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Do people have any kind of control over whom they fall in love with? Perhaps Cupid’s arrow strikes randomly, and there is no choice but to obey the heart — or chemicals in the brain — or sexual urges. But once that initial response has subsided, if you and your partner are headed for a life-long or major long-term relationship, there should be some discussion about money.

What role does that discussion have in determining the path of your relationship?

Relationships coupleA recent study explains that opposites don’t attract in relationships. If you’ve ever looked at relationships where each member of the couple is on a different side of a money-related philosophy, you’ve probably suspected this to be the case. A habitual spender in debt and a frugal saver could have a relationship full of conflict; or, if to avoid conflict money is never part of a conversation, the financial damage could be worse in the future.

Avoidance of tough discussions about money, deliberately hiding financial problems, and outright lying about a financial situation could be more damaging than the financial problems alone. When everything is out in the open, and the couple is fully aware of their individual finances, would a difference in philosophy be enough to curtain the relationship before it progressed to a more serious state?

Ginger, who wrote a guest article for Consumerism Commentary, argued that smart women should marry for money. Although the article was misunderstood by many readers, she was not saying that women should marry for quantity of money, but for their approach to money. A smart, independent woman shouldn’t need to take care of a husband as if she were his mother. The same may be true for men, though traditional sex roles tend to make the man-supporting-woman paradigm more acceptable.

There is more that goes into a successful relationship that being financially compatible. Differences in religion, social issues, values, and goals are important to address. This is a financial website, though, and readers are generally focused on their thoughts surrounding money. In planning to move a relationship forward, how important is a compatible philosophy of money when compared to other matters that define compatibility? Would you be willing to accept a difference in opinion about a divisive political issue before you accept someone who doesn’t share the same financial values? Or do you feel that you might be able to sway your partner’s approach to money more easily than changing other philosophical differences?

I’m interested in hearing opinions from every reader. What was or should be the role of money in choosing a relationship? Leave your comments below.

Photo: Dragunsk
Wired

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This is a guest article by Jennifer Calonia, Junior Editor at GoBankingRates. In the article, the author encourages couples in failing relationships to break-up before holidays and their obligatory expenses are imminent.

While it may sound like the antithesis of romance, calling it quits with your other half before the Valentine’s Day can be advantageous to your heart and your checkbook. Gift-giving and travel (if your significant other is across country) on Valentine’s Day is poised to destroy the savings of those who are too apprehensive to raise the white flag of surrender when it comes to their dead-end relationship.

According to a 2010 report by graphic designers Lee Byron and David McCandless, more couples break up toward the end of the calendar year–peaking two weeks before Christmas and the month after Valentine’s Day.

Valentine's DayThe data were gathered by conducting a year-long search on Facebook statuses which included the words “break up” or “broken up.”

Many argue that data used by Byron and McCandless is drawn from a highly defined sample pool, noting that most Facebook users are younger in their years. Despite that limitation, this study raises significant questions for those in the midst of a turbulent or stagnant relationship.

Break up to save money on gifts and travel

As the saying goes, “breaking up is hard to do,” but it could be a wise financial decision to opt out of your relationship if it’s already hit a brick wall. Instead of waiting for the report’s break-up peak after Valentine’s Day, why not face reality before February lands on your doorstep?

Observances like Valentine’s Day are among the highest-rated gift-giving holidays among couples next to birthdays. According to the National Retail Federation, in 2011, the average expense on Valentine’s Day gifts to a significant other was $68.98 — a figure that is on the rise.

Further, all of the subsequent holidays in the year (i.e. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and a sprinkled birthday) present an open door for extra out-of-pocket travel expenses when planning to attend your partner’s family gathering or scheming a romantic getaway.

At the risk of being denounced as cold-hearted or even cheap, severing strained relationships before Valentine’s Day is at minimum, a savvy move for your wallet.

