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Today on the Consumerism Commentary Podcast, Tom Dziubek talks to Jenny Kerr, founder of The Jenny Pincher.

Jenny talks with Tom about how married women can better prepare themselves financially for a divorce. Some of the items she discusses are keeping individual checking accounts, knowing where the money is and being prepared to start a new job.

Consumerism Commentary Podcast
Protecting Individual Finances in a Marriage: S06E15 / 172

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Table of contents

Consumerism Commentary Podcast[00:00] Introduction from Tom Dziubek
[00:38] Interview with Jenny Kerr
[00:49] Jenny’s inspiration for article
[03:15] Individual bank accounts
[05:34] The need for a joint account
[06:13] Funding the individual account
[07:33] The individual account for emergency access
[08:57] Know where the money is
[10:27] Keeping your resume current
[12:06] Part-time work
[14:21] Understanding the necessities
[15:24] Knowing what benefits are tied to your spouse
[16:40] Identifying policies your spouse could benefit from
[19:13] End

We always welcome feedback from listeners. If you have any comments for this episode or for any other, or if you have suggestions for future episodes, please leave us comments here or email us at podcast at this domain name.

Theme music by Mindcube.

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This is a guest article by Jennifer Calonia, Junior Editor at GoBankingRates. In the article, the author encourages couples in failing relationships to break-up before holidays and their obligatory expenses are imminent.

While it may sound like the antithesis of romance, calling it quits with your other half before the Valentine’s Day can be advantageous to your heart and your checkbook. Gift-giving and travel (if your significant other is across country) on Valentine’s Day is poised to destroy the savings of those who are too apprehensive to raise the white flag of surrender when it comes to their dead-end relationship.

According to a 2010 report by graphic designers Lee Byron and David McCandless, more couples break up toward the end of the calendar year–peaking two weeks before Christmas and the month after Valentine’s Day.

Valentine's DayThe data were gathered by conducting a year-long search on Facebook statuses which included the words “break up” or “broken up.”

Many argue that data used by Byron and McCandless is drawn from a highly defined sample pool, noting that most Facebook users are younger in their years. Despite that limitation, this study raises significant questions for those in the midst of a turbulent or stagnant relationship.

Break up to save money on gifts and travel

As the saying goes, “breaking up is hard to do,” but it could be a wise financial decision to opt out of your relationship if it’s already hit a brick wall. Instead of waiting for the report’s break-up peak after Valentine’s Day, why not face reality before February lands on your doorstep?

Observances like Valentine’s Day are among the highest-rated gift-giving holidays among couples next to birthdays. According to the National Retail Federation, in 2011, the average expense on Valentine’s Day gifts to a significant other was $68.98 — a figure that is on the rise.

Further, all of the subsequent holidays in the year (i.e. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s and a sprinkled birthday) present an open door for extra out-of-pocket travel expenses when planning to attend your partner’s family gathering or scheming a romantic getaway.

At the risk of being denounced as cold-hearted or even cheap, severing strained relationships before Valentine’s Day is at minimum, a savvy move for your wallet.

Broken heart: better investment

Seeking out and fostering a relationship with a partner is at its root an effort in finding a spouse. Stringing your significant other along when you don’t see a future ahead is not only by many people’s standards cruel, it’s a fruitless investment. Whether you’re dealing with emotions or finances, keeping long-term goals in sight are an important aspect of achieving success and happiness, overall.

Struggling relationships may not see another opportunity to break up until March, and time is money. There is never a “good time” to break-up, so biding one’s time after the holiday season and into Valentine’s Day is not the most effective approach in the long haul.

Break up with civility before February 14 comes around and open yourself up to a well-rounded year of improvements in 2012.

Editor’s note: I can’t say I’m a fan of making relationship or romantic decisions with finances as a trigger. Personal finance experts tend to see the world in terms of money; if you’re a hammer, everything looks like a nail, or so the saying goes. Obviously finances must be a consideration in major decision-making, and ending a bad relationship earlier rather than later is a better choice than lingering. The worst case scenario is losing a quality relationship over the cost of a bouquet of flowers or a meaningful gift.

