If you haven’t noticed, I’m a fan of long post titles. Anyway, as the title says, here are seven ways you can save money while maintaining your extravagant style. After all, isn’t that what everyone wants? The best of both worlds? If you love living beyond your means, follow these guidelines and both worlds will be yours.
1. Eat out regularly. The trick is going to your favorite restaurants without ordering. Walk around from table to table asking strangers, “Are you going to finish that?” Ask while they have food in their mouths; at the fancier restaurants, you’ll have a chance to grab their plate before they swallow and respond.
2. Vacation in Cabo San Lucas. Rather than staying in the swanky resort, stay just outside of town in the poor area. Smuggle some locals back to the United States; you could end up making money on the trip!
3. Lease a Lexus. Charge $50 per person per ride when you drive your family to the park for your kid’s soccer game or your friends out to the bar for a few drinks. Charge $100 per ride after the bar when you have a few drinks in your system. You deserve more reward for the risk.
4. See one Broadway show each week. During the finale, create a nuisance and get ejected from the theater. Demand a full refund.
5. Buy fancy imported water. Get more use out of the special stuff by using it to clean the dishes before drinking. There are ways you can reuse fancy water after drinking, but some may find this option gross.
6. Build a home theater in your basement. Don’t charge for admission, but sell concessions to your friends who visit to watch DVDs and play XBox 360. Start with $500 for popcorn and $1,000 for a small soda. You’ll recoup the cost in 50 years.
7. Buy lots of real estate. It’s easy when you lie to lenders. Then when the banks foreclose, make a big deal about it on a blog. Lots of people will hate you, but AdSense clicks and media attention will start rolling in. Declare bankruptcy and get out of your mess virtually unscathed.
See, it’s rather simple to maintain your extravagant lifestyle while making just a few changes to save some money. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
Published or updated November 13, 2006.