Broken heart: better investment

Seeking out and fostering a relationship with a partner is at its root an effort in finding a spouse. Stringing your significant other along when you don’t see a future ahead is not only by many people’s standards cruel, it’s a fruitless investment. Whether you’re dealing with emotions or finances, keeping long-term goals in sight are an important aspect of achieving success and happiness, overall.

Struggling relationships may not see another opportunity to break up until March, and time is money. There is never a “good time” to break-up, so biding one’s time after the holiday season and into Valentine’s Day is not the most effective approach in the long haul.

Break up with civility before February 14 comes around and open yourself up to a well-rounded year of improvements in 2012.

Editor’s note: I can’t say I’m a fan of making relationship or romantic decisions with finances as a trigger. Personal finance experts tend to see the world in terms of money; if you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail, or so the saying goes. Obviously finances must be a consideration in major decision-making, and ending a bad relationship earlier rather than later is a better choice than lingering. The worst case scenario is losing a quality relationship over the cost of a bouquet of flowers or a meaningful gift.

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As many Presidents of the United States have done, President Obama avoided confrontation with Congress by appointing an individual to direct a government organization while lawmakers were on recess. Yesterday, the President appointed former Ohio attorney general Richard Cordray to the long-delayed position of director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). Now that this department has a director, it can move forward in enacting regulations — not just suggestions — for non-bank financial entities.

Lately, the CFPB has been working on simplifying customer agreements for financial accounts. A great example is this redesigned credit card agreements. The new design highlights the important terms of the agreement, describes financial terms in plain language, and helps consumers increase awareness of their obligations and rights. The bureau is currently working on a similar resigned agreement for mortgage contracts.

Richard CordrayWithout a director, none of these recommendations would be required to be enacted by financial firms. Some banks have already taken steps to improve communication, but banks are also regulated by the Federal Reserve. The Fed issued some regulations as part of the Credit CARD Act of 2009, but the regulations do not extend to non-bank financial firms.

The CFPB may face legal challenges from industry groups who insist that the bureau can have no power to issue regulations.

Who is Richard Cordray?

When Richard Cordray was the attorney general in Ohio, and when he was Ohio’s treasurer before assuming the role of attorney general, I would receive marketing emails from him every couple of months. He championed pro-consumer causes and worked to ensure the public had a better understanding of predatory financial arrangements. His emails were directed at the press to help raise issues in the media. For example, he campaigned for closing loopholes that allows payday lenders to practice predatory tactics and he warned consumers of scams related to the Cash for Clunkers program. Cordray lost in his campaign to be re-elected attorney general in Ohio.

Cordray wasn’t without enemies in the banking industry. He filed a lawsuit against Bank of America and its executives in 2009 on behalf of Ohio’s state pension funds related to the acquisition of Merrill Lynch.

Cordray is also a five-time champion on Jeopardy.

In general, judging by his past actions, Cordray appears to be comfortable with a position strongly in opposition with Wall Street interests, which is a change in direction for Washington politicians for as long as I’ve been an adult. Clinton, Bush II, and Obama have all, despite occasional moments of pro-consumer rhetoric, appointed Wall Street insiders to major financial roles in government and pseudo-government agencies.

There is some validity to that philosophy, after all, Wall Street executives have the connections and relationships with other Wall Street executives, and these connections are necessary for the government to operate efficiently with one of the largest driving forces of the American and global economy. The government, however, can’t be expected to issue effective regulations if it needs to stay on Wall Street’s “good side,” however.

It’s a tough balance to manage, and it’s one of the many reasons why I avoid politics.

Photo: Richard Cordray

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New Year’s resolutions have become so cliché that the process of making them has become a joke. People settle for mundane goals for the year like “losing weight,” “quitting smoking,” and “getting out of debt.” These are great goals, of course, but most who think about these only when the calendar changes soon forget their plans, continue their lives as before, and lament their failure when they reflect as next year approaches.