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This is a guest article by Aloysa, a creator of My Broken Coin. In this article, Aloysa offers five conversation starters for couples considering moving in together.

Based on my own personal experience I can tell you that expectations of your significant other change as soon as you move in together. All of a sudden, you expect him to make the bed, walk your dog, wash the dishes, and put the toilet seat down. He wants you to cook him breakfast and dinner, pack his lunch, buy a six-pack on the way home from work, and listen to his rants about his favorite football team.

But what about your financial expectations of each other? How often do you discuss them?

I strongly believe that when people decide to move in together, they should know as much as possible about each other finances: bank account balances, when the car will be paid off, how much money you both earn, what monthly bills you have to pay including alimony and/or child support.

If you don’t know that much, you really don’t know anything about each other and should stop reading here.

Conversation #5: What are you waiting for? Pay it already!

CoupleWhat is your bill paying style? This is something that can be very important in your life together. Let’s say you pay bills in advance, but your significant other waits till the last minute. Potentially it can create a problem for both of you. One gets nervous that a bill is not paid yet, while the other is stress-free till the “payment due” date.

Resolution: sit down together, go over your bills and figure out what needs to be paid. Make a spreadsheet or a schedule with the due dates for payments, decide when the bills are expected to be paid, and, most importantly, don’t forget to stick to that schedule!

Conversation #4: Who is paying for that dinner?

The complaint that I often hear from my cohabitating friends is related to a very trivial but tricky question: who should pay for nights out, especially if expenses are split 50/50?

Most of the time my romantic girlfriends expect that dates will be covered 100% by their partners. Some of my pragmatic guy friends assume that if they are splitting everything else 50/50, date nights should also be split the same way. Unfulfilled expectations could cause tension in the relationship, and feelings can get hurt.

Resolution: Nothing can kill romance in the relationship faster than resentment caused by money issues. You have to decide together what is expected of each other when you go out. If you expect a romantic dinner that he covers, tell him about it. If you want her to pick up her portion of a tab, talk about it.

Conversation #3: You owe how much?!

Your relationship should be open and honest. There should not be any hidden surprises such as your credit card debt, taxes you owe to the IRS, or student loan balances.

One of my friends was shocked when she found out by pure accident that her boyfriend, with whom she was living for about a year, owed $70,000 in credit card debt. When she confronted him about it, his response was, “It is my debt. Don’t worry about it.” His debt became hers when they started looking for a house together and could not qualify for a house they wanted because of his credit card debt.

Resolution: Pull a free credit report for each other, and be open about your debts. I know that not everyone would agree with this idea, but if one day you decide to get married, have kids, and buy a house, you will be glad you did it.

Editor’s note: There’s a related discussion that’s worth mentioning, as well. Before you begin cohabitation, it may be a good idea to discuss whether you and your significant other should be considering combining financial accounts now, later, or never. Depending on the state where you live, there may be statutes that define how individual property may become common property regardless of whether you combine your accounts, but it’s a discussion that should also come sooner or later.

Conversation #2: I need some cash! Please?

Both of you are individuals with different interests, life views, expectations, different bank accounts and different bills. Bills change over time. Your bank account can get overdraft fees. Or you simply spent more than you expected.

One of my friends came back from work to find out that the water was turned off in the house because her live-in boyfriend did not have the money to pay the water bill. He did not dare to ask her for help, and they ended up with no water for a few days.

Resolution: It can be difficult at first but it gets easier every time you do it. Ask for help if you need it. The worst that can happen is you will have to explain why you are short on cash. The best thing that can happen, you will have an uninterrupted supply of water!

Conversation #1: What are we looking for?

I have a few friends who have lived with their boyfriends and girlfriends for three, four, five years and they now feel the drive to make their relationship legal has flown the coop. Before you decide to share your lives and your bills, it is always a good idea to discuss how both of you see the future.

