Comments on: 8 Tips for Talking About Money With Your Significant Other

By: lynn

lynn — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 13:57:43 +0000

There’s all sorts of books and articles about this subject. The best thing to do is come to a realization of a partner’s skills, then decide if the relationship would work for you. Love doesn’t include critical thinking skills. This may be where the 90-10 rule applies in a relationship.

What we did is have a joint account for bills, I had my own savings account, 1 CC for household, our own CCs, and DH had money that I didn’t care how he spent. Life has to have some joy in it and his allowance gave him joy. I found out (after he passed) that most of it was given to one of the kids so they could have ‘fun’. That was his idea of fun. He made some mistakes, but he paid for them, not the ‘household’. Not everyone has the skill to see financial matters clearly. If you love someone you make concessions and work with them. Of course they have to work with you too.

By: lynn

lynn — Sun, 23 Oct 2011 13:47:44 +0000

Andrew, I agree with your stratagy. There’s more than one type of education that is useful to us. The School of Hard Knocks is an important learning tool, as well. We weren’t all created wise and knowledgeable.

By: Jim Makos

Jim Makos — Wed, 28 Sep 2011 07:17:05 +0000

Talking about money can be fun, as long as there is understanding and balance between the couple. Open-minded psychology helps as well.

By: SteveDH

SteveDH — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 22:07:18 +0000

Although somewhat dated, I would suggest reading the book “The Family CEO” . It urges joint goal setting, reporting (i.e. solid communications), and proper bookkeeping – The techniques could serve as a solid foundation to financial harmony between couples. I read it years ago and although my wife leaves “all of that” to me now (after 42 years together) I still keep her up-to-date and make sure she’s capable of taking over all the finance task at any time.

By: John Dough

John Dough — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 17:57:05 +0000

Relationships and conversations regarding finances are always tricky, thanks for the ideas & tips to ease this relationship killing subject.

By: Margaret

Margaret — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:18:27 +0000

I really appreciate everyone’s feedback! It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has dealt with this and to be encouraged that change takes time, but it can happen!

By: Amber Jones

Amber Jones — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:23:20 +0000

I think it’s important to be patient and realistic in your expectations, and to choose your battles. There are sometimes that it’s just easier to let the other person win to prevent further issue.

By: Frugalchick

Frugalchick — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 23:16:40 +0000

I totally agree that change takes time. My husband is making progress slowly but surely. I look forward to the day that he will help me manage our finances.

By: Aya @ Thrive

Aya @ Thrive — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:46:24 +0000

Margaret: The only reason why I think there is a problem in only one person handling everything in a marriage is because I’ve seen the troubles that can arise first hand. In the unfortunate circumstance that the marriage ends, the one who wasn’t handling the finances ends up a little lost and has a difficult time trying to reorganize everything to make sense of their finances. However, if both people know what’s going on even though only one person is actually handling them, it shouldn’t be much of a problem. I guess going along the line with anything in a marriage, nothing should be a secret! And to work together :)

By: Margaret

Margaret — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 20:13:01 +0000

Andrew and Aya, thanks for the feedback!

Andrew, I think that you’re definitely right in that sometimes people have to make their own mistakes in order to really understand. Still, there are definitely ways in which you can encourage and influence without being too overbearing. Especially in a relationship, there needs to be that give and take!

Aya, I think that both parties do need to have an understanding of their finances, but I don’t see any problem in a marriage with one person taking over the majority of the handling of them. The basics – sticking to a budget, saving, avoiding debt – can be learned and dealt with by anyone, but some people just don’t have an interest in anything past that. I think your idea about sharing individual goals and planning with each other is a great way to open up communication and, like I said, use money as a way to strengthen the relationship!

By: Aya @ Thrive

Aya @ Thrive — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:51:47 +0000

Even talking about finances with family members can be tricky, talking about it with a significant other is double the trickiness. Often times if one person thinks they have a good sense of their finances, they can manage it for the both of them, but that is not so. Both parties have to be aware of their finances and be able to handle it themselves. These tips are on target; take it one step at a time and don’t force anything. It helps to have a joint goal (in this case, they’re both saving up for marriage) so that both people are motivated, and it might help to share individual goals with each other so they can advise and plan together but also separately to maintain a balance.

By: Andrew Chilton

Andrew Chilton — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 19:26:50 +0000

It’s interesting how it is easier to learn these things for ourselves than it is for other people to tell us what to do. I had a conversation in work the other day whereby two of us senior people were saying how the junior person should just take our word for it. I replied that in all honesty, people have to make their own mistakes to actually learn from them properly.

And as you say, it’s the same for money as it is all walks of life.