Part of the problem is that these goals are not specific enough for anyone to take seriously. Gurus and bloggers write all the time that goals need to be “SMART” — specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-based — as if it’s a new concept. This is a helpful way to look at your resolutions if you want to approach your life as a project manager. A better approach is to realize that time moves very fast, and with busy lives it’s better to make modest goals and focus on each small step that moves you in the right direction.

New year hatThe most popular New Year’s resolutions are tiresome. It’s no wonder people don’t keep them. Few people can be passionate about losing weight or getting out of debt, and even if they are, it will take a lot of work to change the behaviors (or medical conditions) that caused the circumstances needing improvement. These can be multi-year goals, and if your entire success relies on completion within 365 days (366 in a leap year) you’re setting yourself up for failure.

Here are some different ways at looking at financial resolutions that are not only achievable within the year but are more interesting than what you may typically resolve to do. While there are twelve listed here, consider you’re more likely suited for success if you focus on one. The year will be over before you know it, but your resolutions should always be aligned with long-term goals for yourself.

1. Spend money on things that are important.

Your spending habits reveal what is important to you. If you spend more money buying video games than you spend going out with your girlfriend or wife, you have decided on some level that you favor your time with a computer game more than your significant other. The higher value each dollar has to you, with the importance of one dollar related to your level of disposable income, the bigger the importance of whatever you choose to spend that dollar on.

Look where your money goes. You may need to track your spending if you’re not sure. You’ve defined what’s important to you by your expenses. Your shelter (rent or mortgage) and food are obviously important and form the basis of your expenses, but beyond that, you can rate how important any activity is to you by comparing your level of spending. If you don’t like what you see, resolve to spend your extra money — after you cover necessary expenses and saving — on the things you want to be important to you.

2. Create something every month.

FoodThe culture in this country is one of consumption. We consume food, media, and resources. In order to consume, we spend money. This year, change your role in society. Become a creator rather than just a consumer. You can create something that other people consume or something that you consume yourself.

  • Cook more often than preparing pre-created meals and dining out.
  • Create your own adventures instead of watching movies and television.
  • Write in a journal rather than reading a best-selling novel.
  • Engage your mind creatively, taking photographs, making art, or performing music.

3. Learn a new skill.

This could be the year you focus on trying new things. The best new skills to learn would be those that are related to your interests and passions. Here are a few examples, but think about the things that make you happy and decide on a skill that enhances your attitude.

  • If you’ve had a favorite vacation destination in mind in a foreign country, start learning the language and culture.
  • If you like running but haven’t taken this type of exercise seriously yet, train yourself for a 5K race.
  • Learn how to play the piano.

Many new skills can take more than a year to learn, but the idea is not to consider your year a failure if you don’t complete your mission. Keep taking small steps that move your life in the right direction, and whether you complete your goal within one year is less important.

4. Earn money from your hobby.

Coin CollectionTurning your hobby into a business is a tricky subject. Consumerism Commentary started as a hobby, but after a while, it became apparent that writing could also be a business that generated income. In some cases, though, turning a hobby into a business can turn an enjoyable activity into a chore. This has to be a personal decision. If you like collecting coins, do you want to be a coin dealer? If you’re particularly skilled at photography, do you want to market yourself and compete with professional photographers? Perhaps you can keep your marketing to a minimum and work just for your friends and friends of friends.

Not everyone wants to start a business, but keeping your activities small can keep the business aspect of your hobby to a minimum. Strike the right balance between hobby and business so you still gain a maximum amount of enjoyment from the activities you enjoy.

5. Start a blog to track your finances.

I have first-hand experience about how helpful it has been to publicly track my own finances. This is a great way to maintain focus on any goal. By making your progress public, you are holding yourself accountable for your success. And if your goals are interesting to others, even strangers, they can join you in your quest and offer support — and more often, criticism — when you need it.

Rather than using a blog to track your success, allow the blog to be your success. Start a website using WordPress or Tumblr and write anonymously about the financial issues in your life. You don’t need to be a great writer, but if you continue, your writing will improve. Don’t be concerned about building an audience or earning money. Writing for its own sake helps clarify financial issues, particularly when you read what you’ve written over a period of time.

