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Today on the Consumerism Commentary Podcast, Tom Dziubek speaks with Aloysa, founder of the personal finance website My Broken Coin about how her mother came to America by becoming a mail order bride. She talks about the decision to find an overseas husband, what the search process was like, the risks involved and how the decision turned out. Aloysa also talks about how she came to America and how the transition from the former Soviet Union affected her spending habits.

Consumerism Commentary Podcast
My Mother Was a Mail Order Bride: S07E05 / 187

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Table of contents

Consumerism Commentary Podcast[00:00] Introduction from Tom Dziubek
[00:38] Interview with Aloysa
[00:51] Life in Lithuania
[02:17] Becoming a mail order bride
[04:02] Risky business
[05:06] The costs involved
[06:59] The types of people who solicit mail order brides
[09:33] The dating process
[10:33] What could happen if a marriage doesn’t work
[11:32] Achieving American citizenship
[13:02] Aloysa’s mom finds her husband
[15:58] The husband’s first visit to Lithuania
[18:50] Their current marital status
[19:10] Aloysa comes to America
[20:07] Personal finances: going from communism to capitalism
[25:04] End

We always welcome feedback from listeners. If you have any comments for this episode or for any other, or if you have suggestions for future episodes, please leave us comments here or email us at podcast at this domain name.

Theme music by Mindcube.

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Tavis Smiley and Dr. Cornel West have been working hard to bring the issue of poverty into the consciousness of the citizens and political discourse of the United States. As a team, Smiley and West have been touring city to city, speaking to audiences concerned about the increasing wealth gap in this country. Their book, The Rich and the Rest of Us: A Poverty Manifeseto, is the culmination of their observations of American citizens throughout these travels.

While the economy is technically in recovery from the Great Recession, a vast slice of Americans have not experienced a real recovery. A “jobless recovery,” where the beneficiaries of an improving economy are the wealthy while the middle class struggles with unemployment, is not a real recovery. Despite this disadvantage, the prevalence and pervasiveness of poverty is still astonishing. According to Smiley and West, 150 million people in this country are in or near poverty. That number represents one out of every two individuals — half the country.

Tavis SmileyThe issue of poverty, affecting this number of individuals, is bigger than poverty itself. The government tallies 46 million Americans living in poverty according to the 2010 census and the government’s own definitions of poverty. Many more individuals are affected by poverty because they are living dangerously close. Many middle class households, particularly those already living in debt or in a paycheck-to-paycheck situation, are one lost paycheck away from a dangerous financial situation, and many families are already experiencing a personal decline due to the inability to find gainful employment.

Poverty has traditionally been a problem classified as urban or rural. Minorities have been and are disproportionately affected by poverty, but poverty is not a suburban problem, too. With white, middle-class families now facing the issue of poverty, whether by losing a job or being dangerously close to not being able to afford their homes, the issue is gaining more attention. While poverty is making life difficult for an increasing number of Americans, those in or seeking office, whether Democrats or Republicans, are not concerned. In order to receive a voice in political discourse, you need money. While the United States may have been founded on the ideals of freedom and liberty, these have generally only been granted to an elite selection of its inhabitants. The distribution of social power is expanded only by revolution among the disenfranchised.

Smiley and West contacted Consumerism Commentary with an interest in speaking to me about these issues — to defend their position, and to open my eyes to the realities faced even by the middle class in this country, many of whom are the “new poor.” We arranged an interview for the Consumerism Commentary Podcast, airing Sunday, May 13. Unfortunately, Dr. West was unable to participate in the interview at the last minutes as he was in New York waiting for a verdict after a conviction related to a political protest in that city. Tavis Smiley was able to participate, but our time together was short. We weren’t able to address all the questions I had prepared, but the discussion was valuable.

Listen to the entire discussion with Tavis Smiley, podcast host Jay Frosting, and myself, Luke Landes, once it is available this weekend. Smiley is the host of Tavis Smiley on PBS and The Tavis Smiley Show on Public Radio International. Update: Listen to the podcast here.

