Ginger is a fashionista in her late 20s — a wife and graduate student striving to have it all. She wrote this article for Consumerism Commentary, but Ginger also publishes the blog Girls Just Wanna Have Funds, and you can subscribe to the blog’s RSS feed here.
Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage. However, I am suggesting that women who marry partners that are financially savvy, motivated by money and have aligned views about their attitudes to money, are indeed smarter than their counterparts who don’t when choosing a life partner. I will detail the benefits of choosing a partner that has a solid financial plan in place and uses money as a tool and not a crutch.
Financially savvy
Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t. Why? These women know that in order to have a marriage built to last that finances play a huge role in the viability of the marriage. I know it sounds like we’re discussing a corporate merger but bear with me; after all, marriage in some respects is like a business.
1969 Inc., said it best when asked for her insights to marriage,
It’s like running a corporation. A business venture. You have to go into it knowing that it could fail or it could succeed beyond your wildest dreams and make you rich… If the employees don’t share the vision, believe in the vision and work together, the endeavor will fail. Some businesses will get rich. Some will barely make ends meet. Some will never make a dime. The money does not measure success. The sense of accomplishment will come from the daily struggle… the love of what you do, working together day in and day out.
The reality is that personal finance issues are the leading cause of divorce and in order to live happily ever after, you must be on the same page as far as your finances are concerned. No, if, ands or buts about it. Capisce?
So what makes these women smarter?
Aligned financial values
When smart women meet a partner, they aren’t wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, after all those come a dime a dozen. These women are looking at how their potential partners spend money. Does he have an emergency fund? Is he current on their monthly bills such as the car payment and rent/mortgage? Does he spend more than he earns? They’re listening keenly to understand how their potential mates relate to money. Is it a tool? Is it a crutch? They know the difference and conduct business accordingly. Should the potential mate fall into the category of the above mentioned then it’s time to say good-bye. After all, who wants a man who isn’t interested in learning how to manage his money effectively? They are in it for the long haul, not a few cheap dates.
Smart women are up to date on the latest issues in personal finance. They understand rate chasing, investing for the long haul and understand that while they may have substantial savings, practice and embrace frugality. They look for similar if not the same qualities in their potential mates. Smart women want to be able to relate not only on a romantic level, but also on issues regarding personal finance.
A man with a plan
Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t. Where does he see himself in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Is he thinking long or short term? That answer will determine the course of the relationship. Ideally he should be able to think past next month’s car payment and project how much he will have in his savings account by year’s end. This an expectation for smart women, not a hope or a dream, but something they demand and require in a potential mate.
Take a few minutes to let it all sink in. Gone are the days when gold diggers were secretly envied because they were able to go for the gusto and stifle high pitched screams during musty sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon. Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. They are armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it.
Are you a smart woman?
If you liked this article, read more from Ginger at Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
Updated November 20, 2011 and originally published February 19, 2008. If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to the RSS feed or receive daily emails. Follow @flexo on Twitter and visit our Facebook page for more updates.
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I HAVE TO STRONGLY DISSAGREE WITH THIS TYPE OF THINKING. I ADMIT A SMART WOMEN SHOULD WANT A MAN WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF AND HIS FINANCES, BUT THERE ARE SOME WHO CHOOSE TO REJECT MEN SOLELY ON THERE FINANCIAL STATUS. I HAVE RECENTLY HAD AN EXPERIENCE WHERE I GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH MY TRUE LOVE FROM COLLEGE, WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. HOWEVER WE ARE BOTH GOING THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIMES, HER DIVORCE AND MY EX ETC. WELL AT FIRST SHE WAS VERY EXCITED TO BE BACK WITH ME AND WE MADE PLANS TO START OUR FUTURE TOGETHER. UNFORTUNATELY MY CAREER IS NOT TAKING OFF AS WELL AS HERS AND SHE DECIDED TO LEAVE ME SOLELY ON THIS FACT. UNDERSTAND WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS ALSO HARD. WE TRUELY LOVE EACH OTHER BUT SINCE I COULD NOT IMPROVE MY CAREER FAST ENOUGH, WITHIN IN 3 MONTHS, SHE DUMPED ME. I AM NOT A BUM BY ANY STANDARD AND WORK A GOOD JOB 40 TO 60 HOURS A WEEK. SHE HAS HER HEART SET ON RETIRING EARLY AND BEING RICH. I THINK SHE IS MAKING A BIG MISSTAKE. SHE MAY BECOME RICH, WHO KNOWS, BUT SHE WILL NOT HAVE ANYONE TO ENJOY IT WITH THAT WILL TREAT HER THE WHY I DID. MONEY IS AN ILLUSION AND WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. IT WILL OF COURSE MAKE YOU HAPPIER TO HAVE NICE THINGS AND MAYBE A BETTER LIFESTYLE, BUT IF YOU BECOME SO OBSSESSED WITH IT AS SHE HAS BECOME YOU WILL LOSE IN THE END. SO IN CONCLUSION, I AGREE WHEN PICKING A DATE FOR A RELATIONSHIP IT IS GOOD TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO WORKS HARD AND CAN TAKE CARE OF THERE FINANCES, BUT I THINK IT IS UNFAIR TO REJECT SOMEONE YOU TRUELY HAVE A CONNECTION WITH BECAUSE OF THERE CURRENT MISFORTUNE. FURTHERMORE IF YOU ARE TRUELY IN LOVE WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IT DOESN’T MATTER. THE MONEY WON’ T ALWAYS BE THERE FOR EITHER OF YOU. IF YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHO SEEMS TO BE A FINANCIAL GOD AND NOT FOR LOVE WHAT HAPPENS IF HE COLLAPSES, THEN YOU HAVE NEITHER.
