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Do people have any kind of control over whom they fall in love with? Perhaps Cupid’s arrow strikes randomly, and there is no choice but to obey the heart — or chemicals in the brain — or sexual urges. But once that initial response has subsided, if you and your partner are headed for a life-long or major long-term relationship, there should be some discussion about money.

What role does that discussion have in determining the path of your relationship?

Relationships coupleA recent study explains that opposites don’t attract in relationships. If you’ve ever looked at relationships where each member of the couple is on a different side of a money-related philosophy, you’ve probably suspected this to be the case. A habitual spender in debt and a frugal saver could have a relationship full of conflict; or, if to avoid conflict money is never part of a conversation, the financial damage could be worse in the future.

Avoidance of tough discussions about money, deliberately hiding financial problems, and outright lying about a financial situation could be more damaging than the financial problems alone. When everything is out in the open, and the couple is fully aware of their individual finances, would a difference in philosophy be enough to curtain the relationship before it progressed to a more serious state?

Ginger, who wrote a guest article for Consumerism Commentary, argued that smart women should marry for money. Although the article was misunderstood by many readers, she was not saying that women should marry for quantity of money, but for their approach to money. A smart, independent woman shouldn’t need to take care of a husband as if she were his mother. The same may be true for men, though traditional sex roles tend to make the man-supporting-woman paradigm more acceptable.

There is more that goes into a successful relationship that being financially compatible. Differences in religion, social issues, values, and goals are important to address. This is a financial website, though, and readers are generally focused on their thoughts surrounding money. In planning to move a relationship forward, how important is a compatible philosophy of money when compared to other matters that define compatibility? Would you be willing to accept a difference in opinion about a divisive political issue before you accept someone who doesn’t share the same financial values? Or do you feel that you might be able to sway your partner’s approach to money more easily than changing other philosophical differences?

I’m interested in hearing opinions from every reader. What was or should be the role of money in choosing a relationship? Leave your comments below.

Photo: Dragunsk
Wired

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When I first read the news about alleged Good Samaritans and Secret Santas paying off Kmart customers’ layaway accounts, the cynical side of my mind took over. What a great marketing maneuver for K-Mart. With mystery lay-off angels, they are saying, “Buy your gifts on layaway here, an action that could very well be profitable for us. There’s a chance someone will pay off your layaway account — but no promises.”

The press Kmart has received both in social media and in mainstream news has been significant. How can you not think that this movement, which seems to be tied almost exclusively to one particular retailer, is not an inside initiative? It also strikes me as odd that in many of the cases I’ve read about, the mystery helpers do not pay the accounts off in full. They leave a small amount left in the account for the customers to pay.

My cynicism is probably an overreaction, at least in most cases. I may be overreacting to the idea that Kmart needs whatever help in the press in can get. To illustrate what the experience of having your layaway account paid off by a stranger might look like, here is a personal account of what happened in one store:

… A young father wearing dirty clothes and worn-out boots stood in line at a layaway counter alongside three small children. He asked to pay something on his bill because he knew he wouldn’t be able to afford it all before Christmas. Then a mysterious woman stepped up to the counter.

“She told him, ‘No, I’m paying for it,’” recalled Edna Deppe, assistant manager at the store in Indianapolis. “He just stood there and looked at her and then looked at me and asked if it was a joke. I told him it wasn’t, and that she was going to pay for him. And he just busted out in tears.”

Before she left the store Tuesday evening, the Indianapolis woman in her mid-40s had paid the layaway orders for as many as 50 people. On the way out, she handed out $50 bills and paid for two carts of toys for a woman in line at the cash register.

“She was doing it in the memory of her husband who had just died, and she said she wasn’t going to be able to spend it and wanted to make people happy with it…”

KmartWhy are these generous people targeting almost exclusively Kmart? Many other stores, like Walmart, Best Buy, Sears and Toys-R-Us, offer layaway programs. It’s this association with one particular retailer that has my public-relations radar pinging.

Kmart as a business entity has been financially troubled for some time. Any press is good press, and charity-infused press is great press. Anything that drives people to shop, including the idea that a mystery individual will cover the rest of your layaway payments, can help the company survive.

Perhaps Kmart is singly targeted because of its history. This particular retailer has offered and profited from layaways consistently for decades, and Kmart is perhaps the one store most associated with this type of purchasing plan.

These acts of charity are coming too late to inspire a shopper to take a chance by initiating a new layaway plan in time to receive the gifts in full by Christmas. There is a small chance that someone might come in and make the payment, but is it worth the risk?

Let’s say you want to buy gifts at Kmart with a total value of $250. With the 8-week layaway plan, you would need to pay $26 today and four bi-weekly payments of $58. Assuming you follow through, you won’t be able to take home the gifts before Hanukkah or Christmas, and you will have spent $8 more than today’s advertised prices. If, however, someone pays the remainder of your layaway account before the end of the week, you would have received $250 in gifts after paying only $26. I would further assume that this charity will not continue after the holidays, so there is even a lower probability of a Secret Santa paying off layaway accounts after Christmas. If you give up paying after the end of the week because you were hoping for charity rather than planning to pay for the items in full, you’ll have sunk only $26 into a purchase you’d never receive.

