I can’t completely fault companies like Amway, Mary Kay, and Lia Sophia. They know that friendship results in two important qualities: trust and guilt. These two qualities are important to companies because they make the process of selling products much easier. I find it relatively easy to politely decline — and hang up on if necessary — a salesperson who calls me uninvited in order to get me to upgrade my phone service or subscribe to a theater. Although I usually don’t have a problem, it can be more difficult to say no to a friend.
In most cases, people join these multi-level marketing (MLM) programs not because they believe in the product but because there is a system designed to allow them to earn significant amounts of money if they play the game right. If you are an influencer in your social circle, you will be able to convince your friends to sell products and host their own parties increasing your income. “Party” is just a code word for “sales pitch.” You can’t achieve success as a multi-level marketer without burning some relationships.
MLM isn’t the only issue. Everyone knows someone who is a social seller. From my observations, the products involved are almost always low quality, too expensive, or both. For example, someone in my office was trying to sell Girl Scout cookies to co-workers the other day for $4 a box. When asked, she had to explain that $4 was the real price and she was not artificially marking the price up. That’s a difficult sell when another co-worker was offering boxes of Girl Scout cookies for $3.50 a piece a few months ago.
I like these cookies, so I usually buy a box each year. Although I’m driven partly by my enjoyment, I’m also driven by guilt. One box of Girl Scout cookies is as far as I’ll go, however.
Dealing with co-workers trying to sell you products you don’t want is easier that dealing with friends who try the same tactics. When a friend is the seller, pressuring you to come to a party (a code word for sales pitch), you have to be strong.
- First, you can consider going to the party. Don’t bring any money and don’t bring your credit cards. If you see something you truly like and is a good deal, it will be available from your friend later.
- Politely decline. If you buy from your friend and there is a problem with the product, your friendship could be ruined. If the seller is a co-worker, you could be making your work environment uncomfortable. There are many stories about friends disappearing or not answering calls once they take their money, and the sale could go bad no matter how close you are with your friend.
- If sales pressure continues, make it clear you are not interested. Sometimes you have to say more than, “No.” Just explain that you’re not interested in the products and you’d prefer to keep the relationship away from business.
Unfortunately, just by denying a friend, you might lose your connection. That may be the fear that prevents people from saying no more often. Saying no is fine, because a good friend won’t use you for their own financial benefit, and a good friend won’t pressure you into something in which you’re not interested.
How do you deal with friends who want to sell you products?
Photo: Pictures from Heather
Updated December 21, 2010 and originally published March 5, 2010. If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to the RSS feed or receive daily emails. Follow @flexo on Twitter and visit our Facebook page for more updates.
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
The peskiest one for me was/is a coworker who’s doing one of the jewelry things. It’s pretty, but I hate hearing pitches. Lucky for me, the only jewelry I ever wear is my wedding band (or my engagement ring in the summer because it fits better) so I just told her that I don’t wear jewelry and eventually she started believing me because it’s true.
For parties and things that are easier to avoid, I just turn down invitations, talk about being grad students & keeping finances tight, etc. Works for now.
First I have to say I am all about the thin mints!
As far as the parties I feel like my wife is pressured into it a lot more than me, actually I can’t think of one I have ever been invited to? I don’t know if it is a guy or because I will eat all their thin mints. Most of the MLM stuff is makeup, tupperware, jewelry, stuff that is not really for me…I do remember one juice thing once, but it was such a half assed attempted I Just said I am not buying a bottle of $40 juice
Programs like these are not as popular among men. Many of them probably grew out of a need for wives to contribute to household income despite wanting to stay home and not have a traditional career. I’ve never gone to a product parties but there is a fair amount of that going on among my co-workers.
It seems to be work-related.
Solution: Quit your job and become a blogger. They’ll stop asking you because they don’t see you at the office. :D
-Erica
Hah! It’s less of an issue of people asking *me,* it’s an issue of the existence of MLMs.
They’ll quit asking because they see that he doesn’t have any money.
Just yesterday an ex-coworker stopped by to visit. She was chatting up her “home based business” like she was in the weeks before she quit and as usual, I refused to “take the bait” so pretty soon she moved on to the next office. It’s obvious to me, the phrases she is using are meant for a person to say, “Oh really, I didn’t know. What’s that about?” Glad you got your comments fixed!