And i would suggest that all men insist upon a pre-nup and marry based on looks and sexual vigor. And just like in the stock market, once there is a drop in “performance” I’d suggest dropping your current holdings and find new assets.
Couldn’t agree more. I find it amusing that this women says to marry rich, but forgets that the man with the money is the one in control. First off, if you have money, why ever get married? As we get older, men’s stock rises and women’s falls. Exactly why I bang away and always wear a condom ;-) Hang the carrot in front of a woman and she will always chase it.
Exactly Why the only women who will ever chase u, Bill, are those only concerned with money… Stop giving all your money to escorts and Go look for a nice old bat your own age hunny, she may just like u for u!
Haha goodluck finding a hot young lady to sign a prenup, Patrick, unless u are 25 and handsome. Yes smart women instinctively go for money it is natural, just as men are supposed to be providers. Oh and one more thing I doubt u know, if your girl signs a prenup and u are unfaithful during the course of your marriage, come divorce, prenup will be void :)
It’s quite telling that the majority of the four-letter words that will reflexively slam your comment are the first ones to defend the author as espousing a perfectly sensible female life-strategy.
“Financial viability is a major component of successful marriage” is just shameless double-talk which really means “men who can’t afford to buy a woman’s happiness can go to hell”.
But as women become increasingly self-centered, materialistic whores, many men are wising up and putting off marriage until later in life. Those already married, more than ever before, are taking judicious steps to secure their assets in the event of a split. If the above article is any true indication of the pulse of the contemporary American female, it is a trend which we can only expect to continue into the future.
The author would do well to consider that men who use wealth to attract or manipulate female companions are typically very superficial and fickle in their affections and loyalties, besides being the quickest to move onto the next “pretty face”, as the poster here has ironically suggested.
I am all for saving money and that; but how do I convince my girlfriend to stop spending my money on junk like $200 handbags and $100 dinners when we can’t afford it?
she always says that she wants to leave me for a man that can pay for her expensive goods, even though I have a stable job and I save my money (or should I say: TRY to save our money, because my girfriend pushes me into withdrawing money from my savings and spending it on expensive clothes and foods)
you should not put yourself through a relationship like this…remember if it’s appearance you are concerned about, there are enough beautiful women out there not obsessed with wealth…Find a woman who appreciates you and even if she had $200 in her old handbag, would not spend that kind of money on a new $200 handbag…
There is nothing worse than marrying a dumb woman just for her looks and age. The conversation is brain-numbing you’ll wish you were dead. And they start off seemingly nice and innocent but when they find out what you’re worth, they blow the cash on rubbish and plastic surgery because their looks are all they have to offer. Just too dumb to get it.
Point is, marry an intelligent, moderately attractive woman who you can hold a conversation with and has a life of her own. She will intrigue you and you won’t have to sit around discussing her Prada shoes or other nonsense. Trust me I married one. Am 50 and she is 32 and we have a young child so divorce is not an option. I could but I will have to support her dumb-ass since she has my child, while she runs around with other men. Big big mistake.