In other words, it’s an expensive lottery.

Tom Dziubek, podcast host and producer and extraordinaire, and I were discussing this story. He mentioned that reading about the charity of fellow humans inspired him to remember to complete his own charitable contributions. The spirit of giving is infectious. Some Kmart shoppers who have been the beneficiaries of good will have done the same for other layaway customers, and people who read positive stories are inspired to do other good deeds.

This holiday season, I’ll leave my cynicism behind. Perhaps these random acts of kindness are not part of a marketing scheme. Perhaps the are simply the result of charitable individuals not associated with Kmart. Perhaps the media isn’t complicit with promoting one retailer over another. Just this once.

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Photo: robertstinnett
Detroit Free Press

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Your Relationship With Money

This article was written by in People. 25 comments.

Have you ever had a boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife you want to see again the moment he or she is out of your sight? Has love ever felt like a drug, something you need every minute, and you need more each time? Have you ever failed to understand why you constantly desire a lover who treats you poorly? Perhaps you long for the guy or girl you knew twenty years ago, a fleeting infatuation. Like love, it’s possible for any one person to have a differently relationship with money than the next individual. Love may be a mystery, but money is usually concrete.

What role does money play in your life? I’ve seen everything.

1. Money is the goal itself. Working in the financial industry, this attitude comes as no surprise to me. When the ultimate goal is to accumulate an impressive bank account balance or net worth, the unconditional love of money helps people rationalize their behavior; the end, being wealthy, often justifies the means with this attitude. Never mind the good that can be done with this money; often, those who are obsessed use the wealth they accumulate to buy items that exist primarily to show that wealth off, not items that increase happiness. The philosophy is that displaying wealth to the world increases the chances of attracting more wealth. Even if there is some truth to that, there are other costs, as well.

I may be critical of those who place their faith in money alone, but I’m not anti-wealthy.

2. Money is evil. At the other extreme, you might find people who turn away from wealth at all time. They may have had a bad experience with money in the past. Perhaps they watch the news and take to heart the latest scandals and scams, and assume that money always makes people to awful things to one another. Nations war and people die over money. Bad behavior is often rewarded in the marketplace. How can money be a positive force when it encourages people to make bad decisions? People who think money is evil may not trust the banks to hold onto savings accounts.

This approach is dangerous because it helps those who hold this philosophy to avoid financial freedom, the ability to live mostly on one’s own terms.

3. Money is a tool. This is my camp. Money didn’t exist forever, and happiness itself is a modern concept as well. Money only increases happiness to a point, so why accumulate more money than you need to achieve maximum happiness? There are good reasons. If you set relevant life goals, like helping eliminate hunger in your country, providing all opportunities possible for your children, or encouraging education in the arts, money is one of the strongest tools for reaching your goals. These goals don’t stop at a certain dollar amount. More can always be done.

When I hear someone say their life goal is to have a nest egg of $1 million when they retire, the question I think of is, “Then what?” I understand that decades of hard work can make someone long for retirement and an end to the rate race, but it’s the financial freedom that should be important, not a monetary target. Targets are useful when deciding how to allocate and invest your wealth as it grows, but money is not the purpose intrinsically.

Squirreler shared his thoughts about the role of money in his life, putting money on an equal ground with health and relationships. Health and relationships contribute to happiness. Wealth contributes as well, but only insofar as it fosters health, relationships, and other things like experiences, self-worth, and independence. Therefore, I would not put wealth in a symbiotic equilibrium with anything else. It’s another layer that helps amplify everything else; people who have a positive outlook on life while improve with wealth, while people who take a destructive approach to living will only become more dangerous.

Wealth makes life easier and helps you reach real goals, but money is neither inherently good nor inherently bad.

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Consider your personal human capital as an addendum to your net worth when evaluating your overall worth. While your net worth is a good financial measurement, your human capital is a good predictor of how you’ll handle opportunities to grow in the future. In an unsteady economy, those with better developed human capital have an advantage. One way to increase your human capital is to volunteer your time with organizations.

Recently, I wrote about gaining more experience as a way of boosting your human capital, making your skills more valuable to others, particularly potential employers or clients. Kyle from Amateur Asset Allocator promptly offered this feedback on growing human capital:

Volunteer work! Most charitable organizations are desperate for volunteers so it’s not incredibly difficult to get yourself in charge of something, even if it’s something small.

Habitat for HumanityThe organizations requiring volunteers benefit greatly from passionate individuals who are ready to get to work. Without volunteers, many non-profit organizations, including religious institutions, would never be able to provide services as broadly or as deeply as they’d like. These organizations are usually not businesses that create revenue by selling products to a consumer, and the opportunity to generate income is low. Relying on donations or government support for funding, volunteers play a vital role. The bigger an organization’s the mission, the more volunteers they’ll need to get the work done.

This demand for volunteers creates a great opportunity for those willing to dedicate time to the advancement of a cause. Volunteering is always the most beneficial when you can align yourself with an organization whose mission matches your values.