Same with my coworker. I’ve stopped following up on her leading statements and talked about other things instead. I’m more than happy to discuss the ins and outs of things like doing our taxes because we’re both earning income from outside the job–but I don’t tell her the specifics of my business (though she knows the general nature) & I don’t ask hers. It’s mostly settled down.
My favorite was an old co-worker of mine. She was a notorious b**** to everybody at the company, not hesitating to throw any of us under the bus when the opportunity came along.
The best part was that she actually had the nerve to bring her kid’s fundraiser stuff to work. I suppose I could/should have been the bigger person, but I had no problems whatsoever declining any purchases.
Karma, I tell ya.
MLM parties are but the tip of the iceberg. The start of the REAL money comes in convincing others to go to the next level of the pyramid – party (product) presenter, then of course recruiting others and receiving part of the others’ commissions on THEIR parties and new recruits! Thus the pyramid (and only few are on top – with good reason). A friend of mine begged me to join her in her endeavor for a nameless cosmetic company. Although I continually refused to take part in this, I went with her (out of an anthropological interest:-) ) to a ‘sales meeting’ – think of revival meeting/EST session. It was strangely fascinating and repellent at the same time. The ‘product’ is the least important piece of this – the product, and profit, of MLM is people.
Same thing happened to me, some 25+ years ago. I was a young mother and was lured byt he extra income thing. I almost bought in, until that meeting. It creeped me out so much I bailed and never looked back. I still shudder thinking about it.
When I was in college, I got tricked into going to a Cutco sales recruiting meeting. I was stuck in there for over an hour and a half & when we finally took a break, I asked to leave. They tried to convince me to stay but I was adamant that it was not for me and they finally let me out the door. I just moved to a rural area from NYC and within a week I was invited to two parties by co-workers. It’s a never-ending cycle b/c other co-workers booked parties off of the parties I attended & now I’ll have to go to those. Break the cycle!
I’ve always joked around about starting up a male-only demonstration (someone suggested calling it a “men-stration” LOL) if, for nothing else, to allow us to get out of the house and drink. We could sell beer, sports collectibles, power tools, porn and perhaps other things. Maybe even hire a local model to dress scantily for the presentation. Problem is that men are far harder to guilt into buying their friend’s products than are women…we’d probably just end the night by getting drunk and watching sports on TV instead.
Your coworker wasn’t lying – cookies are commonly sold for either $3.50 or $4 a box. Each council sets the price, and since they get half of it themselves there’s definitely some wiggle room. At both prices it’s too much.
Personally, I would much rather give someone a donation than buy something overpriced. If I buy something overpriced by say, $2, the friend/coworker/etc’s child/organization/etc gets maybe $0.50 to $1 of that and the fundraising products company gets the rest. Not worth it.
Any friend that gets offended if you don’t go to their sales pitch is not much of a friend. But I’m a guy and as stated by other responses, we seem to be less susceptible.
I stopped buying Girl Scout cookies and Cub Scout popcorn several years ago. When confronted with the “sales reps,” I ask them how much of the sale price their troop, pack, etc. gets to keep. Most know the amount. I then offer them $5.00 if they can recite the particular scout oath or law for their organization. Often a “deer in the headlights” look results (and the scout’s monitoring parents get quite a chuckle). But all of the kids are game and will recite the oath or law. I hand over the money and remind them that the entire amount should be kept by their organization and suggest they tell their adult scouters how they earned the money. The scouts usually turn to their parents with the money and are quite pleased with themselves.
Another issue is when one half of a couple dives into MLM and the other half thinks it’s just a money pit. The MLMer wants to go on trips to sales conventions, while at the same time not selling anything or making any money. MLMer is convinced they need to purchase the expensive merchandise so they can “be a product of the Product”, all the while not making any money. How much can the non-MLM spouse lean on the MLMer to see the error of their ways without doing serious harm to the relationship>
I wish I knew a good answer to this one, but I don’t. Years ago, I had a serious boyfriend who got sucked into Amway. I refused to go to the “Go Diamond” pep rallies and other stupid motivational events where the only people making money were the people selling the tapes. We argued a LOT about Amway, and through his brainwashing, er, training, he managed to have an answer for every single one of my objections. I gave it six months, but in the end I broke up with him.