Dude, come on! Stop being such a pussy. I’ve never paid for anything like a purse, etc.. for a girlfriend unless it was her birthday or Christmas. Actually, I’ve never had a girl ask me to buy her things because they know I’m not a pussy and I don’t date that kind of girl. Dump her IMMEDIATELY and get on a dating website like Match.com or OK Cupid so you can pick your chicks more wisely this time. I’m 29 and make $145,000 – $160,000 a year.
Well I am 22, very sexy, and I make $180-250k. So there! Haha! I win…Bill and Patrick You have forgotten the art of chivalry therefore I would never consider u. Why? Because I have a boyfriend who is intelligent, wealthy, GENEROUS, and Sexy. He is 50 yrs old… Our sex life is great and i am not a mooch, but rather he does things because he wants to and would never “dangle the carrot” as u put it. Yes there is always an exception out there boys! But if u want all the above u must BE all the above! If you are a 5 then why are you too good to date other 5′s? But like most men u refuse to grasp that concept. I see many more failed relationships ahead of u! Oh btw Bill $100-200k does not make u a baller but I bet u find loads of hot high school girls falling for your bs ;) real women spot that game a mile away sweetie… U hate women with a passion! I strongly suggest underage Asian dating sites for you specifically, Bill
Dude, Kick that loser chick out the door!!
Reading the comments above i married a Prostitute thinking it was love it was not in the end it was money she wanted and when i said stop working she insited she was inependant and wanted to carry on it did not last beyond a year so my exerience is watch aout and LOve is the most important thing,it was cheaper to go and see the ex in work than keep her throwing moey her way all the time,so beware
men who prey on women for sex are disgusting and sadly not enough is sad about women who prey on men for their money….they are disgusting legal prostitues. If laws were altered to disallow divorces to end with the guy paying most of what he earned HIMSELF (tiger and elin–she’s disgusting) then I think women wouldn’t date at all. The number of unmarried women has been increasing year after year and I think it’s because they know guys aren’t as eager to go out and cheat just so they can get their payday. Ultimately, when we all realize that thing between women’s legs isn’t worth the hassle, we can progress like actual human beings.
This Article is a load of cr@p…unless you’re a robot…
I am not sure how long you have been married and what religion you follow if any, but if there’s one truth in this world is that wealth can disappear in an instant. Sure some people are fortunate in that they are born into wealth or even acquire wealth and live their financial dream throughout their lifetime; but finding that person and gambling on that at the point of saying ‘yes’ is pretty materialistic to me.
For couples who begin out at a low income and work together whether both are in the workplace or one at home; but have that mutual understanding and belief in each other..they are in a far better position to face tough times later in life than you would be missy. I know generations of couples who started out poorly, some even excelled beyond their dreams, some increased their wealth gradually but they have remained happily together and passed that philosophy of ‘finding love with reason and understanding, acceptance’ through to new generations.
“Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money” No, let me preface this by saying that is just about exactly what you are saying, marry primarily for money. And I allow and believe a woman should not marry a loser that can’t make a living, a life of burden. But that is as much profiteering as is decent, as much as marriage should be treated like incorporating a business. Beyond that it is about marrying your best friend, someone you can work with and would like to chat and eat popcorn with while watching the movie of life go by. Just about all the bitter women I’ve seen fighting over alimony are of this mentality, angry they are being replaced with a better model. The more aged ones go on and on about what jerks are. At best they are roommates, like an arranged marriage.
They little realize they are the authors of their own tepid or even crappy lives.
Shallow and soulless way of thinking, though I believe that it is a well justified standard among women. Still unmarried at thirty, all of my latest girlfriends especially, take my gifts and gestures without an ounce of gratitude and with a sense of entitlement. My sister married a sugar daddy so she can have babies and buy cute shoes. My brother had a child with a woman who gave up on her doctorate that she was about to defend because now she has a man to take care of her. So go on women, don’t do your part in a relationship, trade your ass for cash. Know you are property, and deserve to be treated as such because you sold yourself. To those select few women who still have a sense of decency, know that it’s a gift and putting a price on it strips you of your right to call it love.
I understand what the author is trying to say, despite the plethora of negative (mostly from men, it seems) comments here.
No one wants to take on someones financial irresponsibility. I have to take care of myself and my disabled father because he was bad with money and has no retirement of any sort. No one wants to look for a mate with excess baggage, whether they are emotional, violent, or financial.
