Every other Friday, I try to will the stock market down.
Most of my investing is done on pay day. My 401(k) funds are invested at the same time I get paid, and naturally I want to invest at the best price possible. So on that day, I try to channel some of my brain power to influence the market downward.
This technique works, but only part of the time. My informal observations have shown that my clever ploy succeeds about half the time. The other 50% of my attempts — perhaps I am too distracted with work to fully concentrate on econopsychokinesis* — I am not successful and the market slips ahead.
Why do I attempt to bring the stock market down with the power of my mind? Even though a week from today I will turn the big two-nine, I still consider myself young. I have a long lifetime of investing ahead of me, so I want to buy with the market low and sell much later with it higher… hopefully much higher.
So far today, I am not being successful. The S&P 500 Index is up almost 1% for the day. Help me out; summon your latent mental powers to bring the market down today. (Or, if you happen to control a whole lot of the market — Warren, this means you — just sell everything you have.)
* I think I invented that word. Google shows no results. Can I patent and license it?
Updated February 6, 2012 and originally published March 4, 2005. If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to the RSS feed or receive daily emails. Follow @ConsumerismComm on Twitter and visit our Facebook page for more updates.