In the interview, Smiley dispelled many of the myths about poverty. One such myth is the idea that those in poverty are entirely to blame for their financial situation.

On Consumerism Commentary, I’ve written that taking personal responsibility for your decisions, financial and otherwise, plays the biggest role in achieving financial security and independence. This is today’s American promise: “Anyone can make it in America.” The media love rags-to-riches stories, even if it doesn’t reflect a reality for the majority of Americans. It’s true that this country’s brand of capitalism is favorable to the situations European immigrants left behind. Religious intolerance, a caste system based on ancestry, and an economic system wherein generally only the first-born male would have rights to any property drove pioneers to create a new society or join a country with a promise to create a better life for yourself. Never mind that doing so displaced others who occupied the land here.

Even in this new society, you had to be a member of the elite to receive the rights as endowed. Not everyone begins on equal footing. The lack of early educational opportunities throughout this country is one of the strongest causes of generational poverty. As Smiley addresses in the podcast, Washington state is the home to large multi-national corporations, providing a huge advantage to those who reside in Washington thanks to the tax these companies pay. The educational opportunities in Washington state far outshine the opportunities in Washington, D.C., for example. Until a quality education for the entire country is given priority, generational poverty will continue to exist.

In the interview, we also address the issue of austerity. The concept of reducing the deficit and national debt is and should be a high priority for policymakers, but the timing of austerity measures, such as reducing funding to societal programs, is just as important. Smiley argues that we cannot cut the budget for these important issues when the economy is not “flowing,” saying that the budget is being balanced on the backs of poor people. Budgets are moral documents, and you can determine a country’s real priorities by evaluating where the money is going. If this country does not address the economy for the 99 percent — those who have seen no benefit from this “jobless recovery” — rather than the “1 percent,” Smiley warns of the downfall of the United States as a world leader.

No empire in the history of the world that at some point did not falter or fail. Every empire had its day. Americans don’t want to think we could be dangerously close to the edge… Poverty is the moral and spiritual issue of our time.

Time did not permit us to explore all the topics I would have liked to cover in the interview with Tavis Smiley. For example, I would have liked to talk more about the Occupy movement and getting a national stage for the issue of poverty. In recent weeks, civil rights are again receiving national attention, from the perspective of same-sex marriage. Not to minimize that issue of equal treatment under the law for all individuals, poverty deserves the same attention from our nation’s leaders.

Be sure to subscribe to the Consumerism Commentary Podcast to hear the interview with Tavis Smiley, where we address more topics related to poverty than are outlined above, as soon as it is available. Be sure also to read The Rich and the Rest of Us: A Poverty Manifesto. Update: The interview is now available as a podcast here.

Photo: DC Central Kitchen

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A new survey by the Pew Research Center shows women have surpassed men in placing value on career advancement. Among 18 to 34-year-olds, 66 percent of women consider being successful in a high-paying career or job is one of the most important things or very important, compared to 59 percent of men. In 1997, 56 percent of women had the same response, almost even with men, at 58 percent.

This change doesn’t come at the expense of the importance of being a good parent or having a solid marriage. Marriage and family are strong priorities today for both men and women, with a score of over 90 percent. For men aged 18 to 34, 29 percent now list marriage as a top priority, down from 37 percent in 1997.

Career womanThe workplace has changed throughout the last century. The shift from traditional gender roles to shared responsibility in the workplace and at home is considered a beneficial change for the country. 73 percent of Americans agree that the trend of an increased role for women across professions is better for society as a whole, and 62 percent believe that shared responsibility at home leads to a more satisfying marriage. At the same time only 21 percent of Americans believe mothers of young children working outside the home is a positive approach to life, and 37 percent believe this is bad for society.

While women’s role in careers have increased, so have their wages and salaries compared to men’s. Women aged between 16 and 34 now earn more than 90 cents for every dollar earned by men in the same age range. Women, however, surpass men in education; women are more likely to have bachelor degrees, with 36 percent of women aged 25 to 29 having advanced education compared to 28 percent of men in the same age group.

