Ginger is a fashionista in her late 20s — a wife and graduate student striving to have it all. She wrote this article for Consumerism Commentary, but Ginger also publishes the blog Girls Just Wanna Have Funds, and you can subscribe to the blog’s RSS feed here.
Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage. However, I am suggesting that women who marry partners that are financially savvy, motivated by money and have aligned views about their attitudes to money, are indeed smarter than their counterparts who don’t when choosing a life partner. I will detail the benefits of choosing a partner that has a solid financial plan in place and uses money as a tool and not a crutch.
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Financially savvy
Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t. Why? These women know that in order to have a marriage built to last that finances play a huge role in the viability of the marriage. I know it sounds like we’re discussing a corporate merger but bear with me; after all, marriage in some respects is like a business.
1969 Inc., said it best when asked for her insights to marriage,
It’s like running a corporation. A business venture. You have to go into it knowing that it could fail or it could succeed beyond your wildest dreams and make you rich… If the employees don’t share the vision, believe in the vision and work together, the endeavor will fail. Some businesses will get rich. Some will barely make ends meet. Some will never make a dime. The money does not measure success. The sense of accomplishment will come from the daily struggle… the love of what you do, working together day in and day out.
The reality is that personal finance issues are the leading cause of divorce and in order to live happily ever after, you must be on the same page as far as your finances are concerned. No, if, ands or buts about it. Capisce?
So what makes these women smarter?
Aligned financial values
When smart women meet a partner, they aren’t wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, after all those come a dime a dozen. These women are looking at how their potential partners spend money. Does he have an emergency fund? Is he current on their monthly bills such as the car payment and rent/mortgage? Does he spend more than he earns? Does he put money aside in his savings account? They’re listening keenly to understand how their potential mates relate to money. Is it a tool? Is it a crutch? They know the difference and conduct business accordingly. Should the potential mate fall into the category of the above mentioned then it’s time to say good-bye. After all, who wants a man who isn’t interested in learning how to manage his money effectively? They are in it for the long haul, not a few cheap dates.
Motivated by money to create the life they want
Smart women are up to date on the latest issues in personal finance. They understand rate chasing, investing for the long haul and understand that while they may have substantial savings, practice and embrace frugality. They look for similar if not the same qualities in their potential mates. Smart women want to be able to relate not only on a romantic level, but also on issues regarding personal finance.
A man with a plan
Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t. Where does he see himself in 2 years? 5 years? 10 years? Is he thinking long or short term? That answer will determine the course of the relationship. Ideally he should be able to think past next month’s car payment and project how much he will have in his savings account by year’s end. This an expectation for smart women, not a hope or a dream, but something they demand and require in a potential mate.
Take a few minutes to let it all sink in. Gone are the days when gold diggers were secretly envied because they were able to go for the gusto and stifle high pitched screams during musty sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon. Move over and make way for women who are in control of their financial destinies and not afraid to say it. They are armed with a positive net worth and not afraid to flaunt it.
Are you a smart woman?
Photo: shawnzrossi
If you liked this article, read more from Ginger at Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.
Updated October 21, 2015 and originally published February 19, 2008.
{ 171 comments… read them below or add one }
Marriage like a business ? I know this is a financial blog, but honestly, a business you can close if it doesn’t return as you expected. I certainly hope you don’t view your marriage this way.
Marriage is like a business and that is why I did not accept my boyfriends proposal. Because I paid attention to my credit and paying my bills on time and finishing school while he did not. So I have okay credit and he is in deep deep debt with past due child support and student loans he’s ignored for years. And he says I wont marry him because I only care about money. But is I marry him then his creditors will start attaching liens to my home and garnishing my income tax refund for his student loan payments….so maybe he only wants to marry me so this burden will be taken care of me instead of him. So no I will not marry him for love. If he loved me he would be with me regardless and try to clean up his act. But he is giving me an ultimatum like some female does…if you dont marry I’m going to start seeing other people….Well goodbye!!! That;s not love…that’s a man that wants some dumb woman to pay his bills for him.
That is not even the point. The fact that you guys are in this situation shows that both of you aren’t mature enough to get married. A real mature couple wouldn’t be talking about marriage if one is in a financial crisis. The point is women should not marry a man because he is rich, that just shows how lazy, weak , and incapable women are. Not that far from the prostitute down the street.
No, you mean HE is not mature. HE is the one talking about marriage, not her. She is mature and realistic enough to know that financial problems can end a marriage
Thank you for taking care of yourself and being so smart. You are dead on target with this one.
Wow! Jenny you’re very smart! Most women are not that smart, but you are able to see right through him. Right on girl!
If you are asking this question after the fact of being already married, then you clearly have a one in a million happy marriage where finances are of no concern. Consider yourself blessed…but for every other woman who isn’t married or is looking for a suitable spouse, finances are not something to be taken lightly. There are plenty of people of both sexes who know nothing about money management, work 40-80 hour work weeks, make $80k/year and still complain about being broke. Yes, with all that spending on the weekends to “unwind” and the majority of people with large college debt, that’s pretty much the dating pool in metropolitan areas. People are more materialistic now than in the 1950’s and have no idea about building a nest egg, saving, or living within their means. It’s not just about money, it’s reflective on a person’s character. God will not bless anyone with more when they can’t handle the blessings they already have.
For a second there I thought it was going to be the return of Lynzee Stauss. *whew*
You make some good points but I can’t let you off the hook that easily.
Why is the focus on the man making the money and having the plan? Is this 1958 or 2008? Yes, it’s important find someone on the same wavelength financially but if the woman wants to be in control of her financial destiny then shouldn’t she take the reins? Stop relying on the man, there’s not much he can do that you can’t go out and do yourself!
I suppose this is a response to the whole man-child phenomenon we are seeing in recent decades. You certainly don’t want to be stuck married to one of *these* guys. But the thing to keep in mind is that people change, they grow up. That doesn’t mean you should waste time waiting around for a man-child to grow up, but it also means he may get his act together eventually and turn into marriage material according to your criteria.
Finally, I’d like to point out that being married to a type-A guy (you know what the A stands for, right?) who is “go-go-go career-career-career” is not always what it’s cracked up to be. My wife knows tons of SAHMs who are raising their kids (essentially) alone, driving luxury SUVs, sucking down lattes. It’s a great life except for the part where their husbands spend more time at work and on the golf course than they do with the kids…but that’s what you sign up for when you marry a guy whose got a plan and is “motivated by money.”
As I asked before, why put your destiny in the hands of some guy? Make your own destiny and find a sweet, caring guy to be a SAHD to your children. This world needs more SAHDs!
Actually… I fell for it and fell in love with a man for love and not money. I figured he would eventually grow up and get his act together and I tried to help as much as possible. When he was in college I paid bills for him and put my life on hold to help him try to find his path. But after all this time, this man still has not gotten his act together and since the economy is such that I haven’t received a raise in over 3 years I can’t afford to do as much anymore…so what does he do…he leaves me for a woman who doesn’t have any kids so he can depend on her now. So I wasted the best years of my life trying to help this man and in the end I look like the stupid one. Alone and struggling all by myself while he is just as happy as can be with his new woman. And what is his excuse…I wouldnt marry him. Oh I wonder why.
You were blessed with a gift! Good riddance seriously!
Is this it? Women have fought and struggled for years and for what? So women could be as greedy as men? Love is love, business is business. A whore is someone who can’t tell the difference. I have had my heart ripped out because I was “financially uncertain” which is a nice way of saying I don’t hate my life. You’re right about some things. If you want a certain lifestyle and it takes money to get it. Fine. But don’t tell me you can’t love someone because they don’t pull six figures or they have bad credit. Why don’t you just go crawl back into the bordello and wait for the next John.
Communication is more basic than financial savvy. People can be happily married while living very meagerly–if they decide that’s what they both want to do.
Plus, a healthy marriage recognizes the gifts and weaknesses of each person. It may just be the case that the husband isn’t particularly gifted with thinking ahead with money, but he might have compensating traits.
In the end, it doesn’t matter–because it’s quite hard to change who you’ll fall in love with anyways ;)
Communication is the bedrock, and finances are built upon it.
I’m going to side with the other commentators here… Focusing on a man’s financial savvy isn’t really what you should be looking for when dating. Sure, having money is great, and having money skills is important to. But marriage is most certainly not a business, and those who view it that way will either be unhappy, or end up in divorce court.
Take control of finances together, and you’ll (both) be much happier in the long run.
While I definitely don’t think you should marry FOR money or financial savvy, the absence of such would be a red flag for me. The number one cause of marital strife is money/finances. Why stack the cards against yourself if you don’t have to?
I would have run in the opposite direction if my hubby had tons of debt and poor financial management skills. i wanted (and got) a man who shared my same values and financial values is one of those.
I love that I can talk extensively about money with my boyfriend. He inspired me to invest even more in my 401(K) and I alerted him to the need to move his substantial savings into an account with a real interest rate.
Money and relationships is another example where the social taboo against talking about your finances can really hurt you. The problem most people have when they go into a marriage isn’t that they don’t share financial values – it’s that they don’t even know what their partner’s financial values ARE!
If you can’t bear your entire financial life to someone, and have them do the same, you should not be marrying them. Finances tie into so many other important parts of a marriage.
Of course, people will say that I have no idea what I’m talking about, being young and un-married – but I like to think I’m observant about the marriages of the people around me and I can definitely tell you that money is the absolute number 1 source of marital tension that I see.
Wow. I can totally relate you 100%!! I’m also very young and even when talking to older people, I get looked at like I’m a mean cold, materialistic person for thinking that finances are a big deal in a relationship. The truth of the matter is that they are very important!!
People don’;t think it’s romantic, but guess what? Financial problems are real and will most likely present themselves at some point in the marriage.
It’s cute and romantic not to think about it, but it is mature and realistic to know that they will play a huge role in the relationship (aside from communication, respect, etc).
After all the feelings of butterflies subside you want to be left with a partner who has your same vision and same values. just like how employers at a successful company have the vision of working towards a common goal with similar work ethics.
I would have to agree with savvy – a lack of money in a man would be a red flag to me and I’d run the other direction. I probably wouldn’t have fallen in love with my husband if he’d been the type who didn’t have dreams and aspirations which included being financially successful. Because we have both followed our career dreams and are on the road to financial success our marriage is much stronger. We’ve been together 13 years and we are still madly in love. We never argue, never. There is simply nothing to argue about.
Great post!
First off, to the other readers, I don’t think she ever so much as implied that money is the most important factor when dating. Maybe you can’t choose who you fall in love with, but love alone isn’t enough — I’ve known lots of women in bad relationships who love their partners, but that doesn’t mean that they should stay with them.
Nor did she say that women should worry about the guy’s money skills but neglect their own. There is plenty of info on that topic elsewhere.
Nor do I take her article to say that you should only look for rich guys. There are many rich people who have awful money skills and blow it all, while there are plenty of poor people who do remarkably well with what they have.
Nor is someone type-A just because they work hard and take care of their money.
So, yes, I definitely agree that you should consider how a man treats money. Is it the most important factor? No — but it can be very telling when it comes to other aspects of his personality. Plus, if a guy sucks at handling money now, he’s not going to change overnight (and maybe not at all).
I’m with this post up to a point. The Dual Income No Kids lifestyle has its allure…
However, I can predict how hollow that existence will be 15,20,30 years down the line. I aspire to be wealthy and I now that my wife likes that aspect of my personality, but it is a small part of who I am. If that was what she was worried about first, and the rest later, I don’t know if I’d be happy with that.
There is such a thing as two people who are opposites balancing each other out. If I were single I’d save 40% of my income, but because I have her in my life she brings be back to reality and we strive (but rarely hit) the 20% savings mark.
I guess my point is that all types of relationships can work, and wealth can be created even when one spouse is not actively involved in the process. As others have commented, communication is important, and I would add that so is balance in the relationship and in the individuals involved.
Adfecto,
I don’t understand what this has to do with DINKS… Maybe I missed something, but I didn’t read anything in this post that said that the goal was DINKS, just as she didn’t say that women should be SAHMs or guys should be SAHDs. The point, as I read it, was that women should at least consider a guy’s money skills as part of the package.