Tracking your finances in software like Mint.com or Quicken isn’t always enough. When you look at your finances with the intent of writing about them, your brain performs at least a minimum amount of analysis, and this is a step further than most people take with their finances.

6. Support local businesses.

Emily Guy Birken wrote recently about the 3/50 Project, an initiative that encourages consumers to spend $50 among three local businesses each month. Keeping your money local helps improve the economy in the community where you live, and it helps you build relationships with your neighbors near you and across your town.

Following an initiative can provide extra motivation for achieving a goal, but you can do this without an initiative as well. Supporting local businesses is a possible resolution that most people don’t consider. Usually, people resolve to save money, and that could mean shopping online or visiting big-box or warehouse stores. Spending money in these locations does not help a community thrive — at least, not directly.

The same is true about local community banks and credit unions. By moving your money away from big banks, you are taking a financial action that is more beneficial in the area where you live. This is a simple, achievable resolution for the new year.

7. Sell or give away your stuff.

ClothingThis could be the year you focus on decluttering your life. When I moved into my current apartment a few years ago, I seemed to have so much space available. I fell into the typical habit of expanding the way I live to fit into my new environment. If you look around your living space, you can probably find a number of things you don’t need. Here are just a few suggestions of where to start:

  • Look through your closet and give away the clothes you no longer wear.
  • Sell your old games, electronics, movies, and books on eBay or Amazon.com.
  • Organize your papers and shred old documents you no longer need to keep.

This sounds like a good weekend project rather than a New Year’s resolution, so to make this worthwhile, consider running through this process on the first Sunday of each month. Each time, you’ll find more to eliminate. If unchecked, “stuff” can take over your life. If you have so much it’s burdensome, your possessions can own you rather than the other way around. Reduce and eliminate your dependency on things that take up space.

8. Spend more time with activities that make you happy.

I mentioned above that you can determine what’s most important to you by following the money. The same thing is true about time. If you were to analyze every waking minute of my day, you’d see that I spend most of my time working on my business and most of the rest of that time with my girlfriend. Or that’s what I’d like to believe. I, for one, spend a good portion of time entertaining myself with movies and television. Productivity nerds would fairly criticize me, but I do find value in resting my brain by allowing a local grumpy doctor solve medical mysteries so I don’t need to or by watching a clever con game unfold.

But buy spending my time this way, I’ve traded my enjoyment in creativity, like photography and music, for sitting in front of a television. Decide what’s important to you and schedule time to dedicate to those activities. I’m not a fan of keeping a schedule, but when you can schedule activities you enjoy rather than scheduling corporate meetings, you will end the year happier and more fulfilled.

And the reason we make resolutions at all is because we are unhappy with something in our lives. If we can spend more time on enjoyable activities, we won’t be nearly as unhappy.

9. Volunteer with an organization that matches your values.

Until the government decides to offer a tax deduction for volunteer work, this potential resolution won’t have a direct effect on your finances, but it could inspire you in ways that do affect your money. The first step is creating a mission statement for your life. In fact, defining your mission can be a complete resolution itself for the year, as defining a meaningful mission requires thoughtful self-reflection that goes beyond the confines of a lunch break at work.

Once you have an accounting of your values and life goals, it’s easier to determine what organizations share your view of the world. Spending time with these organizations and the people who share your philosophies can be rewarding. Often, the reward is through personal satisfaction and pride but there can be a financial aspect, as well. You may decide that you want to use your wealth to improve life for a community, or you may decide that you would like to motivate yourself harder to build your own wealth to help you complete your life’s mission.