This is a significant increase for women in education over the past several decades, and it’s somewhat reflected in the increase in salary parity. But women still are more likely to pause their careers for family reasons, although this is less often the case than in the past. This likely contributes to the fact that women as a group still do not match or exceed men in compensation.

Women in today’s workforce who do marry and have children are not necessarily leaving their careers to do so. Today’s woman often balances her career with her husband and children. Fully 48% of married couples in 2010 consisted of two breadwinners. The share of dual-employed couples was slightly higher in 1997 (53%). Back in 1975, however, the share of families with both a husband and wife in the labor force was only 34%.

If these trends continue, I expect sometime in the future for women’s salaries to exceed men’s salaries. Women will continue to be higher educated and will be qualified for higher-paying careers. Women will continue to increase the value they place on their career. Men will continue to pursue a stronger role in family.

Photo: @yakobusan Jakob Montrasio
Pew Research Center

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I’ve discussed whether couples should sign a prenuptial agreement before marraige recently. A good prenup can protect both individuals in the couple if a marriage were to result in irreconcilable differences.

Signing a legal document of this type could be helpful if the couple owns substantial assets or if there is a wide disparity in income or wealth between the two members of the couple. If either or both of the individuals own businesses, a prenup could protect those businesses, not to mention the lives of any employees relying on those businesses.

Relationships coupleMore people are looking for the protections of a prenuptial agreement without the benefits of getting married. Marriage is becoming a less popular option for couples today, with only 51 percent of adults taking the plunge according to CNN. Couples are increasingly choosing to live together and share their lives without tying the knot.

Cohabitation can cause legal problems the same way marriage can, particularly if the relationship ends.

A growing number of unmarried couples are seeking similar legal protections through cohabitation agreements. These legally-binding contracts, which are drawn up by an attorney, protect each person’s assets, address child custody issues and determine support obligations, much like prenuptial agreements do.

Cohabitation, in the cases where assets need to be protected, is more than just having a roommate. Often, a couple may decide to have children despite not being married, and this leads to questions about caring for children if the relationship were to dissolve. While one might assume that cohabitation is an option only for couples that cannot legally marry in their state, but 70 percent of the divorce attorneys surveyed by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers say most of the new cohabitation agreements they’ve seen are signed by heterosexual couples who could be married if they choose to be.

Buying a house together can be dangerous for an unmarried couple. Most states don’t have laws covering this situation, like they do for married couples. A cohabitation agreement can define how the house and its mortgage are treated in the event of a termination of the relationship.

I might say that a cohabitation agreement for a couple not intending to get married is even more important than a prenuptial agreement for a married couple. In some cases, but not all, the risk of the relationship ending is higher without the bond of matrimony.

Do you believe these cohabitation agreements are necessary? Would you sign one?

Photo: Dragunsk
CNN

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Podcast 145: Protecting Individual Finances in a Marriage

by Flexo

Today on the Consumerism Commentary Podcast, Tom Dziubek talks to Jenny Kerr, founder of The Jenny Pincher. Jenny talks with Tom about how married women can better prepare themselves financially for a divorce. Some of the items she discusses are keeping individual checking accounts, knowing where the money is and being prepared to start a ... Continue reading this article…

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Five Conversations Before Moving In Together

by Aloysa
Couple

This is a guest article by Aloysa, a creator of My Broken Coin. In this article, Aloysa offers five conversation starters for couples considering moving in together. Based on my own personal experience I can tell you that expectations of your significant other change as soon as you move in together. All of a sudden, ... Continue reading this article…

27 comments Read the full article →

Wealth Gap: Young Vs. Old

by Flexo
First Base

The wealth gap is growing, and if the Occupy Wall Street and its satellite protests are any indication, those not within the top one percent of income earners are not happy with their circumstances or the policies that help foster the wealth of those at the top. It’s been called class warfare, but there are ... Continue reading this article…

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Materialistic People Less Happy in Marriages But Have More Money

by Flexo
Wedding Couple

Money and things have never been important to me. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? (That is, assuming the statement is about you, the reader, not me, Flexo.) If you do agree with this statement, according to a new study released by Brigham Young University and William Paterson University, you would be more ... Continue reading this article…

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