While people can certainly balance each other out, there are limits. In the end, if they don’t have complementary goals, there’s going to be trouble. And if either of them isn’t wise about their money, there’s going to be trouble. I’ve seen it happen time and time again: one person is a big spender, the other watches in horror as their hard-earned money disappears into debt. They don’t balance each other — one sucks the other dry! And yes, in some cases, one person is far too miserly and makes the other person miserable. That doesn’t work any better.
Bottom line, I don’t think anyone should get married before at least knowing where their partner stands when it comes to finances, and considering how that will work with their own ideas about money. (Not that it can’t work out if they disagree, but compromises may be necessary.)
Thanks for the mention! I know men understand rate chasing as well :)
Thanks for all the feedback! MY apologies for getting back to all of you so late, Im just getting in the door.
Anyhoo, just to address concerns about it seeming as though I am promoting ONLY thinking about men in terms of their wallet… that isnt the case and I made that clear, hopefully in the first few sentences. I really wanted to drive home the importance of selecting a mate with a healthy attitude towards personal finance.
@ Toby–I think there are a few directions we could go with but that’s my main point. Not to promote women being in their marriage alone as that is another story, not quite the focus I had here in the post. Still, a good point.
@ Ryan, I agree.
@ Llama Money–that excerpt was simply an analogy not to be taken literally. However, there are salient points to be taken from that excerpt which I certainly agree with it only because at times it is like a partnership that you have to keep fostering to make sure that it works out. that’s my take on it. I didn’t mean it to be literal.
@ Meg- THANK YOU!!!! LOL!! This is exactly the point I was trying to convey. I in no way wanted to imply anything else than what was written here. This has nothing to do with DINKS-SAHMs or SAHDs. Just that a woman should be looking into HOW a man manages money and not HOW MUCH money he has… Adfect, I hope that clears it up for you.
What I also find interesting…. of those that have posted that I can tell from the names and writing style…that are women, they agree with the basic point and sentiment of the post. The men who have responded seem to disagree and quite frankly resist the idea of a woman looking at them in this manner. Moreso I guess what it can infer…. a woman possibly coming into the relationship with some financial savvy about her. Is that an issue? Is is threatening?. Just something to think about.
Eh. I think what matters more is that he’s willing to be open and communicate with you about it. Not everyone is evenly matched as far as financial interest and savvy. What matters is that the two of you can talk, that he’ll (or she’ll) listen to you, and that if you’re the one who does all the research and such he goes along with it most of the time and that he’ll share reasons and listen to your counterarguments if he disagrees.
I married a man with a lot of student loans. I knew, however, that other than his loans, car payment and small credit card debt (under $900) he didn’t have bad spending habits. His financial character was good.
He says that it’s great I’m interested in financial stuff, so I have financial reigns. I just communicate with him about what I’m doing and why and I try to teach him important things as I learn them.
Financially speaking I don’t know if marrying him was a wise choice (though if we divorce, I’m still debt-free). But in all other ways, he’s an excellent and supportive partner, a great conversationalist, loving, etc. So I think it was definitely the right choice.
I wouldn’t marry a guy who spends wildly and beyond his means just as I wouldn’t marry a guy who drinks a lot. But I don’t think we both have to be on the same financially savvy page as long as we communicate.
You were very smart in that the partner had student loans. Student loans are not at all bad loans. It shows that a partner has taken the initiative to invest in himself. What you didn’t tell us is his level of college education. As an investment, education has higher ROI (Return on investment). Maybe you wouldn’t have married him if he didn’t have that level of education in the first place. Maybe you would have thought twice if his debts were as a result of indulgences. Isn’t it ironic that most single female professionals’ dating profiles indicate that their ideal mate should be college educated? What does this imply? With college education comes more earning power and the smarts.
You’re very welcome, Ginger! It still surprises me how much some people try to read between the lines for something that’s just not there — and miss the point as a result.
I also suspected that there might be a gender split when it comes to attitudes… though it’s hard to tell.
Obviously, I’m a gal. For those that don’t know me and my blog, I’m a young married woman, married now for over 6 years. Our finances are far from perfect, but I look around and realize how fortunate I am to be married to a guy who does have a healthy and admirable work ethic, who does has similar financial goals, who understands the basics, and who isn’t a complete spendthrift. I would hate to be married to a guy that put our future in jeopardy with poor financial planning or obsessive overspending.
That said, we’ve been working more on communication lately so that we can work together to improve our financial situation. No matter who plugs in the numbers, it takes both people working together to make things work.
Again, I highly recommend talking about finances in depth before getting married.
@ Meg-Agreed. We have had our ups and downs as well and I can say that we have for the most part been very open about finances and the impact that it can have on our relationship.
Communication is a basic aspect of all good marriages and partnership so that wasnt even in question. Moving past all the “givens” and “must haves” in a relationship…where are you financially? How savvy is your partner? Knowledge is just as good as communication. This was never meant to make anyone feel “less than” if their mates don’t have all the characteristics noted in the post but its definitely something to think about.
My husband has made great progress in his attitude towards personal finance but he also taught me a few things along the lines of real estate investing and career. He came into our relationship with large profits after selling his home before the bubble burst. While he was savvy enough around real estate, he didnt know what to do with it. That’s where our personal finance journey started. So yes communication is really key to making sure that this aspect of your relationship works.
Heh, I read the opening point. But further down you state:
“When smart women meet a partner, they aren’t wooed by good looks and the smooth talk, after all those come a dime a dozen. These women are looking at how their potential partners spend money.”
That sort of points you back in the other direction – money is more important than chemistry and physical attraction. Money matters, but being attracted to, and “clicking with” someone is more important.
Perhaps the title is misleading then? The title suggests that money be the main focus of courtship, while the article tries to get away from that.
Curiosity makes me ask, why, in today’s world, is it still expected that the man be the primary breadwinner / financial expert? Do you suggest that men also only seek women who are financially secure and have their financial future all planned out?
Not to sound sexist ( though this probably will sound that way ), but if men only married women who were financially secure and great with money, there would be a whole lot more single people in the world today.
Did you miss this part of the opening paragraph:
Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage.
Please take the article at face value. I am already assuming that women are already financially stable and savvy and that they seek partners who are like them in this respect. Nothing more nothing less. Please don’t read more into the article than already stated. I think this is where one can get a bit carried away in assumptions.
No where in the article did I state that the man should or would be the breadwinner. I stated that he should have his financial house in order. I suggest nothing more or less than what was stated.
Regarding your last sentence, a lot of us would be better off and would be able to avoid divorce if we considered this aspect of our lives before jumping the broom. Man or woman, your financial house should be in order.
Not at all…you missed this part:
“how their potential partners spend money”
How meaning, are they saving….spending more than they earn…saving for retirement etc etc
Good looks and the smooth talk are superficial and come a dime a dozen. “Clicking” with someone or chemistry is a given.
You’re definitely reading more into the article than what I stated :-)
Excellent post. That butterflies in the tummy feeling does not last forever — you also need to have a working partnership in addition to the love to make a marriage last.
Chemistry, lust, physical attraction, etc. are not at all hard to find and definitely shouldn’t be the basis for marriage. Marrying a man (or vice versa if you’re a man) who spends frivolously would make it extremely difficult achieve financial security.
Marrying a poor money manager then hoping that “love” will make it all fall into place is a bit Cinderella-ish.
I think Mrs. Micah hit the nail on the head when she said her hubby’s financial character is good. I think that’s what Ginger was trying to say. We can’t all marry someone who is debt-free but I think there’s a big difference in marrying someone who may not make or have much money but manages it wisely vs marrying a spendthrift.
I don’t think both people have to be equally financially savvy but there has to be good financial character and an openness/willingness to learn (or follow).
Llama Money,
Like Ginger said, good looks and smooth talk is definitely a dime a dozen. I’ve met more than a few of them that turned out to be abusive to their girlfriends/wives. Bottom line, chemistry isn’t everything, either — especially when you’re talking about a lifelong commitment. And while being bad with money might not sound like “abuse”, at some levels it can be — and it can also be an early sign of an abuser.
Of course, there are nice looking guys that are nice and have a financial plan. I’m married to one.
But if I were looking for a partner again…
All else being equal, I’d prefer the guy that knew that credit cards weren’t “free money” and didn’t spend every penny he brought in. And in fact, a guy like that would easily beat out better looking guys that don’t think about their financial future at all.
As for your earlier comment, I do think that society (at least in the U.S.) does expect the guy to be the primary breadwinner and handle the finances. That does seem unfair considering that women can do the job just as well — and often do. Whatever society expects, though, I think women should make sure that they educate themselves about finances.
Also, there’s more to “clicking” and “chemistry” than looks. That might work for the first few minutes, but there are many things that can be huge turn-offs, like not leaving a tip when the service was great, or constantly asking for money because they really couldn’t afford the huge t.v. they just bought.
Personally, a great mind and a great heart are bigger turn-ons for me — and they tend to last a lot longer than good looks.
“Not to sound sexist ( though this probably will sound that way ), but if men only married women who were financially secure and great with money, there would be a whole lot more single people in the world today.”
I second that! I’m 35, never married. No debts, except for mortgage. Make a pretty good salary that most two earner families live on. Maxed out on 401k. Etc…
For all the women I meet that are looking for “financially secure” men, I can count MAYBE two of them that actually had their own financial house in order. Go figure.
So I’m being “smart”. And staying single.
I agree that smart women marry “for money” and I also agree with Single that smart men should do the same.
I’m working hard, saving, and building a good income–and I am certainly not going to marry a man who doesn’t do the same but happens to have an affinity for Lexus and Niemen’s. And I wouldn’t expect any man to do the same.
(PS, this is my first comment on this site – I’m not the same Meg as above!)
Oops, forgot this was a guest post. the above is not my first comment on CC – just on this post.
If I were a man, I would not want a partner who views me as a meal ticket. I would respect a partner who considers fiscal responsibility a priority and shares the efforts toward maintaining that in the marriage. I would cherish a partner that is more to me than either a parasite or a business partner – someone who I am compatible with whom I share much more than financial goals. It’s about so much more than money. Who says that you win by acquiring the most toys? But to be clear, I have no issue with the idea of avoiding irresponsible potential partners. Fiscal irresponsibility, just like all other types of irresponsibility, is a fair weeding criteria.
So is it fair for a man to not want a women who makes less than him? Part of the weeding out process right? Can u share financial goals if one person is a hair dresser and another a CEO? Cuz what I’m hearing is a women who owns her own business or is a CEO should reject the construction worker because he is not financially saavy.
You just don’t get it. It’s not about who makes more. One partner could make 50k but have 150k worth of debt while the other one makes 30k but owes nothing, which in my opinion is better because at least he doesn’t owe every penny he makes! There’s celebrities who get to make in the 100k+ range yet they go bankrupt because they don’t know how to manage their money.
I would definitely marry someone who makes somewhat less that me as long as they prove that they are responsible spenders with some savings in the bank
Well said, HD! I think that’s exactly what Ginger and I are trying to say!
This article is little more than an intellectually disinjenuous Victorian era justification for selfaggrandizement. Women shouldn’t marry “solely” for money? Its the whole little bit pregnant thing. And, men that are “motovated by money” are “smarter” than their counterparts that aren’t. Actually men who are driven by money are not only some of the most boring bumps on a log one could ever wish to be subjected to but they usually aren’t around much to share their intellectual narrowness with you. I don’t know, maybe that’s a plus. The smartest people on earth often have the least financially to show for it-scientists, artists, writters, composers, etc. But more troubling than the notion that American women should in 2008 be shopping for a husband is the deceptive nature of her advise. Directness of communication and financial savvyness are laudible qualities for men and women. Openness and honesty are indespensible. But I’d like to see the author put it into practice. If my girlfriend were to intimate the kind of intentions the author promulgates in this article I could not take her seriously and would feel as HD mentions above. Brava HD! Savvyness is great but you have to be able to pull your own donkey, or agree on an arrangement based on who does what best and where each other is, independant from your love or feelings for one another (nearly 1/3 of married men is a SAHD). Love and money don’t mix. Neither is a substitute for the other nor should it be an inducement in any way. I’m sure that financial problems would not plague American relationships as much as they do if financial status were not as exalted as it is. Couples have a mutual duty to be responsible, demonstrate their industry how ever they best do it and to not be a spendthrift. Not to produce wealth or the promise of it. Looking for that suggests looking for love in all the wrong places. Women should be “in control of their financial destinys”. But that’s a far cry from assesing other men’s potential financial destinys as a benchmark for who they will or will not love.