So yes, when I look for a mate, I’d like someone with a job. Does that mean he has to make 100k a year? Absolutely not. It means he is trying and doing his part. I’d marry a fry cook from McDonalds without a second thought if I knew he was the type of person to do his part and work hard. It’s not marrying for money, it’s marrying someone who is responsible and doing what they can to move forward.
My mother took in a young man when I was in highschool that was only a few years older than me that she met on the internet. For 3 years he was “applying for jobs”, but for 3 years he sucked thousands of dollars out of her to support him while he lived with us. That is what the author is referring to in my opinion. That is something we, as women, should not marry into. Otherwise you’re just supporting another child.
It’s the same for men, I’d never expect a man to marry a woman who either 1. doesn’t work or 2. if she doesn’t work, she doesn’t take care of things around the house either (same for women, btw, if my husband doesn’t work, I expect him to be doing things around the house while he looks for work or taking care of the kids).
And to the commentators talking about women fighting for alimony. I left my husband and denied alimony because I decided I was going to stand on my own two feet. So no, not all women are out for sugar daddy’s and alimony. That’s not the purpose of this article at all.
i think its the mans stupidity for being fooled by a woman’s looks and thinking shes into him. So men know it and turn a blind eye by accepting it as it is the way it is in society. The trouble is good looking women have bargaining power, they always have had doors opened. to them, and can pick and choose exactly what there looking for. Money comes into it not so much as to there long term thinking but what they want in fun. An example would be a guy a girls dating takes her to the movies and drinks, during the dating process another guy she meets offers to go sky diving next weekend an offer she cant resist along with his charms. She has a great time and of course would brush off the other guy for next time. You gota turn the tables and think what if it was all reverse girls looked for guys, you could go to a bar and there was 400 single girls with few single guys..you have good looking ones hit on you all the time. Your standards would climb up n up and you would look for women who were not just good looking but good looking and a lawyer or a doctor..Its bargaining power girls have it and does suck cause they don’t see it from a different perspective.
i refuse to pay the price you’re asking for the use of your vagina. go find a stupid “man with a plan”.
I find it hilarious how up in arms the commentors are over this article. If you despise superficiality then why don’t you shack up with a fifty-year-old, obese woman? After all, love is blind, right? Get serious. Wealthy and frankly, the not weathy among men want the most attractive woman they can find. They make no apologies about this extremely superficial view but get upset and throw a fit when a woman has requirements for herself.
I don’t believe in marrying “for money” but I’d never marry a man who was broke because after the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Car problems, no health insurance, lack of a vacation…ever- that’s my sister’s reality. She is miserable. Marry someone with goals who understands that life involves fundamental basics for living.
Anything less is settling for unhappiness.
So, looking for a man to “rescue you” is ok then? Wow…not exactly the feminist view
You said…
Car problems, no health insurance, lack of a vacation…ever (so what, who does, I don’t) …not looking for a woman to rescue me (equals rights). All things being equal, if both a man and woman are equal in all things, then by virtue of being female, she has the responsibility to find the highest paying man she can find. By being a man, he has the job finding any female that will accept him based on his income?
A sickening subject as I know for a fact , some women who (trade up), taking the kids with them. The father is simply a historic part of her life. So, what do we teach the kids…That money makes you valuable. I guess I have more respect for the streetwalkers as it is less pretentious. I see these good catches as “frauds”…Nice hair, clothes, shoes, teeth. The guys that “buy” them often are not “self made”, just born with silver spoons up their ( )….influential families that are more responsible for the successes then they are. Ahhh…self – love…..
I can just imagine the comments from women I would get If I said the only women I would settle for were the gorgeous model types just out of college, (pig,robbing the cradle,flithy….,)whatever…
I’m sorry-what world do you live in? Men do this every day! There are men who will only date the types that you listed because that’s their preference and frankly, I don’t care. If it suits them then who am I to complain about it?
I am attracted to men that look like my husband-tall, dark, muscular, shaved head with a goatee. Does that make me a bad person-Heck no. LOL Just stop, everyone likes what they like, nothing wrong what that!
ginger…if you are so happy, why are you TROLLING? makes you look like LOSER
If we’re going to go strictly by financial terms, then fine. I’m financially well off, and a successful property investor. Not a billionaire, but confidently rich, Since you want relationships to be defined as a financial transaction, let’s evaluate it as one:
(1) Do you match my investment (in the marriage) on a dollar-for-dollar basis? Unless you do (and most people can’t, believe me), what use are you as a partner? Are you so certain you want to define the relationship as a financial transaction?