I love these posts because so many people don’t even know an MLM when they see one or they actually believe in them. The fact is, aside from the friends and family that get duped into buying overpriced, often fake stuff (notice many MLMs focus on “natural” segment which doesn’t have to prove safety or effectiveness?), most MLM members never make any money. The select few that do (often part of the startup to begin with) go city to city and host telecons talking about their $20,000 per month “passive income” and how this is the path to financial freedom. It’s like pro athletes and drug dealers (for you Freakonomics fans), for every million that try, most will make peanuts and a select few make the big time. We then idolize and try to emulate the ones that make it.
As it turns out, many of my wife’s friends are selling everything from that overpriced jewelry to cooking stuff. She goes to these parties primarily out of guilt I guess. I mean, they are good friends and by saying no or saying “just stop inviting me to this stuff”, it would cause a rift in the relationship. But she enjoys the social aspect, it’s an excuse to get out of the house and get a break from the kids once in a while and she has a good time. So, she drops 30 bucks on a dumb bracelet. On one hand, one could consider it entertainment money for a night out, on the other, a total waste. I don’t fault my wife so much, she’s a reasonable spender overall, it’s the principle of the situation that bothers me. It is annoying that these friends continue to host these “parties” and continue to invite their same friends and family over and over to basically make money off them though. In all other aspects, they are good friends and help us out in many ways with sitting, handing off clothes for our kids, etc., but I find this aspect to be rather annoying.
But all this makes for a great business model for the companies. I’ve had my share of cease and desist letters and legal threats when I post criticism of specific MLMs, but for the most part, they’re scammy companies started by snake oil salesmen that prey on this human guilt factor while exploiting the people that can least afford it. Many entrants at the bottom of the pyramid can ill afford the signup fees, ongoing monthly fees and everything else they get you for. The data shows the vast majority of these participants never make any money, but that doesn’t bother the people at the top.
So my wife used to get invited to a lot of these and always ended up buying something out of guilt. When you bought a $40 tiny lawn & berger (sp?) basket I said thats it, this has to stop. She said she doesn’t really want to buy these things but she can’t say no to the party and she feels like she has to buy something when she is there. It’s a total guilt thing. So I said, great, I have your problem solved for you. As of this moment you are banned. I hereby ban you. Of course I can’t really ban here, but what I told her was I don’t care how big of an ogre your friends think I am. You just tell them that I have told you I don’t want you going to any more parties and spending any more money. Use the word banned if you want to. Put it all on me and just tell them that I have said its not in the budget and its not an option period.
She aint been to one since (except for one product she likes which isn’t priced to bad so I lifted the ban for that one. :) )
Excellent! The ex and I gave each other full permission to use each other as an excuse — as in “My husband said…” — any time we didn’t want to participate in something. My pals used to frown at my spouse telling me what to do but it worked.
Everyone should refuse this sort of sales pitch; if no one goes along with it, the sellers will have to use promotional methods like classifieds and bulletin boards. The people reading them won’t respond because the products are overpriced, and the companies will either have to shut down or lower their prices. It’s just like “spam” email and telemarketing – if people don’t respond to it, it will cease to exist.
Living in Utah gives me quite the exposure to these MLM scams. The two I have the most exposure to are Efusjon, a crappy overpriced energy drink and Primerica, a crappy overpriced financial services company. Both seem to be more male oriented (as everyone I know who participates happens to be male).
I have no problem turning these down, most of the time I go out of my way to tell other people who I know will be a target of the sales pitch all about how it’s a bad idea. Luckily, due to these actions, I rarely have to hear about these type of scam nowadays. Unfortunately I still have to see the requisite social media message about how I can make a huge fortune with just a few easy steps….
I’m wondering about your comment about Primerica. From what source are you getting your information from, a friend of a friend? You are the type of person that does their own research before making a decision aren’t you? If not your the prime target for the products banks and insurance companies love to sell to, the financially uneducated and a sponge for their commercials. Do yourself a great service, have a licenced Primerica representative sit down with you and have a free financial analysis done. I did and it was the best financial decision my wife and I made.