JDB,
You are right, this is a controversial article as I figured it would strike a nerve with most of the men reading, after all who wants to be viewed as a meal ticket. However, as Ive said to others you’re reading way tooo deeply into the story. What I meant is what I wrote.
After receiving comments on my own site and emails about the article further discussing it Ive come to the conclusion that its easier for some men to evoke sentiments of love and communication rather than think about the very issues that drives so many divorces today. The divorce rate in this country has skyrocketed in part due to issues around money. Many arent willing to face this realization but love does NOT conquer all.
The point of my article is to encourage women to be savvy about the life partners they choose. Too many of us fall for the same ole love and communication game. Those are a given. I should have stated that. But to say that women should not focus on HOW financially savvy their partners are in favor of ONLY focusing on given characteristics like communication, chemistry etc etc is equivalent to skipping across a major highway in oncoming traffic. You’re bound to get knocked on your face with the reality that you should have looked before crossing. The same applies here: women should be looking at a man in ALL areas, not just chemistry, communication and the like.
No where did I say that men are a meal ticket or that the SIZE of their bank accounts should be taken into consideration. The article simply aimed to discuss HOW these men manage their money. I am happily married to a man who shares the same sentiments and felt the same way when we got together. He wanted a woman who was financially savvy and who wouldnt spend us into the poor house. I also have a husband who is budget conscious and thinks long term when it comes to our financial goals. This was my point. My husband makes great money but that wasn’t the only reason that I chose him as my life partner. His characteristics far outweigh his financially savvy but make no mistake, his level of financial interest and savvy played a HUGE role. I want no part of a man that spends recklessly because I do not plan to be broke and miserable in my old age because by choosing an irresponsible partner, we had to declare bankruptcy twice or foreclose on our home.
No, not this woman.
A financially savvy woman may not be for you because it evokes other negative feelings but it doesn’t negate the fact that women are beginning to take a closer look at HOW their partners manage money. NOT how much money they make.
If your a financially smart women why do you need to worry about your husbands finances? Aren’t you smart enough to ensure your own financial stability? Through your own career? Spare me with this argument of its not how much by how he manages it. If a guy makes 70 grand a year but loses on average 20 grand a yr to gambling. Would you suggest then that a smart women marry the McDonald’s manager who makes 30 grand a year and saves his money well and does some small investing? Also rename the title to say: WOMEN WHO EVENTUALLY WANT TO QUIT THEIR CAREER AND LIVE OUT THERE DAYS AS A MOTHER AND OLDFASHIONED HOUSEWIFE WHO CAN BE FULLY DEPENDENT ON THEIR HUSBAND …. Should like for financially saavy well off men. But do it discretely and say u have common interests so not to look like a gold digger. Jesus Christ spare me
I’m sorry but that is the dumbest reply ever. When you marry someone, you enter into a partnership that forms ONE entity. If one side is financially responsible while the other one keeps piling on the debt, do you seriously think this won’t affect the other partner? Have you any idea how credit works? Or the fact that if a partner ends up with debt up to their neck and he or she passes away the creditors will come after the other spouse?
In your comment you might as well add that marrying an alcoholic shouldn’t matter as long as you have your drinking under control..
“I have a big [bank account] and I know how to use it, baby” … it never worked for me then … doubt it would work for me now ;)
Having been both poor and happy with my wife … and rich and happy with my wife, I can safely say that money actually doesn’t matter in a great relationship, but the communication around it does.
@ Ginger:
“Anyhoo, just to address concerns about it seeming as though I am promoting ONLY thinking about men in terms of their wallet… that isnt the case and I made that clear, hopefully in the first few sentences. I really wanted to drive home the importance of selecting a mate with a healthy attitude towards personal finance.”
However, all the work you did in the first few sentences was largely undone with your statements about stifling screams during sex with a shriveled up oil tycoon (not to mention several other head scratchers).
However, as I man I read your article and agreed whole-heartedly with it. However, I read it from the reverse point of view and placed women as the ones who must have their financial houses in order if they want any serious attention from me. Any woman I marry must pull her own weight: there will be no Drama Queen Fashionista Princesses in my life, thankyouverymuch. Looking for a Knight in Shining Armor to come sweep you off your feet, pay off all your debts, and set you up in some fancy McMansion with a Mercedes ML350 in the driveway? Keep looking sweetheart.
Maybe I can just find a shriveled up widow that survived her oil tycoon husband, that way I won’t have to worry about it. Hmmm…
Okay, I’m about a million years late to the party, but have to agree. How we spend our money is a clear indication of our values. I was thrilled when I learned that my future husband had scrimped to purchase a house at a very young age. It wasn’t the prospect of marrying into the house I was excited about–it was the proof that our values aligned. I had found someone who also felt that planning for the long term was more important than a fancy lifestyle.
Similarly, he was thrilled to find out that I was maxing out my 401k at the time. He wasn’t excited because of the prospective gravy train (ha!), it just was proof that I wasn’t looking for someone to take care of me financially. I already had it covered.
How a person spends their money is a pretty decent gauge of their core life values, which should be in pretty close alignment for long-term happiness.
Listen dear I am a male name mahbub alam ashik from Bangladesh. in the world men in a playing various kinds of play is here one is it, some are good in playing some are bad. goods are know very well that they are good player even bad are also know about their position of those i am a bad player you means opposite side’s player is naturally good and for this reason i need to write to you. Now listen dear one you have hues a lot of assets but i have not it from god upon you even upon my head side they are stay and want to take pleasure from us because of my poorness although my positions are directly from there, but God give you and you are a great one of the world but without us you as like of all the worlds “you” need us to make God’s great heart by you of all want to established God-self.
Actually I want to mean that It is a great way to provide us as like as a great way.
We are victim of this.
You don’t we are more in the world to give us the way need believes. I can say that I a believers of you but there is no way to test it by you. I way that is marry. in another seance marry is carry believe so whole of matter is in believe even in the world human can stay only for believes to other.
So if you believe me please marry me and by helping me make a way to Show God’s Greatness which are inside of you.
Mahbub Alam Ashik
Dhaka, Bangladesh.
Wait…wait… I think we just split a hair! Anyway, great post!
I agree that, as a single male, financial habits are extremely important in chosing a mate. I think discussing finances should be a high priority because any lives that are built without a sure foundation with not survive. This is more important to me than what color the walls should be painted, or what kind of vacation destinations are compatible, because at the end of the day, if you don’t have a strong financial position/skills your just renting anyway.
That’s my .02 cents!
I read this into the article – if the guy is a financial loser then chances are he is a loser in other significant ways. If he cannot plan, pay bills on time, handle financial responsibilities, then he is not going to be a reliable person in other ways. These guys past age 25 lose their fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants appeal and have a hard time finding partners. I think the relationship of money management and other big life issues is clear. It really isn’t a matter of “not being good with money” – it isn’t about being a financial investment whiz, rather it is about getting with the program in a very basic way. I most definately did not marry for money – but I did marry for love, which included being able to rely on and trust my husband to do the right thing financially with me.
I saw the problems a financially irresponsible relative had in all aspects of life – challenges getting a job, forget about a partner…just kind of floating around hoping to find the pot of gold under the rainbow. It is incredibly sad to see in a nice guy heading into his 40s with…zilch. And I am not talking about money here, I am talking about steady employment and a family and all that boring old stuff, this dude still lives with his parents most of the year. He is a nice person, wouldn’t hurt a fly but come on…
Well, I am 43, not exactly wealthy, but financially responsible, honest, spendthrift, living on my own, and accustomed to pay my bills on time. When we started dating, she asked me if I was married (no), if I had a girlfriend (no), and if I was faithful (yes). Then, after two weeks, she told me that, being 36 and wanting a family, she needed to get married and procreate soon. So, she told me, she hoped I did not mind if she dated people on the internet. For supposed lack of funds, I got booted for a hypothesis. I am trying to make more money, but I strongly hope I will enjoy it on my own.
What about if things are the other way around?
I am a man who looks after his money, but my girlfriend spends money like water.
I own three houses (inherited two and worked for one myself) and I have got money saved away in investments.
I have two jobs, during the day I work as a cleaner and at night I drive Taxis. For cleaning I get paid $15 an hour for cleaning hotel rooms, driving Taxis I get about $120 a night. On Friday and Saturday I can get up to $200 a night. I drive four nights a week.
In an average week I get about $1200. I also get money through renting out one of my houses.
(Please note, I live in Australia. unskilled labour is much higher paid here than the USA.)
I manage to save money because I do not spend very much- I know my city very well so I know where to get free stuff and where to eat for free.
My girlfriend would not marry me simply because I do not have a “good job”, even though I am financially sound.
She said that she does not want to marry a cleaner because it is not a “respectable job”, and her family in Korea would be embarrassed. She does not even want to show me to her parents, she said that I would have to look for a “better job”.
I have a university degree, a Bachelor of Arts in History and Sociology with second class honours, I also did a Graduate Diploma in Humanities, which involved the completion of a research thesis; therefore if I look hard enough I may be able to get a job in the public sector or something.
In all honesty, I was too lazy to look for a more professional job after finishing university; and to be honesty I still am too lazy to look for a better job. But there is no real incentive for me to do so, as I am contented with my income, as my two jobs give me more than enough to do everything I want in life.
Money is all that matters in the end of the day right? I clean toilets and hotel rooms for a living, but I have got cash and assets to live a good life.
Who says that women need to choose between looks and money? If a good-looking women has a stupid,good-looking boyfriend, all she has to do is find a wealthy man to marry and then go back to her boyfriend after 5 or 7 years of a sham marriage. This plan sure beats robbing a bank.
Author,
Women that marry for money are prostitutes, high-paid prostitutes. How can they be smarter than women who have actually worked their asses off their whole lives to be rich by themselves and give living proof to other women that they do not need to live under the hegemony of a man-controlled world? They are only selling their bodies for money, most likely because they have low self-esteem. You’re a whore and an embarrassment to your gender. This is the worst form of rationality I’ve ever seen. May God have mercy on your soul.
Well said! They are not only prostitute they are liar who lie to themselves, denier refusing to admit their own darkness
@ Veronica, Reading is fundamental and if you were able to read past the title then you would have seen the disclaimer: “Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money, I am after all a believer in love and commitment as a solid foundation for marriage.”
But commenters like you are too often committed to insulting over women because they have different views than you do. I can almost bet that you’re miserable wherever you happen to be in your life. I have enough respect or myself and others not to stoop to your levels. But, it just shows how low you are in your life right now.
Your problem isnt me, and my views because I promise you, my marriage is wonderful and it’s based on the sweetest love, something you can’t relate to. I just happen to have a great package, a man who loves and respects me and is as financially savvy as I am, so yes, God has had mercy on my soul and blessed me with what has been the best thing to happen to me in the last 5 years. I refuse to apologize for that.
intresting article,very honest.the media bombard people with lifestye images of famous people with money,and women think why should’t i have that?,but most ordinary men can’t provide it.although women talk about love and romance,ie as long as we have each other,love will find a way,the stark reality is,for all this so called equality,its equality when it suits them.when a women says i love you,shes actually saying i love what you can give me,materially.i think christine agularia,sorry if the spellings wrong,sung,what a girl wants,what a girl needs,whatever makes me happy,sets you free,ah yes,so true,
Why would anyone listen to this whore-monger? It’s true that to have a marriage you want someone who is functional enough to provide, but beyond that, this is all we are talking about. Women who follow this advice “PEOPLE ARE INVESTMENT ACCOUNTS” almost always have a bad ending. Psychologists have a word for it, malignant narcissism. Down the road if he’s an unsuspecting fellow and he figures her out and sees no reason to pretend he’s obligated to her further. I’ve seen this realization break up countless marriages. Or she has to put up with some lout and pretend she likes it for years and years and years. Do you think Ivana Trump or Anna Nichole Smith had ideal lives? If he is a jerk he probably knows what’s she’s up to from the get go, he probably wants her anyhow because she accessorizes him well and, when she gets a little long in the tooth, he has a younger replacement ready. And she is getting exactly what’s coming to her. There are scads of these single middle-aged women sitting around resorts and talking about what bastards men are. At the same time trying to sink their hooks into another one.