When you choose to use finance as a yardstick, you fall short. I wouldn’t marry you. All your good looks, intelligence, and eloquence mean nothing. There is no definitive value in them. In effect, your market positioning has devalued your assets.
If we did get married, it would be a case of me buying a new TV or a coffee maker. And you would be discarded or replaced with equal ease. Are you certain that’s what you want?
(2) You have stopped talking about financial security, and started talking about profit. Understand that the two are very different. Not going bankrupt is financially secure. Not going bankrupt but not generating millions, is financially unprofitable.
Are you referring to a man who is financially secure (can pay his loans), or a man who is rich? If you meant the former, your title is wrong. It should be “Smart Women Marry for SECURITY”.
(3) You are not “in control” of your financial destiny if you marry me for money. Rather, I’M in control of YOUR financial destiny. That’s like saying “I have control of my financial destiny now, because I am an employee in company X”. It’s delusional.
You have INFLUENCE, which is entirely different from control. And it’s far less powerful.
(4) You have misunderstood your own quote. It says that the unity comes from struggling together to make ends meet, to make a profit, etc. It says nothing about being acquired as a luxury item, and then leaving the other person to do all the work.
Part of financial security means having the willingness to tough things out. I wouldn’t pick a partner who’s in it for a quick buck, and who’s so openly a cop-out. From the way you present yourself, I know you’re going to cut and run when times get bad.
YOU aren’t a financially secure bet.
No offence, but before bringing up the subject of finance, do spend some time thinking as a business woman. Even stepping back from the emotional context, and looking at it in a level-headed way, your discussion of marriage and finance is like a treatise on unicorns.
Fascinating, but useless.
Guys, You do the same thing. You marry for money too.
I can tell you what happened to me that is why I am at this site. I married a bum essentially, who lied to me about his job and his life. He embazzled money from my family, we lost money in the amounts of 7digits, I lost all my savings and this useless _____ kidnapped our son in this entire process, leading to a legal battle which cost me tens of thousands more to get him back. He was also a abusive alcoholic f__. If you think I am stupid, let me tell you, he was so good at pretending and keeping things down low, I didn’t know all this till we got married, even his family was in on all of it. I am not ugly, in fact I am approached by modeling agencies in every country I go, I lived on 3 continents and had a great life. Essentially, I am beautiful, I am very savvy about the world, I have my own money and I am not a material girl. I was just Naive and too trusting. I got beat every few days, my credit cards stolen by him and me and my son were almost shot in our heads with his guns. Till this day, he refuses to give our son up..Know why? Cause he knows my family has the money he nor his family could ever have even if they work till death and not sleep. He wants to milk our son in the future. So all you guys who think you have so much money and know so much, Please..think before you speak. Your little girls might be next.
If I had to make the choice again, I would do as this author suggests and Marry someone on Par with me, not some pretentious bum who can’t even spell. Ladies, Never be soft-hearted because you are the ones who suffer in the end. At the end of the day, my poor son is the one who suffers, he is still to young to understand what we both have been through and what he is to expect in the future.
GET OVER YOURSELF….you can marry whomever you choose…..if you are as awesome as you say you are, you wouldn’t be trolling the internet…..
if money makes the difference in who you marry or not then there is no excuse you are a whore. if your marriage is built on a foundation of materialistic value your gonna find yourself in dark places. follow your heart and whom you love truley it is one of the most valued things in this short time here in life. god bless
Also, smart men shouldn’t marry fat women. Okay, now that we’re all on the same page . . .
not sure if you are a man or woman, but I agree………whine aboout “i”m fat, aren’t i?” or “f”ing get on p90 x….Tony will be your best friend
MARIE: get over yourself……if you were as successful and sexually satisfied as you say….you would not be trolling on the internet.
Smart men deserve smart women…PERIOD!
some men marry solely for looks and some women marry solely for money. if you are in a truly loving relationship money and looks wont matter because both disappear over time. women who are beautiful have no trouble getting men, but most women who are beautiful use men for their money. guys who are with woman like this should kick them to the curb immediately and men shouldnt marry solely for looks. i myself am a so-so looking 37 year old men who is unemployed and has a decent amount of money saved up but not enough money to please any of the shallow asshole woman that ive met over the years. and i have dated girls who werent that good looking but it didnt work out for whatever reason- usually because they wanted to get back with their asshole ex boyfriends who treated them like shit instead of staying with a nice good hearted guy like me. im single now and i think i am better off.
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