Do you know what his or her timeline is for marriage? Do you even want and plan to get married? If you don’t discuss it early on, she might start thinking that he is with her because it is convenient and cheap. He might think that she is using him as a stepping stone until someone better comes along.

Resolution: Just because you are moving in together, don’t assume that you both have the same intentions and share the same goals. Relationships tend to stall and drift. Natural progression stops, and you are left guessing what the future life holds for the both of you.

Talk long and hard before you make your final decision to move-in, ask questions and please, never assume anything.

What discussions do you expect to have or have had prior to moving into the same living space as your significant other?

Photo: gareth1953

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This guest article is written by YFS, owner and author of Your Finances Simplified. YFS was born and raised in west Philadelphia and is now a financial adviser, IT contractor, landlord, and treasurer of a non-profit.

If you and your family of four received an annual income of $22,350, could you survive? You would be living at the 2011 poverty line for the 48 contiguous states. If you were to make less than this, you and your family would live in poverty. If you were to earn more than this, you and your family would be above the poverty line, though it might not feel like that. Here is a breakdown of the typical costs that everyone encounters on a day-to-day basis; you can see how quickly $22,350 can be spent for a family of four.

I’ll assume you’re in Charlottesville, Virginia, where the Cost of Living Index is 100, the national average.

The things we need

Thrift storeRent/Mortgage. We all have to pay something in order to keep a roof over our heads. This could be a mortgage payment for a house that we have bought or it could be rent for a house or an apartment. In Charlottesville, the average rent is just over $900, and the average house payment is nearly $1500. For the sake of this article, the calculation for rent or mortgage is the average of these numbers, $1,200. The yearly housing expenses are about $14,400. Subtracting this from the income leaves $7,950 to pay for everything else.

Many people at this level of income can qualify to live in subsidized housing, and many have to live in substandard conditions so that they can afford it. Those conditions could be a dilapidated apartment for low rent or sharing a house with another family. For purposes of this example, we are using average costs, which will often be much higher than what a family at this level would pay.

Bills. Even if you rent your home, you still probably have to pay some of the bills, like electricity or gas. Water, trash (sanitation), phone, cable, and internet are all some common bills to pay. Average energy costs in Charlottesville are $165 per month ($1,980 per year), which brings the total remaining down to $5,970.

At this level of income, could afford a phone or cable or internet?

If your cable and internet service costs $50 a month, that will be another $600 a year. Because it is hard to function without a telephone, for this example, we will include one cell phone for the family that costs $25 a month, which would be $300 a year, bringing the total down to $5,670.

Transportation. You can argue that a car is not necessary, and in some cases that is true. However, in some parts of the United States, you will not be able to hold a job unless you have your own transportation. This is due to the lack of extensive public transportation, especially true in suburban and rural areas of the country. Even if you have access to public transportation, how much will that cost for a year? Car payments vary depending on income, credit, and car choice. This example assumes a relatively inexpensive car payment of $300 per month ($3,600 per year), bringing the total down to $2,070.

Many people at this income level do not buy new cars or certified used ones. They find very inexpensive cars that are sold by the owner or they go without.

Insurance. If you own a car, you must have insurance. The average annual car insurance premium in Virginia is about $1,000, which we can also take off of our total. This leaves $1,070.

What about health insurance?

Do you think that you could afford health insurance at this income level? It’s unlikely that you could; however, people at this income level probably qualify for Medicaid. In most cases, at least the children in the family will qualify.

Food. The bare necessities for food are what it costs to keep a family of four fed. A family at this income level likely qualifies for food stamps, and many public schools have programs offering reduced-rate or free lunches to children who qualify. Food stamp benefits vary from state to state and situation to situation. For the purposes of this example, the family of four spends $50 a month of their own money on food (with the remaining $200 or so being provided by food stamps). Food stamps can only be used on consumable products, excluding alcohol, in most cases. As a result, the family still has to buy sundries like soap, toothpaste, toilet paper, and so on out of their own money. This results in about $600 a year in food costs, which brings our total remaining to $470.