Marry someone who you are attracted to and love to be around. It’s okay to expect financial integrity, you don’t want to marry some happy-go-lucky financial nightmare, but beyond that people are not things you acquire. No, this advice is not any brave new world, it’s just encouraging gold-digging with a new label.
You’ll notice that the author realizes this on some level too, the trailer-trash seediness of it all, which is why (presumably) she doesn’t state her name. When she says “Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money” she is saying: “women should marry primarily for money,”
It seems like you need to re-read the article. She never said to look for a sugar daddy. I think the point you made is the same point the author was trying to make.
Everyone wants a wishy-washy “sweep me away and lets forget about reality” relationship. But smart women would keep their feet on the ground and also demand financial maturity from their partner. Especially when money remains the #1 reason for divorce rates that are exceeding 50% in some parts of the U.S.
Fact of the matter is, no marriage can be happy when income is in the bottom decile with 2 kids before your mid 20s, despite long work-weeks at minimum wage.
I think that this article makes some very good points. Just because a woman expects financial stability and responsibility out of her partner, that doesn’t make her a gold digger. It doesn’t mean she is looking to “depend” on a man. Sure, you have some that carry those intentions, but those are not the kind of women this article is talking about.
Men have every right to be just as picky as women, and a lot of them are. It isn’t wrong to look for a partner who is responsible and who plans for the future. You can learn a lot about a person by looking at how they manage their money.
And finally, one must take into consideration childbirth. Women are the ones who get pregnant, not men. And it’s women who were programmed to feed the children, nurture the children, and watch the children (there is a reason that only women lactate), especially in the earliest, most vulnerable stages of the child’s life. Would it be right to expect a woman to have the kids, AND be the one bringing in the majority of the money while she is doing it? In this day and age, (most) men don’t have to go out and risk their lives hunting massive game in order to feed their families.
You also have to understand that financial stability is not the ONLY thing these women are looking for. It’s just one of many standards. I don’t think it’s wrong to be a little picky – it’s only sensible..
Tons of successful women have kids and continue working. Households with two incomes always better than one. Sounds like a lame argument for just wanting to be a housewife. You know kids go to school right? There’s these things called daycare and nannies. Idk if you’ve heard. Also your husband can help raise the kids even though he’s not biologically wired. IF YOU WERE A SMART WOMEN YOU WOULDN’T HAVE JUST DEMEENED YOUR GENDER BY SAYING WOMEN BIOLOGICALLY ARE ONLY SUPPOSE TO RAISE CHILDREN AND NOT HAVE A CAREER. Seriously
She didn’t demean her gender, and she also didn’t say that. Women are built for having babies. That’s why we have wombs and breasts. Having babies isn’t all we can do.
Some mothers would rather be there for their child as they grow up. There’s nothing wrong wit that. Why would you have a kid simply to palm it off on a Nanny?
I read the article and it’s a bit unnerving in some ways. I don’t need a busy partner nor do we need to stress over money. That’s what an accountant is for. I have a man who works, is an excellent husband, and over the moon father any woman would die to have. Money has never played a role in it. We realize what we made/make, set goals, and let someone else put us on a budget and manage from there. Namely, an accountant. If you want to eliminate the stress of money in your marriage, consult a professional who will talk about goals, a realistic budget, and strategies to maximize your nest egg. I would much rather have my husband in the Biblical sense in our spare time than worrying about money. Colleges crank out accountants – try one!
Helen,
If you don’t mind… How much do you spend on the accountant each year? I’m just curious because we’ve never had one. It sounds nice to have one, though fortunately we’ve been able to get things under control ourselves.
Actually, I think my husband and I enjoy some of our money talk (so long as we’re making progress, that is, lol). It’s brought us closer together because we’re talking about our common goals and working on problems together.
The number one mistake women (and men) make is thinking that talent is associated with personality. Very common mistake that everyone makes.
Knowing someone is wealthy or business savvy, or have a great talent in sports, or famous, or having any kind of high status, will not in anyway show what they are like as a person! Definitely and absolutely not!
Doctor who turns out to be a killer, a business exec who embezzels money, a celebrity who is a drug addict, a congressman who is a pedophile, a mayor who solicits call girls. The list goes on, just read the news. Guess what these people have? Money, status and power. Guess what they dont have? Character. Who suffers? Their family and society.
My advice: Choose a persons personality/character over money, talent or status. It does take time to get to know someone, but its worth it.
It is much easier for men to get money and gain status, than for them to be a good person. Rags to riches is not uncommon this days, but change in character from bad to good seldom happens. Being rich and famous, does not automatically change their personality (usually it gets worse).
Smart women marry for character. Dumb women gets fooled by Money, Fame and Power.
Devsky, I beg to differ with you. Some of the wealthy people are the most humble individuals I have ever known and some of the poor strugling everyday people are the nastiest everywhere. Chances are the wealthy will most likely say thank you and please. They contribute to the society’s cause and pay taxes that move the economy. On top of that, they employ the vast majority. And no! the idea of rugs to riches is a myth. It is not as easy as often stated. No wonder the top 1% control vast of the economy. Isn’t it ironic that the rich guy gets the cute chic while the poor cute guy without much money has a hard time dating?
As I read these comments, I wonder how many of you really don’t realize that money is an issue when it comes to the longevity of relationship. I don’t think men really understand this. I have met someone who I was attracted to by his personality (not his bank account) that I love a great deal but who has caused me many sleepless night because of is financial immaturity. He has $500 in overdraft charges, has let his car insurance laps and lives only for today. All of this due to lack of financial responsibility. He is not credit worthy and does not pay his bills on time. He would rather go play golf, buy all the accessories that comes with the game then pay his bills. I’ve tried time and time again to talk to him about the problems this is causing in our relationship and he says he understands and will cut his golf time down to twice a month. He lies about what he spends his money on and then expects me to pick up the slack. When I refuse, guess what happens?? We fight and argue. NO! I don’t want to be in my 50’s married and miserable hoping that there will be social security to pay for my stay in the old folks home or rely on my children to take care of me. This person expects me to marry him and right now…there is absoluty NO WAY! So, my advise is not to look so much for a fat bank account but to look for someone who is mature and responsbile financially and who you can rely on that if you lose your job or become ill, they can provide for you/the family and put their selfish desires to the side. It takes two to make a relationship work, which does include financial maturity.
I realize money is an issue when it comes to the longevity of a relationship. I think most men and women understand this notion. I also believe there are BOTH men and women who lack financial responsibility. What I don’t understand is women feeling entitled to the hard earned money their husbands bring in. An ex-neighbor of mine was married to a wonderful man. Before they bought their dream home loaded with a housekeeper, gardener, full-time nanny and personal yoga instructor, she had a great job making equal to her husband. They decided to have a baby and she thought that was her que to stop working never to return. When their baby turned 2, times started getting tough in the economy. He had always done well, but now they needed more money to keep up their lifestyle. He encouraged her to go back to work, but she refused. Instead, she enjoyed the high-life and boozed all day. She turned angry in her drunken stupor calling him names and more. One day he woke up realizing he would be better off without her. So, he left. She forgot that it does indeed take two to tango. He is now doing very well and she struggles with hate and anger blaming him for her misfortune. If only they had been able to weather the storm, but unfortunately, women like that are entitled. These are the women who give us a bad name. Marry for love and work hard on your relationship, especially during the tough financial times.
I HAVE TO STRONGLY DISSAGREE WITH THIS TYPE OF THINKING. I ADMIT A SMART WOMEN SHOULD WANT A MAN WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF AND HIS FINANCES, BUT THERE ARE SOME WHO CHOOSE TO REJECT MEN SOLELY ON THERE FINANCIAL STATUS. I HAVE RECENTLY HAD AN EXPERIENCE WHERE I GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH MY TRUE LOVE FROM COLLEGE, WE WERE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. HOWEVER WE ARE BOTH GOING THROUGH SOME TOUGH TIMES, HER DIVORCE AND MY EX ETC. WELL AT FIRST SHE WAS VERY EXCITED TO BE BACK WITH ME AND WE MADE PLANS TO START OUR FUTURE TOGETHER. UNFORTUNATELY MY CAREER IS NOT TAKING OFF AS WELL AS HERS AND SHE DECIDED TO LEAVE ME SOLELY ON THIS FACT. UNDERSTAND WE ARE CURRENTLY IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WHICH IS ALSO HARD. WE TRUELY LOVE EACH OTHER BUT SINCE I COULD NOT IMPROVE MY CAREER FAST ENOUGH, WITHIN IN 3 MONTHS, SHE DUMPED ME. I AM NOT A BUM BY ANY STANDARD AND WORK A GOOD JOB 40 TO 60 HOURS A WEEK. SHE HAS HER HEART SET ON RETIRING EARLY AND BEING RICH. I THINK SHE IS MAKING A BIG MISSTAKE. SHE MAY BECOME RICH, WHO KNOWS, BUT SHE WILL NOT HAVE ANYONE TO ENJOY IT WITH THAT WILL TREAT HER THE WHY I DID. MONEY IS AN ILLUSION AND WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY. IT WILL OF COURSE MAKE YOU HAPPIER TO HAVE NICE THINGS AND MAYBE A BETTER LIFESTYLE, BUT IF YOU BECOME SO OBSSESSED WITH IT AS SHE HAS BECOME YOU WILL LOSE IN THE END. SO IN CONCLUSION, I AGREE WHEN PICKING A DATE FOR A RELATIONSHIP IT IS GOOD TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO WORKS HARD AND CAN TAKE CARE OF THERE FINANCES, BUT I THINK IT IS UNFAIR TO REJECT SOMEONE YOU TRUELY HAVE A CONNECTION WITH BECAUSE OF THERE CURRENT MISFORTUNE. FURTHERMORE IF YOU ARE TRUELY IN LOVE WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER IT DOESN’T MATTER. THE MONEY WON’ T ALWAYS BE THERE FOR EITHER OF YOU. IF YOU MARRY SOMEONE WHO SEEMS TO BE A FINANCIAL GOD AND NOT FOR LOVE WHAT HAPPENS IF HE COLLAPSES, THEN YOU HAVE NEITHER.
You seem to be saying that abundance is about more than money, and I completely agree. However, the fact that you’re YELLING through your entire comment suggests that your love will, indeed, find someone who loves her as much or more and treat her better than you likely would.
Michael, will you forward me your ex’s contact info? I want to date her. She seems like a really smart hot girl. I want a girl who can earn and who has the ‘balls’ to reject men that don’t. Seriously, please put us together. It will be the sweetest revenge you could seek, and it will make my life better.
Women like that are more cunning,then smart. Relationships are bullshit,smart men dont commit
I’m 29/m. I’ve been contemplating saving up for egg donor IV fertilization through a surrogate mother. If I did I wouldn’t have to worry about a woman divorcing me just to take money and my children. If I were ever to get married I would have to have it signed into a prenuptial agreement that if we were to divorce that I would get sole custody of any offspring we produced.
It doesn’t work like that. No women would ever marry you if you threatened to take her kids away. Also, pre-nup or not, they don’t hold up in many Family Courts. You’re asking her to sign over her parental rights – no woman in her right mind would do that.
Grow up or adopt.
So, I’m supposed to marry a woman with no assurance that she isn’t going to take my children away in a society in which courts side 99% with the mother and 50% of all marriages end in divorce? I don’t think so. Looks like I’ll be making test tube babies.
So you don’t want to marry a woman because she might take your kids away and actually courts favour joint custody unless the father has done something serious) but you’d want the woman you marry to sign over all of her rights?
Yeah… have fun with that logic.
And i would suggest that all men insist upon a pre-nup and marry based on looks and sexual vigor. And just like in the stock market, once there is a drop in “performance” I’d suggest dropping your current holdings and find new assets.
Couldn’t agree more. I find it amusing that this women says to marry rich, but forgets that the man with the money is the one in control. First off, if you have money, why ever get married? As we get older, men’s stock rises and women’s falls. Exactly why I bang away and always wear a condom ;-) Hang the carrot in front of a woman and she will always chase it.
Exactly Why the only women who will ever chase u, Bill, are those only concerned with money… Stop giving all your money to escorts and Go look for a nice old bat your own age hunny, she may just like u for u!
Haha goodluck finding a hot young lady to sign a prenup, Patrick, unless u are 25 and handsome. Yes smart women instinctively go for money it is natural, just as men are supposed to be providers. Oh and one more thing I doubt u know, if your girl signs a prenup and u are unfaithful during the course of your marriage, come divorce, prenup will be void :)
Only stupid people get financially manipulated By people who lack integrity…which is a big problem in our planet today!!