I agree, banks and insurance companies are definitely not the place to get financial advice. But comparing Primerica “representatives” who are in fact not licensed for anything but selling a product, to a truly certified agent who is personally liable for the advice they give you is false.
Yes, Primerica agents are better than bank and insurance company marketing schemes. But everyone knows that banks and insurance companies aren’t there to help you while Primerica claims to be an agent in your best interests. But they sell a narrow set of products, unlike an independent agent who sells what he wants and what is the best for his client.
Interesting that you brought up research Greg
http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/greg-greenall/8/933/98b
You still a fan of Primerica or employee?
My co-workers used to just lay out the ordering form/materials/whatever else they had, and we had the choice of whether to order or not. I never felt pressured, and I didn’t feel bad if I didn’t order. I did order sometimes, but it’s because I wanted to, not because I felt I had to.
I’ve bought some Mary Kay from a friend who constantly promotes it. I like some of the make-up and so I didn’t mind buying some of it. One perk was that I could try samples first which I prefer over guessing in the store.
She did try and get me to sell though, repeatedly. I was a little interested at first, but when I asked for info all I got was a dvd with a bunch of fluff about working for myself and selling great products and empowering women garbage. I wanted hard numbers!!! When I asked her and her upline about those numbers I still didn’t get anywhere. I felt like they didn’t like my questioning them about the details and should just trust them and get involved and go with the flow.
T
The worst form of this that I’ve seen is attaching a sales “party” to another event that people are obligated to go to. My wife was invited to a bachelorette party that included a sales party as part of the festivities. Its extra awkward to decline such a party since you’re socially obligated to go to the conventional celebration/party.
My wife has friends who sell jewelry, candles, makeup, you name it. We decided that time at home with the family is much better spent than time at a friend’s house listening to a sales pitch. So we’ve just made it a policy not to go to any of these things and not to host them.
About 5 months ago a very good friend (a male) of mine and my husband invited us over for dinner and asked if we’d watch and give him feedback on “a presentation I need to give for work.” We were happy to help him out and didn’t even question it. What occurred was actually a 1-hour+ presentation about a product called Isagenix, which is some weird heath drink that allegedly “cleanses” the human body of toxins. Needless to say, this has absolutely nothing to do with his current job. After about 15 minutes into the presentation, we felt very uncomfortable and spent the rest of the time just nodding and smiling, wishing for it to be over. He then mixed up some samples for us to taste (thick, flavorless, chalky shakes) and passed out the order forms for the product line. The products are insanely expensive ($350 for a 30-day supply per person and it required that you “join” the MLM network in order to get that price) and there was little to no information presented to us that this stuff is safe or effective. What was worse, though, was feeling duped and used by someone whose friendship we really enjoyed. A week or so later he “followed-up” with us for “feedback,” which was yet another poorly veiled attempt to get us to buy the products. I declined as nicely as I could, and he took my rejection well. However, things are definitely different between him and us. We haven’t actually seen him in person in months. Being part of that MLM really drains his time and resources (he’s set up a special Facebook page for it and everything) and those of us who refused to jump on his bandwagon have been all but forgotten. Sad.
I was the unapproving spouse when my wife got involved with [...], trying to find every reason why this was a scam where we would lose money and annoy friends. I no longer feel like that because it’s actually a great, practical product that doesn’t require any inventory or products to buy, nor do you have to “recruit” anybody to earn money. My skepticism easily dissipated when others showed a genuine interest in the service and could envision how they would use it personally or for business relationships. [...] is now her primary income source — and we’ve not lost any friendships over it!
Any potential business venture requires exceptional due diligence — whether it is entrepreneurial, franchise, corporate or MLM. Every opportunity is not the right fit for everyone, and the buyer always needs to beware.
Editor’s note: comment edited to remove promotions.
Sounds like Robyn drank too much of the Kool-Aid and clearly is one of the people from those MLM companies trying to make it a positive experience. Anyone I have talked to and anything I have read about MLM companies has not been positive…