Comments on: Don’t Tell Others How To Spend Their Money

By: Jenna

Jenna — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 14:50:22 +0000

Great article, but I have to say point #1 didn’t work well for me. My relative was enraged when I offered advice that I thought was badly needed; that person cut off all ties with me. Now I will hold my piece even with relatives outside my own home!

By: RC@Thinkyourwaytowealth

RC@Thinkyourwaytowealth — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 01:58:56 +0000

Totally agree, unless someone specifically asks me a question, I try to stay out of financial conversations entirely. Of course, for some reason, certain people like to tell you how much money (to the penny!) they have in credit card debt or in an account, how much they spent on their TV, etc. Too much information most of the time, in my opinion.

By: Eric

Eric — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 00:42:35 +0000

One way to remain uninvolved with friends’ finances is to keep your own finances under your hat. If I don’t go into great lengths about my bank account, I find friends reciprocate.

By: Anca

Anca — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 00:22:27 +0000

I think there can be a middle road between letting friends’ lives implode and giving unsolicited advice, but it requires patience and asking neutral questions that cause them to think more in depth about their situation.

By: RJ Weiss

RJ Weiss — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 21:12:47 +0000

Nice post Outlaw.

As a person who writes a blog on finance and in the process of becoming a financial planner, it drives me insane sometimes what friends do with their money.

If they ask for help sometimes, I will be more than willing to provide it. Hopefully that day comes sooner than later.

By: SteveDH

SteveDH — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 20:46:14 +0000

Have you ever read the disclaimer that appears on every single investment website. “…could decline in value.” etc. etc. That’s the right approach to financial advice. Whenever asked, I usually start by saying, I don’t give financial advice and then (depending on the subject) tell them what worked for me and what didn’t work for me. The decision to act on this “non-advice” is theirs and theirs alone. When it comes to family though, I’ll get right down into the weeds with my kids (grown) because that’s what parents do – when asked.

By: Investor Junkie

Investor Junkie — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 17:20:36 +0000

Three comments to this post:
1. It’s not only money but things related to their health (ie smoking, weight, drinking, etc.)
2. NEVER borrow money or friends and family borrow money from you
3. What about if it’s your parents and in the long run you’ll have to take care of them financially when they get old?

By: LeanLifeCoach

LeanLifeCoach — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:56:21 +0000

“You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”

Many years ago a mentor took the time to provide me some sound advice. I didn’t listen… then. Eventually the words came back to me and were inspirational.

Isn’t one of the great joys about blogging and mentoring the knowledge that you have helped someone help them-self?

Unless you are intimately involved in someone’s finances you have no business giving specific advice such as what stock to buy or how much to invest, but that doesn’t mean you can’t promote concepts of sound money management such as being frugal and living within your means.

To Mrs. Micah’s & Outlaw’s points however, preaching to the disinterested does no good. Save your help for those that have a desire to make a difference.

By: Mrs. Micah

Mrs. Micah — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:12:54 +0000

It feels like I’m getting punched in the gut when people tell me about this kind of decision. Like you, I’ve decided that giving people financial advice (at least unsolicited) is not the way to go. If they ask me, I’m likely to refer them to one of a couple books, depending on their situation.

Fortunately, word-of-mouth spread in my family about my blog, so most of my family members are reading it, at least now and then, and a few have told me how useful they found it. Plus a couple friends read about Dave Ramsey’s baby steps method and decided to use it to get out from credit card debt. But that’s passive influence, which is all I feel able to do. Trying to control people and interfere in their own business rarely works out well. Still, it feels like a punch in the gut.

By: Financial Samurai

Financial Samurai — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 15:02:01 +0000

Outlaw, I agree about not getting into other people’s business. It’s the spirit of one post called “Everything is Rational – The Answer to All Things Irrational”. How do we know that what we think is the right way, really is the right way? We don’t.

Let our friends and others do what they want, b/c to them, it makes them happy. That’s all that matters.

By: Flexo

Flexo — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 14:58:12 +0000

Outlaw: Thanks for this article. This is something I’ve wanted to write about for a while. I prefer to stay completely out of my family’s and friends’ financial lives. If someone in my family is doing something truly harmful to themselves I might ask whether they’re sure they want to proceed, but I would do that as a family member, not as someone who writes about personal finance. Even if a friend asks me outright for my thoughts, I try not to get involved. And I never judge.