It’s quite telling that the majority of the four-letter words that will reflexively slam your comment are the first ones to defend the author as espousing a perfectly sensible female life-strategy.
“Financial viability is a major component of successful marriage” is just shameless double-talk which really means “men who can’t afford to buy a woman’s happiness can go to hell”.
But as women become increasingly self-centered, materialistic whores, many men are wising up and putting off marriage until later in life. Those already married, more than ever before, are taking judicious steps to secure their assets in the event of a split. If the above article is any true indication of the pulse of the contemporary American female, it is a trend which we can only expect to continue into the future.
The author would do well to consider that men who use wealth to attract or manipulate female companions are typically very superficial and fickle in their affections and loyalties, besides being the quickest to move onto the next “pretty face”, as the poster here has ironically suggested.
Go back to whatever nauseous pit in the “manosphere” (God, that term is so stupid) you crawled out of, Mark. The article was written to a heterosexual female audience, but the advice is good for anyone: it’s smart to find a mate who isn’t a financial moron. No, that doesn’t mean pursuing an abusive asshole just because he’s rich, or snubbing someone just because their means are modest. It means considering a significant other–man OR woman–who is capable of planning for their financial future, rather than pissing away every spare dime on beer, handbags, or other crap.
Im not religous but the Bible does say for the love of money and lust for material things is the root of all evil.If Hell exists it will be the afterlife home for corrupt Gold diggers
I am all for saving money and that; but how do I convince my girlfriend to stop spending my money on junk like $200 handbags and $100 dinners when we can’t afford it?
she always says that she wants to leave me for a man that can pay for her expensive goods, even though I have a stable job and I save my money (or should I say: TRY to save our money, because my girfriend pushes me into withdrawing money from my savings and spending it on expensive clothes and foods)
you should not put yourself through a relationship like this…remember if it’s appearance you are concerned about, there are enough beautiful women out there not obsessed with wealth…Find a woman who appreciates you and even if she had $200 in her old handbag, would not spend that kind of money on a new $200 handbag…
There is nothing worse than marrying a dumb woman just for her looks and age. The conversation is brain-numbing you’ll wish you were dead. And they start off seemingly nice and innocent but when they find out what you’re worth, they blow the cash on rubbish and plastic surgery because their looks are all they have to offer. Just too dumb to get it.
Point is, marry an intelligent, moderately attractive woman who you can hold a conversation with and has a life of her own. She will intrigue you and you won’t have to sit around discussing her Prada shoes or other nonsense. Trust me I married one. Am 50 and she is 32 and we have a young child so divorce is not an option. I could but I will have to support her dumb-ass since she has my child, while she runs around with other men. Big big mistake.
steve.. your life is sad. so youd prefer an empty life with a shallow woman just because you will have to give her some money? good grief. life is too precious to waste for any amount of money being this miserable. stop choosing characteristics in a woman that usually accompany poor character traits. dont waste your or her life being this unhappy. it is not worth it. If you dislike her so, why would you care that she is running around. you will hopefully find another woman whom you can actually have some kind of great connection with.. stop wasting time. love is a great thing.
Dude, come on! Stop being such a pussy. I’ve never paid for anything like a purse, etc.. for a girlfriend unless it was her birthday or Christmas. Actually, I’ve never had a girl ask me to buy her things because they know I’m not a pussy and I don’t date that kind of girl. Dump her IMMEDIATELY and get on a dating website like Match.com or OK Cupid so you can pick your chicks more wisely this time. I’m 29 and make $145,000 – $160,000 a year.
Well I am 22, very sexy, and I make $180-250k. So there! Haha! I win…Bill and Patrick You have forgotten the art of chivalry therefore I would never consider u. Why? Because I have a boyfriend who is intelligent, wealthy, GENEROUS, and Sexy. He is 50 yrs old… Our sex life is great and i am not a mooch, but rather he does things because he wants to and would never “dangle the carrot” as u put it. Yes there is always an exception out there boys! But if u want all the above u must BE all the above! If you are a 5 then why are you too good to date other 5’s? But like most men u refuse to grasp that concept. I see many more failed relationships ahead of u! Oh btw Bill $100-200k does not make u a baller but I bet u find loads of hot high school girls falling for your bs ;) real women spot that game a mile away sweetie… U hate women with a passion! I strongly suggest underage Asian dating sites for you specifically, Bill
How does a 22 year old make that kind of money? Are you a porn start?
It instantly becomes about the Asian women, does it?? No so subtle racism I see.
cmon marie, it is so obvious that you are either lying or the $250k you make is just thanks to your old man. why would a woman marry a 50years old man, the answer is clear and no need to say it. furthermore gold digging is not a passion, it is a crime, it is a proof that men have always been the provider and leaders and women are always dependent of men. we men we work hard to get our money and you just come and sit down and try to get everything served on a plate. i am not good looking but i do have a good salary, just a little less than the $250k you get. when i had my girl friend, i felt like my money was not enough just because of one person, but when i threw her in the dust bin, i feel like a rich man again. and never would i date a low class girl who just think she will get to use my money. but i like gold diggers, i bang them and already notice their game. after banging them, i simple ditch them. just like they would do after using a mans money. this is what every man should do, girls should be like a clothes that you change everyday. dump them after having sex.
Fuck yeah $200k a year makes you a baller…..average salary in the US is 45k annually…..
Dude, Kick that loser chick out the door!!
i had a girlfriend like that dude, she was so beautiful. but you know what i told her, she is just a bad worthless product with a good packaging, and i dumb her just like you would do if you find an item worthless. i work so hard to get my money, am not that rich but like you i have a stable job and get fair enough money to live like say a luxury life. however i work hard for it and barely have time to enjoy with the money i make. then why should i spend it on someone who just sits down in the house all day. whats the point in buying $200 handbag, is she worth enough to possess such items. the answer is NO dude, if she wants handbag, ask her to get a job and you can pay part of it and she does the rest that can be done. otherwise, dump her, cause she is with you just for your money. gold diggers simply make me mad, they are after your hard earned money, :@
Reading the comments above i married a Prostitute thinking it was love it was not in the end it was money she wanted and when i said stop working she insited she was inependant and wanted to carry on it did not last beyond a year so my exerience is watch aout and LOve is the most important thing,it was cheaper to go and see the ex in work than keep her throwing moey her way all the time,so beware
men who prey on women for sex are disgusting and sadly not enough is sad about women who prey on men for their money….they are disgusting legal prostitues. If laws were altered to disallow divorces to end with the guy paying most of what he earned HIMSELF (tiger and elin–she’s disgusting) then I think women wouldn’t date at all. The number of unmarried women has been increasing year after year and I think it’s because they know guys aren’t as eager to go out and cheat just so they can get their payday. Ultimately, when we all realize that thing between women’s legs isn’t worth the hassle, we can progress like actual human beings.
This Article is a load of [email protected]…unless you’re a robot…
I am not sure how long you have been married and what religion you follow if any, but if there’s one truth in this world is that wealth can disappear in an instant. Sure some people are fortunate in that they are born into wealth or even acquire wealth and live their financial dream throughout their lifetime; but finding that person and gambling on that at the point of saying ‘yes’ is pretty materialistic to me.
For couples who begin out at a low income and work together whether both are in the workplace or one at home; but have that mutual understanding and belief in each other..they are in a far better position to face tough times later in life than you would be missy. I know generations of couples who started out poorly, some even excelled beyond their dreams, some increased their wealth gradually but they have remained happily together and passed that philosophy of ‘finding love with reason and understanding, acceptance’ through to new generations.
“Let me preface this by stating that I am not suggesting that women marry solely for money” No, let me preface this by saying that is just about exactly what you are saying, marry primarily for money. And I allow and believe a woman should not marry a loser that can’t make a living, a life of burden. But that is as much profiteering as is decent, as much as marriage should be treated like incorporating a business. Beyond that it is about marrying your best friend, someone you can work with and would like to chat and eat popcorn with while watching the movie of life go by. Just about all the bitter women I’ve seen fighting over alimony are of this mentality, angry they are being replaced with a better model. The more aged ones go on and on about what jerks are. At best they are roommates, like an arranged marriage.
They little realize they are the authors of their own tepid or even crappy lives.
Shallow and soulless way of thinking, though I believe that it is a well justified standard among women. Still unmarried at thirty, all of my latest girlfriends especially, take my gifts and gestures without an ounce of gratitude and with a sense of entitlement. My sister married a sugar daddy so she can have babies and buy cute shoes. My brother had a child with a woman who gave up on her doctorate that she was about to defend because now she has a man to take care of her. So go on women, don’t do your part in a relationship, trade your ass for cash. Know you are property, and deserve to be treated as such because you sold yourself. To those select few women who still have a sense of decency, know that it’s a gift and putting a price on it strips you of your right to call it love.
Dudeman, that is really well put. I think your comment will stick with me. That last line is worth repeating:
“To those select women who still have a sense of decency, know that it’s a gift and putting a price on it strips you of your right to call it love.”
I came here looking for POVs to help me sort out my own thoughts. I come from a working class background, and have been dating a multi-generational, mild-mannered trust-fund feller for over a year. We had a lot of fun, and I really loved him, but it became apparent our paths were beginning to diverge. I needed to finish my vigorous education path, and academics are very secondary to him. He was accustomed to a different pace of life that had been passed down to him through many lines. I am accustomed to harder work and academics, since education has been the way for me to climb out of my family’s poverty. Too many things were not clicking anymore. I knew I had to end it and move on, but was really reluctant to do so. I don’t know if I’ll ever date another man with so much land and vacation houses, even. Meanwhile, I’m at a wits end on how I will pay for college, rent, etc. His ease of life was a lot of pressure on me. I am inadequate in the face of it. I’ve never experienced a life like his, which I got to witness up close for over a year. I learned a lot, though – what it takes for families to have something to pass down. Anyway, moving on …
End pathetic ramble.
I understand what the author is trying to say, despite the plethora of negative (mostly from men, it seems) comments here.
No one wants to take on someones financial irresponsibility. I have to take care of myself and my disabled father because he was bad with money and has no retirement of any sort. No one wants to look for a mate with excess baggage, whether they are emotional, violent, or financial.
So yes, when I look for a mate, I’d like someone with a job. Does that mean he has to make 100k a year? Absolutely not. It means he is trying and doing his part. I’d marry a fry cook from McDonalds without a second thought if I knew he was the type of person to do his part and work hard. It’s not marrying for money, it’s marrying someone who is responsible and doing what they can to move forward.
My mother took in a young man when I was in highschool that was only a few years older than me that she met on the internet. For 3 years he was “applying for jobs”, but for 3 years he sucked thousands of dollars out of her to support him while he lived with us. That is what the author is referring to in my opinion. That is something we, as women, should not marry into. Otherwise you’re just supporting another child.
It’s the same for men, I’d never expect a man to marry a woman who either 1. doesn’t work or 2. if she doesn’t work, she doesn’t take care of things around the house either (same for women, btw, if my husband doesn’t work, I expect him to be doing things around the house while he looks for work or taking care of the kids).
And to the commentators talking about women fighting for alimony. I left my husband and denied alimony because I decided I was going to stand on my own two feet. So no, not all women are out for sugar daddy’s and alimony. That’s not the purpose of this article at all.
“No one wants to take on someones financial irresponsibility.”
I think this is ABSOLUTELY what the author was attempting and did not quite convey.
A relationship is a partnership (in my opinion) and both should be trying to contribute equally. If one or both enter into it expecting to be taken care of ALL the time instead of in times of need, then one or both need to be HONEST about that, or about where they think the relationship was going. If somebody is okay with being someone’s sugar daddy/mommy, that’s cool, so long as they understand that this person probably can’t be relied upon to help if something bad happens, e.g., an extended illness or lost of income.
I think what the author was trying to convey was that life is hard enough without taking on someone with a LOT of baggage. Everyone has baggage and nobody’s perfect, everyone makes mistakes when you’re learning things like money management and whatnot, but if you wind up married to someone who incurs MASSIVE debt, taking care of them and wondering how you got to that point, well, it’s because you didn’t take into account their spending habits. I would hope she isn’t meaning that if you find out someone has debts or doesn’t make 150k or more a year you immediately lose their number after the second date; I’m interpreting her advice to basically be ‘Before you enter into something serious with someone, consider exactly WHAT you are willing to put in, and how far you are willing to take this if the person is irresponsible.’