Could you provide for a family of four with $200 to $250 a month on groceries?

Clothing. Consider not what the family wants, but items that the family needs to stay decently clothed and warm. In Charlottesville, the average men’s shirt in a department store costs about $25, while a pair of boy’s jeans costs about $20. We’ll say that the family spends about $10 a month on average for clothing. This would be a new item for one member of the family every two months or so. This would average out to about two new items per person per year, and it would bring the annual clothing budget to $120. Such a small clothing budget could be expanded by shopping at thrift stores and other organizations where needy families can receive free used clothing. The total is now down to $350.

When was the last time you bought an item of clothing? How much did it cost?

Debt. What about student loans or credit card payments? You might think that the adults in a family at this level didn’t earn a college degree, but that’s not always the case. Many college students, especially graduate students, are married, and many of them cannot or do not hold jobs while in school. This means that they might be unemployed or a part time employee. As a result, the family could be trying to survive off of one income or two small incomes. Fortunately, most student loan payments can be deferred if you are unemployed or earning below a certain level.

Credit card debt, however, continues to grow. Assume the minimum payment is $15 a month, an annual payment of $180. A payment this low would likely be for a card with a low limit, around $500 or so. This brings our total down to $170.

How much do you rely on your credit card on a day to day basis? How much do you think you would use it if you were in this situation?

The things we want

Extraneous purchases. With some skimping, federal and state assistance, and swallowing of pride, the family at the poverty level has $170 left to spend on things that they want throughout the year. This might mean a new jacket or a new pair of shoes.

How much do you think you spend on Christmas gifts?

If the couple spends $100 on each other and their two children, the total is now down to $70. If the family goes to the movies just once during the whole year, they’ll pay about $50 just for the tickets, with the average movie ticket price in Charlottesville at $10. This brings the total down to $20, and it will be even lower if they buy popcorn.

Travel. The family might travel to see relatives at some point during the year. They could not afford a hotel room or plane tickets. If they do not have their own car, they might be able to afford bus tickets. For example, four bus tickets, two adults and two children under 11, from Charlottesville to Memphis would cost over $500 one way. This brings our total into the negative numbers. If they have a car that gets 30 miles to the gallon then it would cost about $75 one way to get to Memphis with the average cost of gas being $3 or so per gallon. This means about $150 to get just there and back, bringing the total down into negative numbers again. As a result, any type of travel for this family is unlikely.

Savings. If the family manages to stick to this budget, they can save about $20 a year. However, this budget did not include any unexpected expenses, such as an unplanned doctor’s visit or family emergency. As a result, it is unlikely that a family living at this income level would be able to save anything at all. In reality, it is nearly impossible for a family of four to live at this level without going into debt.

Minimum wage

The federal minimum wage is $7.25 an hour. Some states have a higher minimum wage, but Virginia, used in this example, uses the federal minimum wage. Assuming a full-time job, which isn’t often the case for minimum wage jobs, an individual would earn about $14,500 a year before taxes. In this situation, two people with full time jobs at minimum wage (with two weeks’ vacation or sick days) would have $29,000 before taxes. This level of income is quite a bit higher than the poverty level income. However, to put things in perspective a household of four could be a single parent with three kids on $14,500 a year, which is well below the poverty line. If one or both spouses cannot find work, full-time or part-time, a family can easily fall into poverty.

Federal and state taxes vary so much that they were not included in this example. In many cases someone who makes so little money and who has children will not have to pay much in taxes at the end of the year and, in some cases, particularly due to the Earned Income Tax Credit, will receive a refund.

Do you think that you would be thrifty enough to make this work? Have you ever lived at this level of income? How would you adjust the budget to survive on $22,350?

Photo: Orin Zebest

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