  • If you are religious, your church, synagogue, or mosque could have opportunities for you.
  • If you are driven to help find a cure for a disease, there is likely an organization that promotes awareness or raises funds with the intent of helping affected families and encouraging research.
  • For those passionate about arts, there are likely several non-profits in your proximity that relate directly to your passion.
  • Social issues like poverty are also served by non-profit organizations.

Gain leadership experience

If the boss at your day job undervalues you work and is reluctant to give you more responsibility, you’ll benefit from the opportunities that volunteering might present you. Since demand is high, any organization would value a motivated volunteer ready to help organize other volunteers, run events or manage campaigns. There are always openings for volunteers who are not seeking much responsibility, like those who help direct traffic at an event, but it won’t be difficult for a motivated volunteer to prove himself or herself as someone who can take responsibilities that require more skills.

I had a discussion yesterday with a friend whose husband has been having trouble moving to the next level in his career. The next level would be a management position, and he’s become a victim of the vicious experience cycle: He feels he won’t be hired as a manager without management experience, but he can’t gain management experience until he’s hired as a manager. This is always a tough barrier, but one solution is to volunteer for an organization. In many cases, you can accept leadership positions as a volunteer without having official experience, as long as you are capable and talented.

If you are a successful leader in your work as a volunteer, you can feel safe highlighting this work on your résumé, increasing your chances of receiving an offer for your first leadership position within your company or your career. This is even better if your volunteer work is somewhat related to your vocation.

Increase your confidence

Don’t be surprised if you find yourself more self-confident after volunteering for a cause about which you’re passionate, particularly if you do have a leadership position. A side effect of many organizations’ missions is making a difference in someone’s life, and when you are a part of an organization that makes a difference, regardless of whether you have a leadership role, you feel better about yourself. Self-confidence, like other aspects of your human capital, is difficult to measure. It’s not a skill you can put on your résumé. It is, however, an attitude that permeates what you do, and it’s something that other people, including a hiring manager or a client, can sense.

Expand your network

Cultivating your network of colleagues, acquaintances, and friends is a major contribution to your overall human capital, and I’ll be addressing this in more detail in a following article. Volunteer work often introduces you to people you wouldn’t otherwise meet. This is a great advantage from a business as well as social perspective. By associating with a wide variety of contacts, you’ll begin to see connections between the people you know. It’s easy to see this on social networks where you can chart your circle of friends. As your network expands, you’ll see that people you don’t expect to know each other do, proving the truth of the cliché: “it’s a small world, after all.”

While these connections help understand your friends and colleagues better, broad networks that cross industries and interests can result in your having someone to turn to in a wide variety of situations. If you need advice on starting a business, chances are you know someone who has been through the process of getting her own business off the ground. With a broad network, whether you need a photographer or a plumber, someone in your network can help, either directly or provide a recommendation. Likewise, the bigger your network, the more you’ll be seen as a helpful resource.

Find the right opportunity

The first thing you should consider when planing to volunteer is how much time you can commit. One of the biggest problems that organizations face is a lack of quality volunteers, and by over-promising or making a commitment you can’t keep can increase the difficulty of operations for an organization you’re trying to assist.

Consider your passions. This isn’t your job. Since you’re not being compensated in traditional monetary form for your work, ensure you’re going to enjoy and find meaning in the work that you’ll be doing. The wok itself might not be fun — stuffing envelopes with fundraising mailers comes to mind — but if the organization stands for something you support, the work will feel worthwhile.

Volunteering can be expensive. Look at the costs. If you need to travel 100 miles three days a week just to get to the location where your volunteering takes place, you’ll be spending time to commute and money to travel, neither of which can usually be reimbursed. (Time is never reimbursable; expenses are only reimbursable if your organization happens to be able to afford that luxury.)

Have you ever volunteered for an organization? What were your experiences?

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8 Tips for Talking About Money With Your Significant Other

by Margaret

About the author: Margaret is a recent college graduate who, with her boyfriend, plans to save up money to get married, pay off student loan debt and head to seminary. Money is one of those things you’re not supposed to mention in polite conversation. But if you’re married or in a serious relationship, you have ... Continue reading this article…

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Earn More Money: eBay Selling and Flipping

by Flexo
Book Sale

This is the second article in a series about methods of supplementing income with spare-time projects. I typically focus on the big changes people can make that result in earning significantly more money, but this series focuses on incremental income. The first article was about becoming a secret shopper. A friend of mine is stuck ... Continue reading this article…

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Money Magazine’s Best Banks 2011

by Flexo

In early October, I will announce the winners of the Second Annual Plutus Awards, which will include the best bank, best credit card, best brokerage, and a number of other categories. Later today, the Plutus Awards website will list the finalists. Money Magazine has already completed its survey and announced the publication’s editor’s picks for ... Continue reading this article…

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Setting Money Ground Rules With Your Partner

by Flexo
Couple

Do you lie to your spouse or significant other about money? Money may be one of the most popular issues causing strife in a relationship, but deeper issues are usually communication and values. Lying about money is one way to ensure that a relationship will fail over time, but for most people, small, occasional lies ... Continue reading this article…

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