That’s not what she’s saying. She’s saying smart women marry wealthy men. She’s not saying one partner Marrys another partner, just make sure said partner is responsible. She uses the gender difference for a reason. And it’s sad that she views that as a “smart” women.
i think its the mans stupidity for being fooled by a woman’s looks and thinking shes into him. So men know it and turn a blind eye by accepting it as it is the way it is in society. The trouble is good looking women have bargaining power, they always have had doors opened. to them, and can pick and choose exactly what there looking for. Money comes into it not so much as to there long term thinking but what they want in fun. An example would be a guy a girls dating takes her to the movies and drinks, during the dating process another guy she meets offers to go sky diving next weekend an offer she cant resist along with his charms. She has a great time and of course would brush off the other guy for next time. You gota turn the tables and think what if it was all reverse girls looked for guys, you could go to a bar and there was 400 single girls with few single guys..you have good looking ones hit on you all the time. Your standards would climb up n up and you would look for women who were not just good looking but good looking and a lawyer or a doctor..Its bargaining power girls have it and does suck cause they don’t see it from a different perspective.
i refuse to pay the price you’re asking for the use of your vagina. go find a stupid “man with a plan”.
I find it hilarious how up in arms the commentors are over this article. If you despise superficiality then why don’t you shack up with a fifty-year-old, obese woman? After all, love is blind, right? Get serious. Wealthy and frankly, the not weathy among men want the most attractive woman they can find. They make no apologies about this extremely superficial view but get upset and throw a fit when a woman has requirements for herself.
I don’t believe in marrying “for money” but I’d never marry a man who was broke because after the honeymoon is over, reality sets in. Car problems, no health insurance, lack of a vacation…ever- that’s my sister’s reality. She is miserable. Marry someone with goals who understands that life involves fundamental basics for living.
Anything less is settling for unhappiness.
So, looking for a man to “rescue you” is ok then? Wow…not exactly the feminist view
You said…
Car problems, no health insurance, lack of a vacation…ever (so what, who does, I don’t) …not looking for a woman to rescue me (equals rights). All things being equal, if both a man and woman are equal in all things, then by virtue of being female, she has the responsibility to find the highest paying man she can find. By being a man, he has the job finding any female that will accept him based on his income?
In my opinion, based on the comments I did read, Mitejen & Crystal of Moneydrain.net are the only people that have replied both maturely and intelligently. I appreciate your comments. My comment is geared more towards people with average means, not super wealthy backgrounds & not towards people who are physically/mentally ill & cannot take care of themselves and are blessed to have a partner that supports them. It is also not for men who want to be buried alone with their money. Most of all it is not for the women that just want to be ridiculously spolied, there is nothing wrong with that, but you just made it that much harder for yourself to find love that lasts.
First and foremost when leaving comments it should not be based on personal resentment of a negative experience. Experiencing is part of life, but what is most important is walking away with a MATURE/HEALTHY message to share with others. This is the root of wisdom, which makes the world a better place to live in for the future generations. Most of all being real & truthful with others as well as yourself about how the world works is the key to happiness. I believe the author was being real & truthful regarding basic concerns and needs. She was not discussing the importance of “gold-digging” which is by definition: Any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man’s bank account than she does about the man. How does “gold-digging” take place: When a rich man shares a large amount of his funds with a woman in the hopes to “woo” her over, control her, feed his ego and or in attempt to purchase love. Now…who would be guilty of those false pretenses? Both parties engaging in the act. I hope this cleared it up for those who were confused.
Next, this article has steered away from what the meaning of a loving & healthy relationship is. Most people cannot define love & this is where priorities get misaligned. Love always protects, always trusts, always perseveres. There is a further definition as this is defined from the Corinthians as well as my own opinion. Ethical and integral women believe this and know that in order to have a loving & healthy relationship this is the foundation. You cannot protect your wife, if you engage in a long-term commitment such as marriage if the male counterpart has not figured out, financially, that a + b = c. Meaning you earn & try hard, you will succeed.
Some basic equation examples:
school + find something that works + work hard = success
no school + work hard + find something that works = success
go to school + establish debt + dont find a decent paying job = debt
Dont work hard or at all + establish debt = debt
There are a long list of excuses, but a short list of truths. Finding a way to earn money is the success formula whether your an artist, intellect or a garbage man.
You cannot trust your husband to make good choices if he has always made selfish/poor choices (spending/not saving money/letting people take advantage of him/not working hard) and has discovered the golden list of BS. Second, its not possible for the woman to be truly happy if hes not happy/secure in himself. A man cannot say he truly planned on being a loving/good husband, if he hasnt set his life up accordingly to avoid seeing his wife and child struggle and or has solely relied on meeting a woman he can go 50/50 with (this makes me sick ladies). A good/loving man wont even bother getting involved seriously if he knows he has nothing to offer. Life is a box of chocolates and you never know which partner your going to get. Males & females should both be financially prepared in the event they meet a special person so the foundation of the relationship is not immediately built on corruption/false notions. Its about taking accountability for your own life and behavior.
The first priority of a man should be about being a supportive husband so he may see his wife and child prosper. Your first priority as a woman should be about knowing when to bring something to the table, knowing when it is your time to be a woman such as giving birth & keeping up with female maintenance (hair/nails/facials/shopping) & taking care of family members etc.Time waits for no man or woman, so it is especially important that the timing is right, another reason for a man to make sure he does what he needs to do in a timely reasonable fashion. No woman wants to have children super late in her life, growing grey hairs/wrinkles & having less energy for them or even worst punishes herself mentally/physically because she decided to wait for her husband to finish paying student loans. A man has to be financially stable enough to allow his woman to be able to attend to the personal female matters men dont normally attend to, otherwise she will be working two jobs to pay for your husbands mistakes, no time for kids and they wont have a healthy environment, not maintaining herself physically and not feeling attractive anymore, not preparing that amazing dinner for her family so they feel warm & comfortable. Life is not about just getting by, its about making the most of it & taking every necessary step to get there. Meaning financial stability relies on sound financial decisions. The one thing you grown men out there remember, assuming you had a fairly normal/happy upbringing, is that your moms were there when you fell off that bike or they made you those batch of cookies and kissed you on your head when you were sad. Well say bye bye to that if your woman just came home tired from pulling a 8-10 hr shift and all she wants to do is soak her feet in a hot bath and go to bed.
First it starts with the responsible ambitious man in search of his responsible woman. Not a man searching for the women he can financially lean on in any way (not even 50/50) or the women leaning entirely financially on the man (unless he is supporting her to further her education). Nature intended for women (nurturers/caretakers) and men to be the (hunters/gatherers). If a man doesnt understand that you have to go above & beyond for the women he loves & wants to spend the rest of his life with than he has no business looking to be involved in a long term committed relationship & women should be confident enough not to accept less for the simple thought or image of what appears to be “love”. The love that will make any woman happy is the same love that started deep inside of the man before he even met you & therefore his priorities should be straight. With great effort there will be reward.
Wow lady grow up gender roles are changing. Women seek out hot guys. Guys seek out hot women. It’s called attraction. Love is not blind don’t give me that garbage. No women would marry a 500 lb man no matter how much money he had if he required hem to have sex for 6 hours a day. Love is attraction and friendship together. Someone you find attractive in a sundress and someone you can enjoy talking to every day. So many women marry for money and then are unhappy 2 years later and wonder why. Then they go have silly flings with guys they find attractive. Why is that? It’s because they are filling the void in their life. If your not attracted to your mate it will never work. Don’t give this crap about men going for the hottest chick. You act like women like twilight for the story and not the washboard abs or that they love the notebook because of the story only. Replace Ryan gosling with a 400 pound homeless grease ball wih a mullet and that would have been a box office flop
Well, some women would be attracted to a man like that. Please remember that attraction is hardly a “one size fits all”.
A sickening subject as I know for a fact , some women who (trade up), taking the kids with them. The father is simply a historic part of her life. So, what do we teach the kids…That money makes you valuable. I guess I have more respect for the streetwalkers as it is less pretentious. I see these good catches as “frauds”…Nice hair, clothes, shoes, teeth. The guys that “buy” them often are not “self made”, just born with silver spoons up their ( )….influential families that are more responsible for the successes then they are. Ahhh…self – love…..
I can just imagine the comments from women I would get If I said the only women I would settle for were the gorgeous model types just out of college, (pig,robbing the cradle,flithy….,)whatever…
I’m sorry-what world do you live in? Men do this every day! There are men who will only date the types that you listed because that’s their preference and frankly, I don’t care. If it suits them then who am I to complain about it?
I am attracted to men that look like my husband-tall, dark, muscular, shaved head with a goatee. Does that make me a bad person-Heck no. LOL Just stop, everyone likes what they like, nothing wrong what that!
ginger…if you are so happy, why are you TROLLING? makes you look like LOSER
ginger from the article above, it is clear that the muscular black man didn’t attract you, but his money did. so go and try to achieve something by yourself WOMAN!
If we’re going to go strictly by financial terms, then fine. I’m financially well off, and a successful property investor. Not a billionaire, but confidently rich, Since you want relationships to be defined as a financial transaction, let’s evaluate it as one:
(1) Do you match my investment (in the marriage) on a dollar-for-dollar basis? Unless you do (and most people can’t, believe me), what use are you as a partner? Are you so certain you want to define the relationship as a financial transaction?
When you choose to use finance as a yardstick, you fall short. I wouldn’t marry you. All your good looks, intelligence, and eloquence mean nothing. There is no definitive value in them. In effect, your market positioning has devalued your assets.
If we did get married, it would be a case of me buying a new TV or a coffee maker. And you would be discarded or replaced with equal ease. Are you certain that’s what you want?
(2) You have stopped talking about financial security, and started talking about profit. Understand that the two are very different. Not going bankrupt is financially secure. Not going bankrupt but not generating millions, is financially unprofitable.
Are you referring to a man who is financially secure (can pay his loans), or a man who is rich? If you meant the former, your title is wrong. It should be “Smart Women Marry for SECURITY”.
(3) You are not “in control” of your financial destiny if you marry me for money. Rather, I’M in control of YOUR financial destiny. That’s like saying “I have control of my financial destiny now, because I am an employee in company X”. It’s delusional.
You have INFLUENCE, which is entirely different from control. And it’s far less powerful.
(4) You have misunderstood your own quote. It says that the unity comes from struggling together to make ends meet, to make a profit, etc. It says nothing about being acquired as a luxury item, and then leaving the other person to do all the work.
Part of financial security means having the willingness to tough things out. I wouldn’t pick a partner who’s in it for a quick buck, and who’s so openly a cop-out. From the way you present yourself, I know you’re going to cut and run when times get bad.
YOU aren’t a financially secure bet.
No offence, but before bringing up the subject of finance, do spend some time thinking as a business woman. Even stepping back from the emotional context, and looking at it in a level-headed way, your discussion of marriage and finance is like a treatise on unicorns.
Fascinating, but useless.
I like you Ryan. You’ve made me think.
Guys, You do the same thing. You marry for money too.
I can tell you what happened to me that is why I am at this site. I married a bum essentially, who lied to me about his job and his life. He embazzled money from my family, we lost money in the amounts of 7digits, I lost all my savings and this useless _____ kidnapped our son in this entire process, leading to a legal battle which cost me tens of thousands more to get him back. He was also a abusive alcoholic f__. If you think I am stupid, let me tell you, he was so good at pretending and keeping things down low, I didn’t know all this till we got married, even his family was in on all of it. I am not ugly, in fact I am approached by modeling agencies in every country I go, I lived on 3 continents and had a great life. Essentially, I am beautiful, I am very savvy about the world, I have my own money and I am not a material girl. I was just Naive and too trusting. I got beat every few days, my credit cards stolen by him and me and my son were almost shot in our heads with his guns. Till this day, he refuses to give our son up..Know why? Cause he knows my family has the money he nor his family could ever have even if they work till death and not sleep. He wants to milk our son in the future. So all you guys who think you have so much money and know so much, Please..think before you speak. Your little girls might be next.