10. Be happy with what you have.

The drive to want more for ourselves creates motivation to move forward, to earn more money, and to improve our financial habits. When there’s a mission behind this drive, a purpose in life, it makes that motivation more meaningful. Your should also stop wanting for a moment to consider that if you are reading this article, you were most likely lucky to be born in a situation or community where wealth-building, education, and even sanitation are possible. The “pursuit of happiness,” along with life and liberty, concerned the founders of the United States, but happiness is easily within reach.

Resolve to consider all the positive things in your life: your family, your wealth (no matter how bad your financial situation is, it could be worse), your friends. Consider the opportunities you’ve been given that helped you achieve what you have so far as well as the work you’ve put into shaping your life.

11. Don’t settle for low-quality relationships.

Unfortunately, there are often people in your life who bring you down. You don’t want to surround yourself with yes men, but if you look at your extended circle of friends, chances are you have a few with whom spending time makes you feel good and a few who often dampen your mood. While you don’t want to eliminate relationships with people from whom you can receive kind criticism, it is beneficial to reduce time with people who consistently have a negative attitude.

I’ve discovered this over a long period of time. I’ve always held onto friendships, regardless of the quality, because I believed that every close connection was as important as another. Perhaps I grew up, or perhaps I just had less time to spend with people. Perhaps there have been a few events where I had placed faith in a friend and had been disappointed, and another friend advised me I shouldn’t have such “high” expectations for my relationships. There are enough great people in the world not to have to settle for mediocre people in your life. If you feel you are consistently lowering your expectations, it may be time to spend time with others — as long as you are doing as much as possible to be a good person, yourself, in your inter-personal relationships.

This is the age of Facebook. People brag about how many “friends” they have, and it’s more of a thrill of collection than an enjoyment of real connections. Resolve to enhance the quality of your relationships rather than quantity. Although this goes against most “networking” advice for professionals who want to advance their career, it’s an approach for people who want to advance their life.

12. Let go of your grudges.

Just like it will benefit you to reduce your exposure to people with negative attitudes, consider expelling the negative feelings you’re harboring towards others. I don’t believe that positivity in itself brings about wealth — you can’t increase your bank account by just thinking about how nice it would be to have a bigger bank account, regardless of what New Age aficionados tell you — but letting go of thoughts that prevent you from accepting opportunities and greeting the world optimistically will help put you in a better position to take advantage of good things that come your way.

The above resolutions are not specific. You can use them — or better, just one or two — to guide your thoughts and attitude for the coming year, or you can use them to create a basis for measurable targets that come December 31 you can say you reached. Some tie directly into your finances, and others are related laterally. All of them can help you go beyond the typical neglected resolutions like “losing weight” and “saving money.”

Do something worthwhile and meaningful with your self in 2012.

Photos: L. Marie, Ancient Art, LizMarie_AK

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Five Conversations Before Moving In Together

by Aloysa
Couple

This is a guest article by Aloysa, a creator of My Broken Coin. In this article, Aloysa offers five conversation starters for couples considering moving in together. Based on my own personal experience I can tell you that expectations of your significant other change as soon as you move in together. All of a sudden, ... Continue reading this article…

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Your Relationship With Money

by Flexo

Have you ever had a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife you want to see again the moment he or she is out of your sight? Has love ever felt like a drug, something you need every minute, and you need more each time? Have you ever failed to understand why you constantly desire a lover ... Continue reading this article…

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The Best Holiday Gift: A Shared Experience

by Flexo
Wrapped Gift

You’ll never reach the top level in Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization, if you concern yourself with your possessions. If you focus on acquiring gadgets, showering your children with toys, or achieving other materialistic pursuits, if you do so while neglecting the pursuit of including satisfying experiences in your life, you can never reach ... Continue reading this article…

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The Entrepreneurial Trend: Personality Traits

by Flexo
Meeting Room

I’m an accidental entrepreneur. I never quite fit in with big hierarchical systems, like public education (as a teacher) and corporations. Getting things done, particularly accomplishing various things the way I wanted to accomplish them, has always been a struggle for me in these structures. I knew from the day I started working at a ... Continue reading this article…

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