If I had to make the choice again, I would do as this author suggests and Marry someone on Par with me, not some pretentious bum who can’t even spell. Ladies, Never be soft-hearted because you are the ones who suffer in the end. At the end of the day, my poor son is the one who suffers, he is still to young to understand what we both have been through and what he is to expect in the future.
GET OVER YOURSELF….you can marry whomever you choose…..if you are as awesome as you say you are, you wouldn’t be trolling the internet…..
Wow.. until tonight, I thought I had seen some of the dumbest shit on the internet, but this takes the cake (probably in the divorce).
Absolutely love this quote:
“Who wants a man with no financial plan in place? I certainly don’t.”
So the same should apply to men right? Wealthy men should only marry women with equal or greater assets? You keep referring to “smart women.” I’m guessing from the tone of your “article” that you are referring to conniving and deceitful women, and not intelligent business women.
How about this one;
“Women who choose financially savvy partners fare better than their counterparts who don’t.”
Where are you getting this information; your ass? It’s been shown time and again, that low income and high income individuals, share roughly the same happiness level (excluding those so poor they can’t afford basic needs, though even this is moot with the smallest amount of effort).
It’s funny how most of the women who claim that marrying someone wealthy is smart, are the ditsy fake women who couldn’t make it as a McDonald’s burger flipper. I can’t recall [post if you have a link] one article, blog or story, about a successful and rich woman stating the issues she had marrying a working poor man, which were miraculously solved by a larger bank account.
Get over yourself. A “fashionista” graduate student? Hate to break it to you, but you’re a bullshit artist at heat, no better than a used car saleman, with the only difference being your commission. It makes perfect sense that you would write so terrible piece of crap
I think it was pointed out in another comment; a man who “buys” his wife, is simply buying another toy, just like his car, his boat, his jet, etc. You’re a pretty object that comes with payments, just like a lease, and guess what; when the new model comes out, or you have a bit of “wear” you’re going to be dropped in a heartbeat for the newest of the line. Where do you think prenupts came from?
I could go on, but I’ve already wasted enough time responding to what can only be a troll, or a whore.. most likely both.
if money makes the difference in who you marry or not then there is no excuse you are a whore. if your marriage is built on a foundation of materialistic value your gonna find yourself in dark places. follow your heart and whom you love truley it is one of the most valued things in this short time here in life. god bless
Also, smart men shouldn’t marry fat women. Okay, now that we’re all on the same page . . .
not sure if you are a man or woman, but I agree………whine aboout “i”m fat, aren’t i?” or “f”ing get on p90 x….Tony will be your best friend
MARIE: get over yourself……if you were as successful and sexually satisfied as you say….you would not be trolling on the internet.
Smart men deserve smart women…PERIOD!
some men marry solely for looks and some women marry solely for money. if you are in a truly loving relationship money and looks wont matter because both disappear over time. women who are beautiful have no trouble getting men, but most women who are beautiful use men for their money. guys who are with woman like this should kick them to the curb immediately and men shouldnt marry solely for looks. i myself am a so-so looking 37 year old men who is unemployed and has a decent amount of money saved up but not enough money to please any of the shallow asshole woman that ive met over the years. and i have dated girls who werent that good looking but it didnt work out for whatever reason- usually because they wanted to get back with their asshole ex boyfriends who treated them like shit instead of staying with a nice good hearted guy like me. im single now and i think i am better off.
It might be that the selfishness perpetuated by this type of thinking on either side is one of the reasons that 50% of marriages fail. When you say your vows, it should be with the utmost respect and sincerity. If you marry for money, consider “birds of a feather”. You might
think you have him fooled, but in 10 yrs, will you also be devalued? Will you lose the respect of his family or yours? I have been married for 32 yrs. to a fantastic woman, 5 kids, 3 grand kids. It is the hard times that we look back on as an important asset for how we view each other. I remember how the women’s movement talked about women being viewed as sex objects, as if they could not make it on their own. Maybe Ginger could clarify what manner of respect women are now striving to attain. Is this the “new” psychology?
I was pondering on leaving my fiance because he is a procrastinator. He doesn’t know what he wants to do with his life. He eventually wants to own his own resteraunt, but he doesn’t want to take the small steps to do that. He spends all his money on bills, while I take care of the groceries. We are women. We want to be wined and dined. Not doing all the wining and dining. I can’t remember the last thing he has bought for me while I give him little gifts here and there. And, he always asks me for money. He is a resteraunt cook, but can’t he strive to be better. I even politely suggested that he gets enlisted for the Coast Guard to be a Food Specialist. He’ll be getting benefits, making 3x as much as he making now and still doing what he loves to do. I have my decree and the means to get a better job. He has no education past his high school diploma, and no drive to do anything better. It’s frustrating because I like nice things, and I just got out of college so I have an excuse to be where I am. He’s been working for 10 years and has no savings or anything? What is that supposed to tell me about our future together?
Well, 1.2 billion People live on less than $1 dollar a day….I think you (and I) should be very thankful for what we have.
It sounds like you do not love nor accept your partner for who he is….
“Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails” 1 Cor 13:4-8
So you’re basically telling her that just because there’s a bunch of poor people in this word stuck in third world countries she should settle for a deadbeat loser? Get real. And I really don’t see how quoting the bible has anything to do with this… It’s as if you’re trying to make an otherwise flawed statement valid just because you can quotes a few proverbs.
Women who JUST marry for money should realize that type of marriage is not a REAL marriage. It’s unfortunately that men are not smarter than to involve themselves into such relationship. But those types of women eventually end up with nothing that’s makes them feel whole and happy. They most likely will not expose their feelings, but if they are honest, the above is reality. People, honesty and being yourselves is always BEST.
Shiney
I’m truly disappointed in women who marry just for the money. There has to be a physical attraction, ther has to be good communication, be able to get along and care for each other.
This country us full of opportunities for and ladies We can be independent!!
. My situation is the following: I’m an attractive 24 year old with a college degree a stable and good paying job I can afford my own car ,health insurance, rent, bills and shopping sprees. However I always end up dating guys who are not economically stable, no college degree and barely make enough to support themselves so they’re not in a position to marry and unlike others ladies who want to sit at home and have rich men to give them luxuries all I want is a guy who makes enough to get me a home where we can both live comfortably and not have up support him. I’m kind of in between most people that have replied, my opinion is a guy has to be independent, be able yo support his family if kids come along and have ambitions and yes why not treat his woman with gifts and dinners every now and then. It’s a team effort people!
I’m a good looking guy, caring and would make a great partner. But I can’t go back to school because of student loans and I’m stuck in a dead end job. It’s sad that I cant find a decent girl because they all have degrees and good jobs and I can’t even afford to live without a room mate.
Seems like women are just greedy selfish people who wont give someone a chance over how much money there worth. Materialistic minded and not really intrested in the real point its about love not money.
I think the problem is that even a lot of women who supposedly “marry for love” are still marrying for money but in a better-rationalized way. For example one woman may marry a billionaire she’s not attracted to and say she “married for money.” Another woman may say she married someone who she found funny and handsome and had chemistry with and claim she “married for love.” However before she went on a date with him she screened out every person below a certain educational threshold, every person with a dead end career, every person who made below a certain annual salary, and every person who was less ambitious than she would have liked. So even though she may have made her final decision based on things other than money, it still played a major role in her screening process because she never allowed poor people to join the pool of applicants. Also, if you screen people based on probably future earning potential, they may not be making money now but there is a high likelihood they will in the future. It’s still a form of marrying for money, although if you asked the women doing it they’d say they weren’t. Many people only consider it marrying for money only if money is the ONLY reason they’re marrying someone and the person is ALREADY which.
My point here is that we need a commonly agreed definition of what the phrase “Marrying for money” actually means before we can even start debating whether or not its good..
That’s why I think these types of polls are flawed. People have to many ways to rationalize and deny the role money plays in their choices.
Another example: many men may say they didn’t make a shallow decision when marrying and didn’t marry their wives based on looks because she’s smart and has a good career. However they never even gave women below a certain looks threshold a shot when considering women for marriage material. So even though for these guys looks weren’t the ONLY criteria, it still was one of the first and it informed every following step in the selection process as a result.
It’s funny how a well-thought article can raise so much ire between the sexes. Not only is the author completely right in suggesting that there needs to be an equal level of responsibility and commitment in a relationship — and, yes, that includes finances — but it’s also critical to pay close attention to perspective and language around money. My ex came from a perspective of “lack” — there was never enough, everything was too hard, he couldn’t or wouldn’t… Of course that’s a gross generalization but, after years of working my ass off trying to carry our entire family and please him, I got smart, cut loose the anchor and decided to allow myself to soar for the benefit of my children and me. Now I work harder than ever as a sole provider and single parent, yet I’m happier, earn more, enjoy greater respect at work and am looking for a man who doesn’t carry the erroneous scripts that “it’s difficult to find a job in this economy” or that “there’s not enough to go around.” The universe is abundant! Opportunities abound!
Women see man as financial security.. so I think it is justifiable for man to see women as sex toy right???
Love isn’t smart.
remember the girls that wouldn’t go out with me in HS, now that I’m well off I sleep with their daughters.
Amen brother. I knew a girl who was in my class in 9th grade and laughter when I asked her out. We didn’t talk for 30 years and when I finally meet her again I find out that she is divorced and has 4 children (one outside of marriage) and is working in a dead end job. Haha, I almost died laughing. I then learned out that i had dated her 27 year old daughter two months ago. I know it sounds gross but i kinda look at it as ironic huh. In the end some of the math geeks do turn out successful (started several companies as well as invested in several Internet companies and let me tell you they payed off big time).
You can read this article to Satan – when you are burning in hell for eternity.
These women are also known as slags. I own my own company, and am quite artful at avoiding them. They also get divorced more than other women.
I get what the author is saying, and it makes some sense. I agree that being on the same page about finances is important; however, there is more to compatibility than just financial suaveness. Unfortunately, there are a lot of women out there who will read this as “at all cost, look for a guy who is financially well off.” Personally, I think one is better served by placing concepts like commitment, fidelity, trust, and kindness, ahead of any financial acumen. Besides, in the long-term, the things wealth buys can never replace the contentment of wanting to grow old with someone simply because you truly love and care about them.
I you arrive into my intimate space with that lazy, gold digging and selfish attitude, then I assure you laddies I’ll kick you in the ass long before you get 1cent of any asset I own and,so you’ll feel the pain and I’ll be just fine without your mess.
The first primary role in the family of the man is to show loving leadership over wife and children. Oversight of all matters in the home, both physical and spiritual. Spiritual leadership in family home Bible studies and prayers. The wife is the manager of the home, but the husband is the manager of the wife. (1 Tim 5:8)
The second primary role in the family of the man is to be the “breadwinner” Works to make money to support family.
“But if any man does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. ” 1 Timothy 5:8
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. ” 1 Cor 11:3
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, ” Ephesians 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. ” Col 3:19
Definitely true as long as the “smart woman” is just as financially viable or signs a pre-nup, after all you wouldn’t issue voting rights to non-investors would you?
First impression: did you write this article just to get a lot of hits? Obviously men will hate this and women, especially single and divorced women, will love this.
Second, it’s articles like this that make men run for prenups before marriage or avoid marriage all together.
Third, we live in a different age. I believe men and women are complete equals. Women are graduating from college at a higher rate compared to men. So when it comes to seeking out a partner in life, men looks for looks and compatibility, women look for money, comparability and looks? Since women can make just as much money nowadays why belittle yourself into depending on a man for financial security? Shouldn’t you view your financial security the same way your equal opposite sex views it as, YOUR RESPONSIBILTY?
Fourth, you say it’s compatibility but you finish your article asking women if their smart? All women? Not just graduate students but hair dressers bank tellers etc. would you recommend a women making 12,000 a year still seek out a rich man? If so, doesn’t your compatibility argument become a mute point. And basically make it the average case for why to be a gold digger.
Fifth. If your a smart women YOU SHOULD GO TO SCHOOL DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND MAKES LOTS OF YOUR OWN MONEY IF YOUR A SMART WOMEN YOU CAN FIND YOUR OWN FINANCIAL SECURITY INSTEAD OF PLANNING ON TRY AND FIND IT THROUGH A MAN. THIS ARTICLE IS BEYOND SEXIST ON SO MANY LEVELS. I HAVE BEWS FOR YOU IT’S NOT THE 50s.
You haven’t read it, have you? She is saying to marry someone who is financially stable! Marry someone with a job, with a good attitude to money. Don’t marry the fool who doesn’t have a stable job or is useless with money.
When you get married and their debt collector is taking your stuff… well, lets see how well love and attraction pays the bills then!
My God, Americans are so naive when it comes to love.Make sure you look nice, say the rights things and hey, suddenly you’re just meant to be married – after all, love makes the world go around, right?
At least here in Germany this is something we consider before marrying. Why marry someone who is useless with money. They’ll be useless at plenty of other things too. Marry the person with the car and the good job. Male or female, you shouldn’t be marry those who cannot keep their purse strings closed.
You, Tim, seem to be rather upset by this. Are you not financially stable or has a girl left you for someone better?
i think all you woman are stuck up money grabbing gold diggers isnt being married about being with the one you love not about how much money the man has? Wouldnt there be less divorce problems with money not being an issue if you were not so worried about what man makes?
That would imply that money isn’t a big deal in divroce. You try paying your bills with “love”. Also, if you had actually read the article she doesn’t say to marry a rich man, she says marry a man who is good with his money. Someone who doesn’t buy things he cannot afford, someone who doesn’t gamble, someone without huge debts.
If that makes someone a gold-digger then sign me up! I’d sure as hell rather marry someone who is stable and reliable that marry some cutie who can’t save or provide a stable home life.
Why would I bring my pay check home to someone who can’t even look after their own?
I completely agree with the author of this piece. Love doesn’t pay the bills, by all means marry for love (and you should be) but when the debt collectors are knowing on your door… is love paying your way then?
If you aren’t sensible with your money how on earth can I feel you’d be sensible in any other area of life?
‘m not sure what to think with this whole method in finding a mate. On one hand I find it smart money-wise and security wise and on the other, I find it ridiculous. lol… i love the guy who mentioned ‘ you know what the a stands for right’.. it’s so true. The very money-motivated men are greedy, selfish, and gluttonous. and that gluttony stems from money, to things, to other women. many are never faithful because they have always placed themselves first in life. Money may help relationships stay bound but it doesn’t guarantee happiness.
i think i would favor along the lines of finding someone who treats people and their family very well.. someone who will treat you well because a man who appreciates you in his life is willing to do anything for you. thats worth more than focusing on a missed credit card payment. a man so focuses so much on money is only doing it for himself, not you. men like that you cannot trust. ive seen plenty of these types and they sink very low in every avenue of their lives. no thanks. its about finding balance, but this route you are taking is not balanced or understanding.
I can see a little of both sides and love reading the diverse commentary!!!
I believe that if you’re talking about spending the rest of your life together with someone, which is what marriage is SUPPOSED to be about, then worrying about whether or not he diversified his hedge fund should be the last thing on your mind. And don’t get me wrong, marrying someone who has financial problems should be discussed within your life long plans, but letting that be the deciding factor of whether or not you want to be with this person is blatant BS. Most women who marry a man’s wallet tend to love his potential rather than who he is as a person. And usually, a man who is attracted to a woman like that is not stupid by far because he intentionally seek these type of women and usually have married quite a few. My personal opinion is that if you love, respect, and want to build something with your husband then you have to compare the strengths to the weaknesses and construct a plan that will allow your marriage to grow in love and in monetary wealth. As soon as you approach your marriage like it’s a business then you fall victim to the pitfalls of how a business is generally ran, which is to make money and nothing else bottom line. So if that’s the determining factor for you “sealing the deal” so to speak, then I suggest chasing your money while remaining single as your best business move.
Ok, here’s my situation…. I was married 13 years to a man I married young had children, had good credit, had my own accounts, never once did I ever have to worry about my finances until I married him. I did not make sure he was financially stable before marriage and we jumped into marriage to quickly. Now, I’m reaping the consequences of those actions. My savings has gone down to nothing, My credit ruined because of all of his debt, I had to file bankruptcy because of his creditors coming after me, then once I got that taken care of and paid off, I get slapped with a divorce… UGH!!!! Now at 40 I’m starting all over again, building my savings, paid off all my debt, and trying to finish my education on grants and my gi bill…. My first year of my divorce I meet many guys some not being financially stable, living from pay check to pay check which were really nice guys but after my experience in my first marriage I already knew there was no way in hell I was going to go through that again, after meeting different men I finally meet a man who has his shit together, a large savings account, very good credit, works hard and has his own home. He’s able to pay his child support and not worry about how to pay his bills. After dating for a year he wanted me to move in, I declined even tho it would help me financially in the end, I sure wasn’t going to do to him what I just went through. He understands that first I want my savings built up, my education completed, and all debts paid before making this jump… We both have children to think about and my first priority is to be financially stable on my own benefiting my children’s future, him and his children. I want to be able to give back 100% to the relationship… If that is a woman who is a gold digger sorry guys… I don’t see it that way… It seems to me their is more men out there that will harm a womans financial standing then their are woman looking for a free ride. This is a very smart move on a females perspective. You men need to get over it and use to it!!!
“It seems to me their is more men out there that will harm a womans financial standing then their are woman looking for a free ride. This is a very smart move on a females perspective. You men need to get over it and use to it!!!”
I’m a man who’s over it and used to it. I understand women well and get that money is very important to them. After all, you can’t eat love! Women want to marry someone who can provide for them (or at least help to). In my experience the ideal man for a woman is one who is practical, makes finances a priority, works regular hours, gives what little free time he has away from work to entertaining his wife, and has no hobbies to distract him from either.
I’m proud to say I’m not that guy, though. I’m an autodidact and very educated. This is because I spend time bettering myself by learning and improving me. I can play several instruments, have a million hobbies, I’m very creative in all the arts such as painting and drawing, have written books, and I’ve read absolutely everything. Unless you’re Harold Bloom it’s very likely you’ve not read more than me. This along with much time spent in reflection has allowed me to become an enlightened person. But of course I’m also a marriage-desiring woman’s worst nightmare.
Girls really love a few of my guy friends who are considered extremely dull by all guys who know them. This was the hardest lesson I had to learn – that and of course the fact that girls could care less if you have a good heart (or at least it’s way, way down on the list). If they’re like my second love who left me for a millionaire investment banker (she was a model so she had options), they’ll tell you in their goodbye email you have one of the kindest hearts they’ve ever known and then promptly follow that up with the facts they just don’t love you anymore and the new guy’s a lot better than you. Likewise, my first love left me and the first line in her email was: “I know you’ll be a great writer one day, but it’s hard to have a relationship with someone pursuing that career”. I don’t blame either of them. I understand reality and this makes really good sense to me. Which is why I don’t marry.
I work out and diet and take care of my body. I take care of my mind and spend time thinking about the world and learning about me. I have very little money at all and I’m extremely happy. The truth is that without a partner to provide for I don’t need money. This is what a lot of women don’t understand – men don’t need money. They just desire women and so the foolish ones think money is the only way to get them. But it’s not. It’s just the only way to keep them. Material things mean nothing to me so I just don’t do long-term relationships. On the other hand, I have a lot of confidence which means I can bed girls very quickly. Given the reality that I’d just be a place-filler to them anyway, I don’t want them to stick around anymore than they do. So I just keep several girlfriends at once, keep dazzling new ones with my intellect, wit, charm, and confidence – ironically, all of which are results of my independence.
By understanding women value financial solvency over love I’ve learned not to hold grudges against the 2 loves of my life. Both lined up wealthy men behind my back when we were dating so they wouldn’t have to be alone when they left me and could immediately be taken care of. They tell me they’re better off without me and that they’re blessed. I know they truly believe this so I’m happy for them. In a sense, though, it’s still a little sad on my end because to this day I still love both of them very much. I’m truly grateful I ever got to be with them in the first place. They were absolutely incredible! And I was so happy with them and the way they got all those crazy chemicals shooting around my brain. I’m don’t have that heavenly euphoria-like feeling anymore but I also don’t have any stress (money problems) or drama (female-male misunderstandings). I’m free of things and others. I’m my own person. I don’t need them the way they need the guys there with. Everyday is full of possibility: new women all the time. And women are much more into you the first year you know them anyway. After that it’s mostly attachment and shared experience that you think of as love and all the exciting (feeling of newness and mystery) fun sex goes out the window. This man loves the article! Smiles everyone!
I’m a nurse I see people come to the hospital all the time car accidents, and health problems that come with no warning. Lives changed forever what would you do if your wealthy business partner/husband got into a car accident lost both his legs, disability or your insuranceis not going to pay you 100k+ a year, trust me. What are you going to do when your little security blanket is gone? Is he going to lose his health, his job, his home, and his wife? Wow, just business I suppose….
These days most people get a prenuptial when they marry so when it’s time for divorce neither party gets screwed financially. But from my experience its best to go it alone.
I’m not going to follow this advice… and I hope I don’t regret it!
I’ve been working my butt-off in finance since I graduated undergrad 8 years ago. 3 years ago I meet a bright, wonderful young man right out of school. He’s chronically unemployed. He says there are no jobs out there.
I would NEVER be unemployed for more than 2 weeks. I would take WHATEVER. And obviously he’ll be unemployed – and this is where our values disconnect. There would be far fewer fights if we were more similar. (I’m also kind of burning out and beginning to resent him that he’ll never be able to pick up the slack if I need him. But I suppose I just need to forget all about being resentful somehow?)
Luckily he doesn’t spend much money. So I’m just going to take the advice from this article that works for me. He doesn’t spend wildly or gamble? I’ll stay with him… (I just hope I don’t end up one of those women saying “run!”) I love him too much… for now.
This garbage of an ‘advice’ is hy the relationship are almost nonxistant and marriage able and willing men run from your HOES ( there i said it ) like hell.
No one wants to ‘do business” with you, he wants to LOVE you not make a godamn financial transaction.
If you love him for his wallet then you’re no better than a used up slut down the street “Jeanie”.
When I read this website, I become angry, even aggressive. I am expected to have lots of money only because I am the man. If I have no money when it is asked and try to explain that I would give it if I had it, I hear: “I hate that kind of attitude!” and must take again a big loan from the bank. Fuck money and materialism!!!
P.S.
I have a permanent job in classical music field, and music is my passion, but that field is not enough for providing the family with Louis Vuitton bags. That’s why the family sometimes thinks I am evil and selfish. Sorry, it’s Friday, and I have drunk a little, but I would write the same without drinking.
This why I think some women don’t need to even be in a relationship. Women that married for married are heartless! Money does not make a person happy love makes a person happy. It’s not what you have but what kind of person you grow to be. I feel sorry for the women that look at a man just for a way to live a better life. The man deserves someone to love him for who he is and not for what money he has!
You shouldn’t marry someone for their money because as long as you’re married you will be a slave to that person and have no independence.
Actually, the smartest women marry for love and get rich on their own. Woman who are truly intelligent have their own plans for financial independance.
I am a man of 32 years old and not before marry want to marry some one and money to established me for my children and future. if any one agree pls massage me soon. thanks and best regards.
Ashik
Dhaka, Bangladesh.
My goodness….
I just read all of this…. So sad, all of you are. I can’t help but feel sorry for the lot of you, including the writer. Just awful what people in the world are turning into. Just a bunch of empty shells without anything meaningful inside of you.
Oh my goodness ppl always just want something to argue about…oh how ppl miss the main point of subjects..where she’s getting at is to make sure the person you end up with can provide for you and make sure he’s financially stabled…it’s like being in your feelings with a guy who has debts now you marry him and now you’re married into debt living miserable and struggling. I think that’s stupid. If u have ambitions be with someone who shares the same…stop settling for struggles. Who in their right minds want to be in a struggling poor unsuccessful relationship. Hugs and kisses doesn’t pay bills. Nor does it help meeting goals in life being successful and we all know money is needed in order to be successful in this. Once beautiful world full of crappy people. Smh she did make it specifically clear that she’s not suggesting to just go for just a guy for his money for she is about commitment and finding true love but to make sure a guys has a good head on his shoulder..finance plan, goals ect. Ya know???? People just think you’re supposed to find someone get butterflies and boom no worries were gonna be happy and stressfree👎not if your not set right you won’t. Nothing but looking beat down and miserable only wishing for the best when you could’ve had it if only you followed your brain first then your heart and not just your heart. Being smart is best. And no i don’t condone useing people buti do condone going for what will best be for a person.